Retired: Tired and Sad all the Time

by Chris

I've been retired almost 4 years now and have been struggling with depression ever since. I was not expecting to feel this way in retirement as I've always been active and involved. I didn't realize how lonely I would feel or how many of my "friends" were really just work-related and that they would no longer be interested in spending time with me once I was not working with them.

I spend about 2 hours a day related to caring for my 98 year-old mother who lives in supportive living and is in late stage dementia. Most of the time, she doesn't know who I am anymore but I go because I know who she is!

Other than that, I don't really know what to do with myself. I attend bible study and book club once a week and had hoped I'd find like-minded potential friends but most have a circle of friends already and are not interested in pursuing friendship beyond the group time.

I have breakfast weekly with one friend who is not interested in doing additional things with me apart from that. Two daughters live within an hour of us but are too busy with their own lives and families and do not seem interested in spending time with me apart from seeing them at their children's sporting events.

I recently started seeing a therapist to help me deal with intense anxiety associated with the depression. I just can't get interested in doing anything else. My husband is still working and has his own interests that are quite different than mine and he is an introvert and a quiet type guy not prone to much conversation.

I just feel so tired and sad all the time.

Comments for Retired: Tired and Sad all the Time

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I have something in common with you
by: Delores /Orlando

Retired 2014, I slept about four months, then I woke up reaching out to help others. Volunteering is fulfilling my empty nest of two adult sons and one young adult (18) year old grandson.

I am on vacation now from my volunteering, which includes elementary reading programs with kindergartners and VPK students. I also volunteer at the Free Store for Teachers. All of these activities, I love!!

I also exercise daily and play golf. I am enjoying but I do things Alone my spouse is going through depression and he will not seek any help, self cure the "bottle".

Wish I had seen this on the horizon!
Tired and Sad all the time
by: Anonymous

Since my retirement in 2015, which was a year ahead of my official retirement, I too was feeling sad and was wondering what I was going to do.

I offered my services to the Church and did some part time work up to end last year. However, latterly I felt that too became a responsibility and I was quite tied down.

This year I am enjoying the freedom and have been following a church programme for the past three months which will end in July. I have joined a Bible study group in my neighborhood and join a couple of them for a daily walk in the evening. I have also started some online courses which keep me occupied as well as have planned a trip to the Holy Land.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
DISCOVERY
by: Loyce!

What is your passion? People? Pets? Cooking? Golf? You are free to follow your path or carve one out so talk to a counselor to help you find direction and work through the angst
Tired and Sad
by: Louisewt

I was thinking of another idea. Not sure if you have some kind of a hobby or are talented in some subject matter but teaching an adult education course might be something you could do.

Our adult education here where I live doesn't require you to be licensed or certified in any topic. For instance if you are a good sewer, you could teach a course on sewing. There are lots of things you could teach. If you worked in an office and you are good at Excel, Word, PowerPoint, you could teach that. If you are a coupon clipper person and know all the ins and outs of saving money that way, teach jewelry making, scrapbooking, exercise, any type of hobby or collecting, photography.

My Mom was an avid canner and canned just about anything. I tried to get her to teach a canning course but she was too shy to do it. She did teach one of my friends at her house though.
Retired: Tired and Sad all the Time
by: Sherry/Wilmington, NC

Boo on co-workers. These people are only your co-workers and that is all!! People don't want to be friends they are afraid you will ask them to help you with something when they only have time for themselves.

When you are depressed, you need a change. Go on a trip and see new scenery it will lift your spirits. Meditate it will help you to relax and so will exercise. You can go to your local Senior Center for exercise, dancing, card playing, having lunch with others, art work, etc.

Get a part-time job; yes there are senior friendly companies!! Help other seniors; there are always others who need you!! It is such a satisfying feeling helping others!!

Good luck and be thinking a lot about what you want to do and you can find lots of idears on this website and Wendy will help you too. She is a life coach!! You go for it now, OK?!!!
Here at the Villages
by: Scott Roberts

I could have written your note 2 years ago. What saved me is that I leveraged a strength I have (playing the guitar and singing folk songs, John Denver, oldie but goodies etc.) and started to play for patients in their rest rooms at a local hospital and at a flurry of rest homes.

