The Role Retirement Played in my Spouse and I drifted apart

by Delores
(Orlando,FL,USA)

I worked as a teacher for forty-three years, and believe it or not was was not ready to retire because I truly enjoyed working with my students and their parents. My spouse has been retired for sixteen years and that means he does all the washing, cooking and shopping with sale paper as well as coupons.

Now that I am on the scene, we argue all the time. It appears he treats me as if I do know know how to do a thing.

Recently, I am a Y member and I exercise daily, I am starting to play golf again, and I volunteer at a Free Teacher Store one afternoon each week. I am taking it very slow, because I want to give my two adult sons some encouragement and also my fifteen year old grandson. I feel that I reached out to my students and their parents, now it is time for me to reach out to my own children and grandson.

I have tried to do my thing and allow my spouse to do his, but he always critcizes me, and that irritates me. In the public eye he acts as if he is perfect, but at home very hostile when talking to me.

I have tried to make conversation about things I have observed in our neighborhood, he always states, I have known that for months. He does not travel anymore due to Panic Attacks, so he watches television reads newspaper, and works crossword puzzle in the local paper. He does not travel to see our son and his family, even if I drive.

I feel that respect has disappeared from our marriage. When I go to bed, the TV comes up louder and I do not do that when he is resting. Now, he is resting and I am on the other side of the house writing, so that the lights will not interfere with his sleep.

As I make the retirement adjustment, I will continue to ease into my niche of comfort, so that I can enjoy my fruits of labor.

Comments for The Role Retirement Played in my Spouse and I drifted apart

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Happiness - your choice!!
by: Ellen

Your husband sounds an unhappy man but you cannot be responsible for someone else's happiness. Ask yourself as I did, " Does he add to my life ? " If the answer is no, he is probably taking from it. You are living in a precious time of your life, it is not selfish to seek your own happiness. Be with those who appreciate you, not with those who are dragging you down.
Retirement Blues
by: Joe W.

I'm seeing this common problem for men throughout the World. Too many men put it on the line and work very hard in their corporate life and then get no guidance for a 'happy and productive' retirement life. The tragedy is that many men also notice something is wrong but no one steps in to help.

I'm pushing for a major transition facility solution where couples or singles can go to find out what the real possibilities are for their own retirement life. I hope this comes sooner rather than later because this can only add to more divorces if this problem isn't solved soon.

Joe W.
Drifting apart
by: Rosemarie

When I first retired (unplanned), my husband and I argued constantly. He'd been home for 15 years while I still worked and had his own routine and agenda every day. He's a Virgo and very critical of me and tries to tell me how to do everything even though I've done it all my life.

We argued every day so I pointed out to him, that I'm not like him, I don't think like him, I'm more laid back, but we reach the same result.

He's chilled after 6 months and things have calmed down having found our own outlets and routines. We've been married 39 years, but we never spent 24/7 together. That's what every couple deals with when they're finally together ALL THE TIME.

Good luck with your spouse. I hope you find happiness in retirement - you deserve it for all you sacrificed during your working years.
Happiness
by: Jeff

Never ever let one person take away your chance for happiness. Life is much to short.

As a Hospice volunteer, everyday I see people who either love each other with all they have or ones that just have not feelings at all.

I know for spending time with people that I want to enjoy each day, share my happiness, and allow the freedom of love to flow.

Think about what you want out of life and go from there.
Happiness to you.
Marriage and Spouses
by: Nancy

I liked what Wendy said about retirement being so good, but sometimes it takes awhile to get there. It sounds to me you are enjoying retirement with all the things you do. Except for your relationship with your husband.

I think Wendy is right, it may just get better on its own, and your husband probably needs medical intervention. He may resist this idea and there is nothing you can do about it.

Things will get better. They did for me.

Actually, my relationship with my husband is better than it was before I retired. He retired 10 years before I did. He used to go places while I was working, just like shopping trips, but I wished I could go with him.

Like I've said many times, this website is the best thing that has happened to me in retirement. Keep coming back.
Your Husband.. booo!
by: Wendy

He sounds like an unhappy man, full of anxiety -- and then you retire and get along fine doing things he can't (going to the gym, golfing, volunteering). How dare you have a Happy Retirement when he is not?

Kinda sounds like he needs medical intervention so he can find a happy life again.

All marriages take some adjustments when retirement hits. There has to be some give and take while both parties figure out the rules to their new leisurely life. I say this because it might all pass... maybe after he becomes accustomed to you being home, all is well again, maybe he needs more time to deal with his anxiety on your retirement itself. Who knows?

If he intends to live as is, and he probably does, you have no choice but to continue on finding a new life for yourself... that or become a hermit like him.

You have many options -- stay with him or leave. Even if you stay, still many options to find a fulfilling lifestyle,
just take your time and you'll find life will sort itself out.

Retirement is sooo good, once you "get there" but its the getting there that takes some time.

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