Updated 2026. My mother passed at age 97 (2024) RIP. I will be updating this site so I can help retirees again. Write to me!

Current Dilemma

by Irwin Lengel
(Auburndale FL USA)

Good morning:

I would say that I have been a bad boy by not posting any funny stories. But truth of the matter is one thing about me - I must be in the mood and unfortunately the past few days (who am I kidding - months) - daily chores sort of took over although one can only do so many chores in a day. Bottom line is one thing led to another and another and well let's just say by the time the chores were done, so was my mind, and the mood wasn't on my side, leastwise not my writing side.

There are times I wake up and think to myself, perhaps you should write another book - this one about the trials and tribulations how the loss of a loved on after 62 plus years of marriage affects one. I must say the idea does intrigue me although I am finding that many people, leastwise friends here in the community and relatives, do not read Kindle created books. So, who would be my audience?

But I will say this - I am finding (and this might be due to the time of the year) each day is a challenge. If one keeps themselves busy, things seem to go okay, but stop being busy - and lookout!

The other thing one learns while going through the grieving process is that we must not stop doing exercises - even if such exercises were only stretching fifteen minutes every morning and taking a walk outside (weather permitting) at least five of the seven days in a week. Believe me when I say, one doesn't realize how fast your body can go into a - how shall I put this - "shutdown mood!"

What to do, what to do? One thing I do know is that I have to move on (not forget the past) but involve oneself in something to take your mind off your current situation. The reality of it is, we cannot change what has happened, but it is within our power to (tuck those fond and happy memories away - not forget - just tuck them away), pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and move on. If one had a hobby, they could immerse themselves in that but other than writing - I do Sudoku - and well, what can I say, that only holds one's interest for a short time.

Didn't mean to dump on fellow writers - but it is 12:40 A.M. here and I cannot sleep so I thought well, get up and write something. And (this is just my opinion) getting one's thoughts down on paper and sharing with others, hopefully, will help bring me out of the slump and get me writing again.

So that this post isn't a "downer" and to show I haven't quite lost my sense of humor, I will end this with a funny so that anyone reading this will hopefully chuckle and smile and as I used to say - then my job is done here. Thanks for allowing me to share with both retirees and those considering retirement.

Now that Mr. Anderson was retired, he finally had the time to read as much as he wanted to, the only problem he had was finding enough time to find his reading glasses.

Until next time!

Comments for Current Dilemma

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Keep in touch and reach out to others
by: Michael

Irwin,

My condolences on the passing of your spouse. I read once that an unspoken agreement in a relationship is that one of the partners will die first.

I am the younger spouse in my marriage by 9 years, but that does not guarantee that I will live longer. If I think about it, I am saddened more by the thought of my spouse being alone vs. my being the surviving partner.

The thing I do not look forward to is the quiet in the house. However, annoying, I will miss the sound coming from the TV in the living room, the random babbling of the other person as he cooks and cleans, the shouting at the TV during football games and political events, the lawn mower, and the blowing leaves off the driveway several times a day in the Fall.

Remember to give yourself permission to grieve as it is a normal process. There is no time limit.

If it helps, you might even want to set aside a time each day for the sole purpose of pursuing an activity to help with your grief.

I think a book would be a wonderful idea. You could write it in diary form, noting how grief affected you each day and the steps you took to embrace it and learn from it.

I would also suggest that you join a grief group in your area for those who have lost spouses. And, if you know of others in your situation - both widows and widowers - reach out to them as well. Invite them for coffee or lunch.

I live in a community of mostly older persons. What I notice most with older couples is that friends may have passed away and those prior social opportunities no longer exist. The surviving spouse is left alone in a quiet home.

How wonderful for them to have a visitor or get out of the house at least one time a week.

It might also help to continue traditions that both you and your spouse enjoyed, even if by yourself. A favorite food, a holiday tradition, a favorite spot to visit or vacation. You could include others and while paying homage to the old tradition, create new ones.

Many of the women of my Grandparents' generation had husbands who died younger, and the surviving spouse often spent 30+ years as widows. My own grandmothers were widows for 35 and 53 years.

While I am sure the grief from the loss of their spouses never went away, reaching out and keeping in touch with friends and family went a long way in helping to carry on.
For Wendy
by: Sherry/NC

I am so very sorry regarding your mother's passing.

You must be grateful to know she is not suffering any longer and she is feeling peaceful and happy. Heaven must be beautiful.

Just one day at a time and be with people you love, Wendy.

Wendy: Thanks Sherry!
Good byes
by: Ricardo

NEVER, easy to say goodbye, AND it usually comes with pain, emotions, memories.

Of course if we avoid reaching out to people so we NEVER experience goodbyes and emotional hurt, then, we place ourselves in a bubble of safety, THAT does not work either!

We need each other and social contact.

We grieve in our own ways, sometimes the hurt and pain NEVER go away, BUT we must continue to continue on down this journey of life, bumps&ruts&smooth roads,it is a journey, a beginning and end, related often times to the "seasons.

There is little thought to the other three seasons in our 'spring', BUT as we travel on we ALL to quickly if so blessed, find ourselves in the fall and winter seasons.

These seasons find us in temebering the past, and hoping that perhaps we will have another winter, another moment, another day, another year, yes, sometimes just a moment in time!
Irwin
by: Wendy

I was totally in that shut down mood for many months after Mom died. I can’t explain the emptiness that I feel… And this is my mother, I didn’t live with her, I did see her daily to help her, but this is not my married spouse

I have no advice on how to carry on. I only know you must. Whoever is left behind is forced to make a new life. How that happens I really don’t know as I’m working through that myself.

Sending healing prayers so that you can move forward in life without ever forgetting Dolly!

Love you!

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