Retirement: It's starting to get to me...

by Helen
(Toronto)

I retired at 60 when I couldn't stand working with my new boss who was a very bitchy, controlling person. After cranking out the numbers I decided I could retire so one day when a few things at work got to me I decided to retire ASAP and by the end of the week I was retired.

At first I was thrilled and so happy to be retired. Why would someone want to go to work when they could stay home and collect a pension?

After about a year and a half the lack of activity and motivation I'm feeling is getting to me. I've had toe surgery a week ago so have been housebound for a week and now wonder what I'm going to do with the rest of my like.

I'd love to chum up for walls with a woman in My neighborhood but the streets are empty and I don't bump into anyone. I joined a Zumba class in the evenings but the woman all work so it hasn't resulted in making new retired friends.

I live alone as my daughter and son have moved out. I have a boyfriend and we see each other mostly on weekends. We are both independent and don't want to live together as we are both divorced and know being married is no picnic.

I divorced ten years ago, and love living alone and don't want to make meals, do laundry and clean for another person as I've been there and done that. I would love to travel but I don't have enough money and most of my friends are still working.

I don't know what to do but I don't think I can do this and be happy much longer. I wouldn't mind getting a job a few days a week but don't want to work for minimum wage either.

I'm confused and restless.

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It is confusing.
by: Nancy

After years of working full time and taking care of life responsibilities no wonder we have trouble slowing down. It helps me tremendously to read others' stories like your own. You will find your way.

When I retired, I tried to recreate my old life by finding another job. I learned that trying to recreate your old life is a part of the grieving process, albeit futile. I got my references in order, redid my resume, and applied for jobs. I had an interview for a job I really wanted, but botched the interview. Then I worked one day in a day care afterschool program, but found out I had to clean toilets!

What has save me is my quilting hobby. I have my own space in the house. You will find your way too.
So Far...
by: Anonymous

Well, you sound very experienced compared to me but here goes......

I walk my dog 6 miles or exercise at home for a half hour a day. I am on a couple of blog sites or something like that at myfitnesspal.com, which helps me log what I eat.

My x and I are estranged living in the same house - I am not in the dating game, nor do I want to be.

I am learning FRENCH which takes forever because I am figuring it out on my own with youtube and online sources. I watch tv. I have friends after church on Sunday and we all have doughnuts together. That is plenty for me - French takes forever.

Oh yes, I had two packets of seeds from a science fair. They are seeds that attract butterflies, so I made a butterfly maize garden in my back yard. Maybe it will grown, who knows.

I do my bills. I dispute discrepancies in billing, etc - there are too many to count sometimes. I listen to music. I am an introvert, but if a friend asks me to go to a movie with them I do and then we go out afterwards and discuss the movie.

Right now an old friend is coming over to review the Montessori Math method since she is tutoring and really a math ditz. She changed her arrival time, saying it suits her better. If she is not here by the time that "suits" her!! (whom I am doing an asked favor for), I shall exit through the back door on a walk without my phone.
it ain't easy
by: Bruce Reznick/New York

Retirement, particularly if its not on your own terms. isn't easy.

In disimilar circumstances but similar in that I too was "forced out", of my career, I felt incomplete and spent a lot of time blaming myself for the circumstances. Others, still working also wondered, or so I felt, "what did he do wrong."

The bottom line is you did nothing wrong and it sounds like you worked hard, had a strong work ethic, raised some good kids, and met your responsibiliities head on.

There's little quiet reward for that now, but that's a reward that you have to give yourself. I am still struggling with a search for new friends and acquaintances and a new future..

the only thing I can recommend is to go to the gym or the Y and start challenging yourself to feel better.

you'll sleep better, feel better and have more positive energy to workd toward that new future, which will be different from your full time working past.

Don't let the circumstances of isolation destroy your hard earned self respect.
Volunteer
by: deb/akron .ohio

Been there, done that.

I started volunteering at a national park, teaching crafts once a week at a retirement apartment, took up bowling, dancing, and found out about silver sneakers free membership to a fitness gym, so I swim 3 days a week. My afternoons and evenings are free for relaxing, hobbies, gardening, reading or whatever.
Part Time Job
by: Judy - Columbus, Ohio

Get a small part-time job, even though it might pay minimum wage - It can be your spending money - I did - much happier!
LOOK OUTSIDE YOURSELF!
by: Sheila in Canada

When I read your submission, your answer came to me right away. VOLUNTEER! You have talents, so why not use them for the benefit of others? Retirement is the perfect time to help those who need YOU. Believe me, I know that not only will you help others, you will receive help for your own needs. IT WORKS!
Volunteer
by: Betty Audet

In a city like Toronto there are an immense number of opportunities to become a volunteer. Start exploring/ Many volunteer positions would give you lots of opportunities to meet others. There is also a great deal of satisfaction in helping others
Huh - Gee -
by: Rox/BCH AZ.

I do not know much about Canada, but I DO know that the part of restlessness and anguish over not being active is a part of retiring that HAS TO HAPPEN. Do you garden? Read? These things have brought about ideas, and that's what you need.

SLOW DOWN. The world is not going anywhere without you and there are NEW THINGS that you have not tried or seen before that you can now. Get the house organized the way you REALLY like it, not WANT it.

Wanting is too emotional, liking is just right. Be yourself, that is all you've GOT TO DO.

And smile.

Feels good? GO WITH IT!

You sound fearing, just as we all have or are. It may be the same place, but it's different.

GO WITH IT. L8R. Rox
retirement insecurity
by: Anonymous

I know what you are saying about being confused and not sure what to do. I myself am still working full time, but it feels like too much, especially some days. My current position does not allow part time, so it limits my options here.

I dread the thought of going job hunting, even part time.

I worry about the financial aspect of retiring, I had enough years of living from paycheck to paycheck, but some days I can hardly get myself to go into work.

Yet what if I get sick or disabled for some reason and I didn't take the time to do some life memory makers, only work.

No wonder we get confused.

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