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Regretting retirement

by Steve

I chose to retire at the young age of 55. I thought I’d walk out the door from my job and fall right into happiness, far from it.

Six months after I retired, my wife filed for divorce. I didn’t blame her, because all I was doing was sitting around the house and becoming angry.

The divorce proceeding created a depression that was almost life ending. Couple that with the fact that I never figured out how to be retired, and I became a poster child for major depression.


My wife and I reconciled our marriage, so some of the depression immediately slipped away. About 3 months following our reconciliation, I started to become depressed with nothing to do.

I tried to volunteer at a local hospital, but watching everyone else working and having fun only made me more depressed. I then got a job at a local high school, but again, watching everyone working and enjoying their careers caused me to reflect back to my career and become depressed.

I now sit at home and look out the window wondering how I ever got into this predicament.

I wanted to take up golf, but I’m too depressed to pack up my clubs and drive to the driving range. I thought I’d go to the gym everyday and get a early morning workout, but again, no motivation. I can’t even muster up enough energy to make myself lunch. This is from a guy who used to work 60 hours a week and train for triathlons.

I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that there has to be something more rewarding than sitting in my easy chair.

I just can’t seem to put one foot in front of the other.

Wish me luck,

Steve

Wendy I hate reading this. I really do! Why oh Why does this happen to so many new retirees!!?

Please join my Retirement Transition group under Online groups to the left! Please talk to others who are going through the same transition...

This too shall pass!





Comments for
Regretting retirement

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ADJUSTMENT
by: Barbara

Retirement is a new "career". There is an adjustment period and thankfully you found this site. Lots of boomers are in the same predicament. If you are healthy you are way ahead! Change requires courage...take it slow. Don't expect instant gratification. Focus on positive thoughts and be thankful..slowly things will improve.

God Bless you....

retired at 55
by: Jeff

I too retired at 55 and was really looking forward to the freedom it would bring me , after all I worked 40 years after quitting high school and jumped from job to job , I felt I deserved it. I was lucky to have a decent pension to allow me to make this decesion...unfortunatly I have not been as happy and content as I thought I would be. At home with my wife all day has not helped our marraige and some days are so depressing , I wish I could pass away in my sleep. Our finances are not as rosey as I thought they would be and I find myself very envious of others who sport a large bankroll and can come and go whenever they please and never a worry. I have been so foolish in my life and have made more blunders than I can count , I suppose it all goes back to my first stupid act of leaving school behind in '71. I live with an everpresent tormented feeling in my head night and day and cannot convey totally to my wife exactly how I really feel inside...I try so very hard to make her happy in every way and most often I think of her needs before my own. I have fleeting moments where I am truly happy and those feelings quickly disappear and then I'm in a self destructive poor me mode once again. Luckily I have lived through the best generation and I would not trade those years for anything , "perhaps a miracle will come my way and the last quarter of my life will be the best" ! Good Luck to all of you.

Steve
by: Anonymous

I am so glad I read your message. Everything you said is just how I feel. No ambition, motivation, can not get out of your own way. I just want to be happy and enjoy life now....any suggestions.

Becky

Retired at 55 also
by: Janis

Yes retirement is very trying... I had to retire because my feet went bad.. but I do miss the interaction of work alot.. But sooner or later we have to retire.. You gotta get used to it...

The way to do it is keep on being physical.. I swim 3 times a week.. walk every day.. and bike nearly everywhere I go.. and try to find interesting enlightening interests.. they pop up surprisingly and I delve into them...

Go with it... understand that everyone who retires goes thru this... embrace it and know that you WILL get used to it... believe me... it is one major life change.. but some of the things that you get out of having freedom...

You dont have to schedule the comcast service on your day off..You can get it the next day. You dont have to call in sick.. You can go on vacation when ever you want... so just hang in there and we both will be able to handle this...


think
by: Helene

Cheers,

Other people retire at 55 and don't have problems. Depression can be cured but takes hard work, dedication & medication. See a psychiatrist or psychologist. I did and started to feel somewhat better in one month, and much better in three months. If you do nothing you are being a martyr..... when what you really want is to fly free.

when life hands you a lemon
reach for the salt and tequila

Move and Speak
by: Sophia

Steve,

First of all you must move physically.

Pysically: Exercise daily
Any form of exercise eg.jogging,
swimming, even walking

Secondly mentally speak out,
Mentally: In order to have positive thinking and motivation, need to talk to some one who has positive thinking and know how to give encouragement to you even a good doctor will help.

Any way YOU need to move (either stand up or step out from your door)otherwise wont work by sitting,
YOU must face your situation BOLDLY.

Steve, STAND UP BOLDLY and face the WORLD.

Problems will be solved, if YOU minimize the problems even delete them as we do in our computer. Then You will be much more HAPPY and face the WORLD with smiling face daily.


It's up to you, pal
by: Solveig

Dear Steve,

It's not easy, I've been there. I'm glad you reconciled your marriage. Not to scare you, but how long do you think she will put up with a lump just sitting there ?

MOVE, that's the first step. Go for a walk, force yourself out of the house.

Try to find ONE thing to be happy about- one single thing that is positive in your life.

After some walks, even if you think it's just a stupid waste of time (well, what else are you doing?) look and see if there are any interesting trees around. Have you ever thought of how marvelolous the creation is? Bet you never had time to think about LIFE before.

Again, there is nobody else who can really save you if you don't want to be anything but a vegetable. It has to come from inside you. it's all there, search for it, but with a real desire to LIVE-FULLY. If you want to write to me personally, ask Wendy for my mail.

A BIG HUG. Solveig. can you guess where I'm from, maybe, but you'll never guess where I am now!


Don't just sit there!
by: Carole

Dear Steve,

I know depression. I truly doubt that retirement was the cause... but sitting doing nothing won't help.

Those 60 hours you worked every week were the reason you didn't have time for depression. Now that you are not active, depression has moved in. The best way to move it out, is to become active. It doesn't matter what you do, but physical doing is most important.

I would also suggest that seeking a counselor that specializes in depression without use of drugs would be a good step. Sometimes just sharing our thoughts with an objective listener can alleviate many of the reasons for depression. For me, finding reasons to help other people was the answer.

First of all, you see others who truly have real problems, and it is an incredible high to give service and see others benefit. You will stop focusing on yourself and what you have lost when you focus on others and their needs.

I do wish you luck.... remember, you are in control of how you want to feel... now get up out of that recliner and get busy!

God Bless!


suggestions
by: Ruth McVeigh

First of all, you should pay a visit to your doctor. There could be a medical reason for your lack of energy and initiative.

If your health is good, you probably need something to build your self esteem -- nothing worse than feeling useless.

Try working with young people, or folks who make you feel needed.

Good luck.

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