This is a list I wrote in my journal when I left work. I never intended it to be a retirement list but this is how it hit me. It started with flu like symptoms and then a very bad flu and then I never recovered. In many ways I am still recovering.

My symptoms started April 1, 2001 and I left work September 28, 2001. In between I took all my sick leave and all my holidays and never managed a full day’s work. In January 2002 I tried to go back half time but I couldn’t even put in 3 hours a day. Symptoms continued to accelerate.

Now far below you will find my ideal reasons for leaving work.

Journal

I can’t sit up.

I can’t prepare the nutrition I need to eat properly.

I can’t do the job physically.

I am overwhelmingly exhausted but I can’t sleep deeply for the pain.

I can’t get the medical attention required to find out what is happening due to waiting lines for tests.

I have just moved and I can’t unpack or put away my belongings.

I can’t drive my car, I have to pull over and rest.

I can’t communicate with my husband or family regarding my situation because they can’t hear or see me and I need to rest before I can make them understand.

I don’t know if there is enough to retire financially but I can’t remedy that as I am.

I can’t take part in any of the things in life I used to enjoy, friends, family, writing, reading, walking, groups, travel, independence.

Ideal plan

I have reached my full pension eligibility.

I want to live on the West Coast and write about what I want to write about.

I want to walk a 4 day marathon before I die.

I have purchased a small travel trailer and will be covering Canada and walking the Trans Canada Trail.

I have co-opted a writer’s retreat and arts café.

I am building a small home with a verandah in a natural setting with a small herb, vegetable and flower garden off the kitchen.

I am working part time commitments in a food coop, a plant nursery and preemie ward. One pursuit at a time.

I want to take 3 world trips – Eastern Europe, Spain and Greece.

I will be finding out who I really am.

I will be learning about the world I live in.