Retired, depressed as....

by ilona
(Killeen, TX)

I am 59. The last 5 years before retiring were horrible.

Between losing 2 houses (CA and Dallas) and bankruptcy, heart attack, 2 back surgeries and a hip replacement, along with being in federal jobs that were not the right fit as I was told I was too nice to my team and being torn down confidence wise, I gave up and asked for disability retirement. Wrong move.

I now live in Central Texas with my son and his family. I like dogs, gardening and reading. His wife is allergic to dogs and dust (so no books) and hates gardening.

They get upset if I sleep too much and forget I am in pain from arthritis everywhere and spinal stenosis. I am just so depressed and feel trapped and worthless.

I used to make $120k and now... this year I will take home $48k and next year it will be less. Sometimes I just feel like saying ...it.

Comments for Retired, depressed as....

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Retired, depressed as...
by: Vicki, Vancouver Island, B.C. Canada

I have been in forced-retired since 2010...I had a stroke at high altitude in the Himalayas while on a great adventure...my third stroke since I was 38.

I have owned an ocean-front home, and a farm with horses, among other properties. I have traveled the world in style.

I can no longer travel...I now live in a basement suite (at ocean-side), with my Coonhound. I live on just under $10,000 Can. a year...and Yes!, I was depressed for the first few years....having so very little money, after having been a free-spender all my life was damn depressing!

I finally came to realise just how very Grateful I am for all I've had, all I've had the opportunity to do, and even for a family that no longer speaks to me. I have made it to 60 this year, and many never get that opportunity.

I hope that you can find some peace in your life...it took me a while to accept where I am in the grand scheme of things now, but I am Happy...

God Bless You.
So sorry
by: Leigh

As I read your story I definately feel your pain. It is always hard to loose things in this life you love and value.

Please don't use this as a reason to stop your life where it is and not continue to move forward and try to salvage other areas of your life you can make better.

Try to repair your body as best as you can. Once you can think clearer look for alternatives to your present state of living arrangements. There are so many places where the weather is kinder for your arthritis (Arizona, California, Las Vegas, etc).

With the income you have, you certainly can live in a retirement community that has activities for seniors. It would be less depressing, less lonely.

You could have your pets, your life. Many of these communities have assistance with health care too.

Your life can be better, just please think about this.
Disability
by: Joe W.

It's not clear from your post if you are presently receiving disability income AND employment income?

Joe W.
$48K not enough?
by: Jane/Indiana

Complaining about 48K? Sorry for your afflictions, but $48K is nothing to complain about, that is more than plenty.
Move and Enjoy
by: Joe from North Dakota

Heck, with an income like that every year there are places like North Dakota that you would be doing just great. I am not retired yet but I sure plan on keeping busy when time comes soon. I agree with Wendy, Enjoy your life, your still young and can have a long Positive life ahead of you.
Comments for Ilona
by: Nancy

When I graduated from college, I didn't know what I wanted to do, so I went home to my parents' house. Nightmare. I went back 2 more times for 3 to 6 months after that over the years due to losing a job. I couldn't do anything without my parents' monitoring. I still have nightmares.

The reason I bring this up, is I have to have my own place, so no one can tell me how long I can sleep for example. Even if your income is less next year, living in an apartment could definitely be doable and preferable to living with someone else. I'm just speaking from my own experience.

I also started a new job when I was 58, so you could do that also. I have osteoarthritis, too; however, it has only gotten bad the last couple of years. I'm 65 now.

If you don't want another job or don't feel like it, don't let anyone tell you that's what you need. Everybody told me that. What I wanted was my old job back, and that wasn't going to happen.

You are in the right place with Wendy and the rest of us. Keep coming back.
Baby Steps...
by: Alison

Hi there...feeling sad for you after reading your post...Seems to me...and I know..it's always easier looking from the outside in..that there are some really simple baby steps you could try..

Most important..see your Dr. about your depression...there is so much that can be done when the right medication, or combination of medications works to relieve depression.

You've had a lot go on medically, and you don't say whether or not you're able to live on your own. If you are able...then DO IT.

It appears you have some restrictions living where you are, and those restrictions are getting you down.

Your income, although reduced, seems enough to afford you a place of your own, and your own freedom. You have not come this far for ANYONE to tell you that you sleep too much..or that your enjoyable activities are not acceptable because of "dust"????

Maybe join a book club...make your own little garden etc. I agree that parents and their children, in most cases should not live together.

Please get out there and take a few steps to improve your situation...Too much life left to be feeling as you are..

Please keep us up-dated...Best Wishes being sent to you..xo
Retired, Depress - Been there
by: David North Dallas area

I too lost house, Divorce and such. Lived with my daughters. They also had issues with my sleeping.

Finally found a job at less than what I was making. The hard part with the Job was not being required to think. In fact it was discouraged. You get the idea.

Today I live on about half of what you indicated you were getting. The funny thing is that money isn't an issue. My medical is handled.

In short I guest I have become comfortable with what I have. My main problem is I isolate. Trying to resolve it.

So - take notice of where you are in your life. This is the starting of a new life what do you want.
Move out.
by: Wendy

Just my two cents...

I think its rare where kids can return to the parents home - or vice versa. No matter how good you got along before, living together is a whole different matter.

Move out. You've got a great income, even if less than you earned full-time. You can easily afford your own place -- owned or rented. Find someone to share the housing if you don't want to be totally alone -- but I would bet you'd be far happier.

Visit your son and family when you care to, sleep when you want to , but mostly start LIVING again. You can do this...

Your confidence will return if you can live and make decisions for yourself again. You might be hurting but you've still got a brain to use, and you can't just sleep it all away. Heck -- you worked all these years to retire -- to allow yourself the time to LIVE (whatever that means to you).

Pick yourself up, Dust yourself off, and start hunting for a new home.

Explain it nicely to your son... "Just something I Need to do to live my life now. I need to be independant again, like I always was... you guys will be happier, and so will I"

Sending prayers...

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