Funny Retirement Jokes

By Wendy Fisher, Retirement-Online.com

Got a great Funny Retirement Joke? Send it to me!

Check these out -- use funny retirement jokes in your retirement speech, a card to a new retiree, the retirement invitation/flyer! Go for it!

Hey Retired Guy, How many days are there in a week?
Retiree's Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

When is a retiree's bedtime?
Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

How many retirees are needed to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it might take all day.

What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
There is not enough time to get everything done.

Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Tied shoes.

I hear this daily from retirees. They say "I don't know how I ever found time to work..." and they are serious!

Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

Why do retirees count pennies?
They are the only ones who have the time.

Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

What do retirees call a long lunch?
Normal

What is the best way to describe retirement?
The never ending Coffee Break.

What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

What do you do all week?
Monday to Friday; Nothing - Saturday & Sunday I rest.

... whew, that was a LOT of WORK! 

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