Retired: I'm not living anymore.....just existing.

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Retired: I'm not living anymore.....just existing.

by Karen
(Chippewa Falls, WI)

I've worked outside the home all my life. I've been divorced for 11 years, have one son that is married and lives 10 hours away.

I've had anxiety, depression problems since age 7. Between medication and therapy it was kept pretty much under control. A year and 1/2 ago, I was laid off from a telecommunications company of which I had been employed as a lineman(lady)for the past 26 years. Of course I also lost my medical benefits. I do have some insurance, but nothing like I had when employed.

No medications seem to help. I feel so alone.

I don't feel like leaving the house, and don't unless I have to. I cry all the time. And things I used to enjoy doing I no longer enjoy. I don't even know who I am anymore, this just isn't the "me" that I've known all those years. How much can one endure day after day?

I really need some help/advise.

Wendy: I'm certainly not qualified to help with depression issues, but is this is part of your retirement transition, it IS difficult. You need something to do each day.. whatever that something is for you.

Can you volunteer locally to force yourself out the door daily? Can you start a blog (and write to the world daily)? Find your previous hobbies online and find new friends to discuss them with?

Join my free e-newsletter and find senior pen pals to talk to daily via email!

Lots out there, you just need to be well enough to find it all... Best wishes~!

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Retired: I'm not living anymore.....just existing.

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Alone
by: Anonymous

The days seem like eternity! I walk and spend hours on the computer and go to the grocery store, but it isn't very interesting. I enjoy not being rushed, but my life seems empty. No family, friends to spend time with... my partner works and I'm alone. I pray a lot so one of these days I'll find my direction... and I wish the same for you too!

Don't Give Up Trying...
by: Pam

I can honestly say I know exactly how you feel right now! For months after I left the home I loved and lost the man I loved for 19 years and moved to a senior community apartment, I cried every day, most of the day!

What I have learned over the past several months is that I am stronger than I thought, and this was not the end of the world or my life as I knew it. It was just a different phase of it, a new start again!

I also found God again and He helped me get to this comfort in my life. There is a lot out there you can do, first try going to your local health department for help with someone to talk to, or talk to one of your close friends. I have found that the doctor is a better choice, friends just want you to get better quickly and get over it.

Sometimes it is not that easy to do. It does get easier, I started my quilting again, and hope to enter a craft show during the holidays to try to sell some of them. I also started to read again, something I always enjoyed but never seemed to have time for.

f nothing else you now have time for all of the things you loved to do, and never found the time to do. You are always welcome to write to me, I am online most days and always welcome a new pen-pal. You can write me at pam@pamsplace.net.

I live in Mt. Clemens, MI not far from Detroit, so you are not too far away either. I am 61 and a mother to two grown sons, with four grand-children.

My sons live, one close by and one in Chicago. I also do not see them much, nor do I see too many of my old friends from years ago, most have moved on or are married.

So, I spend a lot of time alone, or reading, quilting, and I also crochet occasionally. Trust me, one morning you will wake up and realize that it is a better day and from that point, it will get easier.

You may still have a bad day or two, I do from time to time, but mostly they are good days because I can still get up on my own and see and hear the world around me.

Blessings,
Pam

Baby Boomer Resources
by: Adam

There are an enormous amount of resources available on line. you're not alone.

Existing
by: Anonymous

You are far from alone. Loneliness is an epidemic, partly the isolation created by technology, partly the change in family dynamics, partly the fact that we live longer and are very mobile.

I've thought of starting something, a way for women like us to re-create something like an extended family. Anyone else interested?

There is purpose in your pain, you only need to find it. Everything happens for a reason and nothing is wasted. Try Byron Katie's four questions.

You can't change what is happening to you, but fighting against it, telling yourself how difficult it is, that is what is actually causing the pain, not the reality but your thoughts about it.

Let my story show you the way ....
by: Retd. Prof. Mr. Durgesh Kumar Srivastava kumar220243@yahoo.in New Delhi, India

Esteemed Ms Karen, Wendy has given you the best advice You must reach out to people in your own way and you will have no dearth of people to talk to.

Let me tell you the story of my friend, a retired man in his 60s. He had been divorced and had no children. He lived alone on the edge of a a forest. He had five pets - four cats and a dog. They were his only friends and he spent a lot of time caring for them and talking to them. His neighbours thought him to be eccentric.

He would write extensively about his pets and post his blogs on the Internet. He wrote so well that he soon had a stream of letters. He was also a skilled craftsman.

He could make beautiful dolls out of waste cloth. He kept himself busy with his pets, doll making and tending to a small kitchen garden.

One day the police arrived at his residence along with some court officials. They had a Court order declaring him incapable of looking after himself. He was to be transported to an institution for mental patients. His property was to be attached and his pets put to sleep.

Seeing the commotion in his house, a neighbour arrived and talked to them. He stood by the old man, got a lawyer to represent him and moved an application for him to be freshly examined by a medical board.

When he was taken to the hospital for his medical check, he came to know that a certain child was admitted to the same hospital for bone marrow transplant but the child was going to die because a suitable donor was not available. He asked to be tested.

Luckily, he was found to be a perfect donor The life of the child was saved. The child's family adopted him as their own and began caring for him. Now he had a foster family bound by love. His life had changed.

You are not alone in this world. Reach out in love and people will respond. You can write to me by email. You should also write to your son everyday. Have no worry.
Best wishes. DKS,11.4.11

RE: I'm Not Living Anymore....
by: Anonymous

Even though I retired under different (positive) circumstances, I believe feeling alone is a common thread when our days are no longer filled with lots of activity--not having enough to do allows us to internalize to a negative extent.

The advice to get outside is crucial at these times--taking walks is an activity you can do alone, which eliminates the "excuse" that you don't have anyone with whom to do anything!

I relate to your feelings and there have been times I have felt very alone, to the detriment of my well-being, which is why I am writing. I absolutely will NOT go to the movies alone, nor will I go out to dinner alone (and I get depressed when I dwell on that fact if I happen to be alone at the time)--yet, I have seen others who don't let being alone stop them from doing these things.

Everyone is different!

But walks are so good for you, and you CAN do this alone without any feelings of "social stigma!" Perhaps these walks will evolve into other activities, but even if they don't make walking a daily "must" and you will find your spirits have lifted to a degree.

Most importantly, do not dispair! You are NOT alone!!

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Retired: I'm not living anymore.....just existing.

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Retired: I'm not living anymore.....just existing.