Long story short, it gave me sense of purpose I lacked. I am a retired atty who had his own law firm.
Retired: Tired and Sad all the Time
by: Lin, Cape Cod

Hi, Your post could have been written by me with the exception of having two daughters and activities. I totally understand and sympathize with you. I too realized my friends were just co-workers, much to my surprise. I try to think happy thoughts and be grateful for my physical health and a loving husband. It's tough sometimes though. I get very lonely and bored. Seeing a good therapist will help you. Just remember, you aren't alone and are very
loved. Cheers.
I understand...
by: Chris/Valencia CA

I was forced into retirement and not prepared for it at all. I found a part time job, in a totally different field than i worked in before, and found the challenge quite satisfying. Plus the fact that is was part time only made me "tired and sad" half the time! Funny thing is the more that i'm off the more creative i have become in finding things to do. I also was very fortunate to find a good therapist who is helping me find direction in my new life. Do not feel alone. Many of us are in the same boat working to find our way!
Sad all the time
by: Louisewt

I am not the poster child to give advice but as another writer mentioned, I have no children, parents or blood relatives in my life. I am not a joiner either. However, some people enjoy their Senior centers. Some offer day trips, dinner clubs, exercise, movie's, dancing, and some even offer major trips to Alaska, Las Vegas, Hawaii. Then if you have a YMCA, you could check out what they offer. Schools offer Adult Education courses and maybe you could check into stores like Michaels or Joanne's. They offer craft classes to learn how to make jewelry, and other crafty things. If you have a sewing machine, you could buy some patterns and material and start off with simple things like pillows, place matts then work up to gift type things or clothes. In my area they have a small theater and I think they look for volunteers to help out or you might get into acting. Of course there are lots of volunteer opportunities of which I have not done. You could check out on line education classes: https://www.ed2go.com/osuokc/SearchResults.aspx?Sort=RELEVANCE&PrevSort=RELEVANCE&SortAsc=True&ProductGroup=FEATURED

Take some interesting classes. A lot are only $95. I have taken several. When I was working I took some technical writing courses and I have taken other office type courses. I have also sold things on ebay and etsy. Ebay will keep you very busy. It is easy but takes time to write the ad, take pictures of the item, fill out the form then when you make a sale off to the post office.

Maybe you could plan a vacation with your husband. Investigate the place you would go to and all the interesting things to see and do and restaurants to eat at. Make up an extensive itinerary for each day like a tour guide.

Another thing you could do is do a family tree with pictures and maps for your children and grandchildren. I wish I knew more about my family tree.

Make a family favorite recipe book and have it bound at someplace like Staples. Look up www.meetup.com and find a group that you might like. There are groups that hike, bike, meditation, book clubs, photography, tons of groups!

I am out of ideas for now! I hope you find a way to get out of your slump! Get going! Good luck!
I feel your pain
by: Nancy

I get it. I have been retired 5.5 years now. I felt very depressed the first year or so. And longed for work for a long, long time. I still do kind of, but not nearly as much as I used to. It will get better for you. You have a therapist and you are going through the motions by staying active and will get better in time. I found hobbies to make my days enjoyable. But I am an introvert and home body. I wish you all the best. And coming back to this group you will find a lot of wisdom.
Retired by choice?
by: Susan/IL

I had to retire 3 years before I planned to due to severe health problem. I was angry for the next few years. Been retired 10 years now. Struggling to accept my health. But the first years after retire I was able to do more than I am now. So looking back the retirement was a blessing. You are in my prayers as I feel your concerns.
Retirement -Change?
by: Sherry/Wilmington, NC

Hi, I know how you feel! It is difficult I find to meet new friends and make them friends and keep those friends. People have their own interest and they are involved in their things and are not interested.

I started volunteering @2 different places here and have made friends! Maybe not close friends, but friends anyhow. I also joined the Senior Center and go 4x week for exercise and a therapy
class once a month. I have made several friends there.

At one volunteer location was asked to join a group of ladies for breakfast once a week and I have been going. I am grateful. Just smile a lot because you know a smile is attractive you will attract folks that way!

Good luck and pray, God will take care of you.
Interesting things on the Internet
by: Elizabeth/Spokane

I am sorry to hear that you are tired and sad. You sound a little bored with your life, too. There are so many things to do.

I find that there are lots of interesting things to read on the Internet. i just listened to a webcast about essential oils. One oil mentioned was Geranium oil which when 2 or 3 drops are diluted with coconut oil and rubbed on the abdomen or maybe chest as well, will help with with relieving anxiety.

Also, I listened to a 7 day broadcast/video series about medical marijuana - cannabis. Fascinating how it is healing people with right dosages and doesn't get you high or "stoned" because it has a CBD formulation rather than the THC that hippies smoked when I was young.

Start researching topics you might be interested in. Check out u-tube. I hope this helps you.
Understand but...
by: Anonymous

Hi, I know it may not feel like it to you right now, but it seems you have a pretty nice life going on there. Book club, grandchildren sporting events, two daughters, breakfast once a week, etc. That would be plenty for me.

Please try to see that you are very blessed. I retired recently, have no daughters, no grandchildren, all friends are working, but I'm still enjoying my freedom. But I'd love to have what you have.

Perhaps you need to look deeper into your depression and maybe see someone about it. I wish you all the best and hope you find happiness soon so you can really enjoy life now that you've retired.

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