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Retirement Can Be Funny, You Know

by Tom Damron
(Plano, TexS)

Smart Grandpa

One day a city police patrol car pulled up to Grandma's home and Grandpa got out of the back door. The patrolman explained to Grandma that Grandpa stopped him in the park and said he was lost. He showed me his identification so I drove him home.

'Aubrey, 'said Grandma, 'You've been going to the park for over 30 years! How on earth could you say you had got lost?'

Leaning close to Grandma and out of hearing range of the patrolman, he whispered, 'Ethel, wasn't lost at all. I was just too durned tired to walk home.'


Getting Down To Business

My wife looked up and said, 'Whaddya doing today?'

Without raising my head, I replied, 'Nothing.'

She spit back to me, 'You did that yesterday!'

I quickly shot back, 'Didn't get it finished yet.'


Grandpa Teaches a Valuable Lesson

Allison, a middle aged mother, decided that she wasn't going to hound her kids any longer about their need to write thank-you notes when they received gifts.

The result of that was that Grandpa never received any thank-you notes for the generous checks he'd written to my three kids.

However, the following year, things turned out very different. He called and said, "I want you to know that all the Kids came over personally to thank me." He declared in a triumphant voice.

'That's good,' I responded. "Wonder why they decided to change their conduct?"

'Oh, that's easy to answer." He spouted. "The checks I sent this year weren't signed!"


Surprising Dress Code

Two late middle-aged ladies were discussing the upcoming dance at the Middletown Country Club

Sarah looked toward Melinda and said, "The announcement said we're supposed to wear something that matches our husband's hair, so I'm wearing black.".

"Oh dear,' uttered Melinda, " If that's the that case I'd better not go."


My Rememberer

My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

For when I'm "here" I'm wondering
If I really should be "there"
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say 'what am I here for?'
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, 'who in the world was that?'

Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.

Comments for Retirement Can Be Funny, You Know

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Great stories
by: Donna Augusta Mo

Tom thanks for these stories I got great chuckles from them. It is nice to see someone with a sense of humor about our aging process.

Laughing our loud
by: Sheila in Canada

Thanks, Ted, for all your funny jokes. I want you to know that I print them out for my neighbour to read to her husband, who is blind. He loves to laugh and he has YOU to thank you for his chance to do that. (I always add your name, of course.)

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