Divorce at Retirement -
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After a divorce, you are suddenly Free to choose what to do and when to do it. If you go into it negatively, you will be depressed and see a loss of life... as you hide in your home.
THINK TWICE - Review your marriage honestly, you might see things differently - maybe you can FINALLY really LIVE!
For one gal at my church, it is... I've never seen a retired woman so "happy go lucky" and this gal just glows (despite a recent divorce after a 30 year marriage). She doesn't have all the financial resources she needs (that's not it at all), but she is happy!
Just think -- You don't have to cook meals if you choose to run out instead. You can do crafts all day and leave them on the dining room table for a month (grin!). You could take an adult education course, volunteer for your church, meet friends for the buy 1 - get 1 free lunches, whatever you choose to do! You can come and go as you please.. nobody to report to, just have your own way with the world.
First -- you need to think about your marriage in retirement. Be honest with yourself -- how good was good and how bad was bad? Did you stay together just because it was simpler than the other road -- divorce? Is there a sense of freedom suddenly? Was he/she controlling?
Everything suddenly changes -- good or bad -- depending on how you handle it. It's YOUR choice on how you live the rest of your life.. it really is!
Second, Finances... your divorce lawyer will help you sort through the equitable split in your divorce monies and household items. Beware, an divorce attorney can totally help you; but the split depends on the couple agreeing on it all. Any divorce lawyer will charge you for every call, every court appearance -- so keep as much money as you can by both being fair and trying to settle equitably.
Now, you might have a good understanding on how finances are handled in your household. BOTH partners should always be aware of where important documents are located and how much you have in savings, and how expenses fit in your life. If you don't know, find out... always be aware of what your financial situation is.
Divorce can be expensive too, so keep your bills paid and your bank account balanced... Or consider payday loans.
QDRO / EDRO's are court orders issued in divorce situations to assure that spouses share an employers retirement benefits. If a divorce happens after years of marriage, don't miss out on this benefit, PLEASE don't simply forfeit your rights to a future benefit... (click the QDRO link above to learn more).
Third, On the other side, BEWARE! You know darn well that spouses lie and cheat -- not all of them, but some do. If you even think something odd is happening, watch closely. Why blind yourself (it's called "denial", right?) if something is happening and you choose not to recognize it? If nothing else, get copies of all your financial statements, in case you need them some day....
NOT SO FINE -- within months, he was living in Florida (she was still in Michigan) with a "blond bimbo" as she calls the new partner. Retirement was locked in, he gets her lifetime pension at her death.
She is suddenly retired, single, can't make it on her pension alone and is two years from Social Security. She has to return to work, sell her home, figure out reduced living expenses on a smaller income, and try to work through the huge emotional burden of betrayal. There were signs, she didn't see them until it was too late.
Now, who knows... this may have been complete Freedom for her, in the end, or maybe not. I only know about her shock at the betrayal AFTER she completed her retirement paperwork. I hope and pray she found peace... and happiness!
Divorce is never nice... especially in retirement when you assumed you'd grow old together. Sometimes, it is freedom...just consider the reality of your marriage so that you can move forward emotionally.
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