Husband Retired, Help!

by Mary
(ventnor city)

My husband and I are both retired, he was laid off from his job after 18 years. Since then he has been home 24/7, has no ambition to do anything, when I suggest a part time job, he replies "I am retired".

I only ask for some alone time, but he yells "I will find a full time job! I have to wait until he gets out of my kitchen so I can cook, I have to constantly "work" around him.

This has gone on since december of 2008, and my patience has been used up.

Comments for Husband Retired, Help!

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Retired Husband
by: Charlotte

I certainly relate since I have been living this since 1999. He is 12 years older than me (76)and has no interest in anything. It has destroyed our marriage.

I am still working part-time in the only job I could find but still hoping to find a full-time job so I can be away from home even more hours. It is the lesser of two hells I live in daily. I have considered divorce for a number of years but can't make the move.

He has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer so I feel more trapped than ever with no way out.

Retired husband
by: Maria

Reading on the retired husband and the difficulties of him being at home reminds me of my father, my brother as well.

My father was a truck driver most of his life, he also loved the outdoors.horses sheep and the land. His eyes failed him like so many and he could no longer see to drive but he would decline a ride to go somwhere and that was my mothers agony. My brother broke his leg and had trouble walking had a slight limp, so he like dad stayed home too much.

Both of them were such good providors and did little in life but to support the home and children. I don't think they knew what to do when they no longer felt needed like us women. But they were mostly needed at work and driving was their life. If my mother had driven (she never did back then) I think her going with him would have made him feel more like he belonged.

My brother expresses sometimes to me wishes that his wife had time to go with him. It's a much harder transision for men, they are lost and out of their element.

Hobby
by: Anonymous

I agree to Nina's comments and advise.

Arrange to develop a hobby, playing Chess, playing cards, making friends. helping Children, other senior persons.
Give him some duty for example purchasing,
writing letters, collecting words, reading or any thing of his interest.
All depends on the area where one is living. Om

Nursemaid
by: Anonymous

Your story sounds all too familiar.
Myself....I feel like a nursemaid.

Similar
by: Anonymous

I understand your situation. My partner sits on the couch all day and doesn't lift a finger. I do the shopping, cooking, driving, housekeeping and feel like a personal care provider. I wish I could find someone to take care of me for a change.

A New Jouney
by: Nina from London

Hello Mary,

Reading about your husband losing his job I can truly understand how it has dramatically changed his life. If he had chosen retirement it might have been easier...but who knows. In starting all over there are times when the journey doesn't seem easy but overwhelming.

It happened to me until I did some serious thinking of what I wanted to do next. Anxiety and depression were also part of the transition. But there is light at the end of the tunnel.

You're patience has been tested but he seems like he wants to find some new career or a new road to follow, don't you think. There are people who can give him counselling....at least to figure out what he would like to do. If he doesn't want to talk to a career counselor then he has to search for new ideas.

Routines can help. But also volunteer work to get out and meet people.

Now that I am past that hurdle I am very happy doing volunteer work at two charities. Busier than ever! Also, I teach English as a Foreign Language in the summer. Hope he finds what he wants to do next...and that you will both enjoy retirement.

Best Wishes, Nina

Needing my own space
by: Nancy

I can relate to your needing your own space. The first few months of my retirement were awful.

My husband and I were getting along, but I needed a place to escape to. We have a small house. I carved out an area on the sunporch with my sewing machines and desk where I can spend sewing, computering, doing my nails.

This is just what worked for me and not meant as advice.

Thanks for sharing.

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