Retired: Joy is not so Joyful lately
I retired 2 years ago from a wonderful 39 year of teaching world history career in public schools. My husband is an art teacher and since he is younger has 2 years to go. We live in the rural area of North Carolina and it is not possible to walk to get coffee and a good newspaper.
Most of our family is in Ohio, and this community here is for family and church. We are not from here and though we have a few friends, we, my husband and I, are each other's best friends.
I loved my career for about 35 years, until teaching changed. I am thankful for those years in education. I hear from many former students on FB. I had to retire due to cancer and treatment for it, but I was ready to go. It took about 2 years for treatment, then one year to rest and now here I am, retired at 63.
My main hobby is reading world history and when my husband is off we travel to Europe. I do some volunteer work at the local Cancer center, love it, work a little at the local library, about 8 hours a week, and try to keep a clean house and cook a little. I find I feel guilty that I am not cleaning out every cabinet and shelf in this house. I have begun to do that since depending on where our daughter settles, we will probably move to be with family back in Ohio. I love snow!
I think patience and acceptance is what I need. I am a spiritual person and believe in a personal Higher Power and I know /feel one day soon enough I will let go of these negative feelings.
When my husband retires in 2 years, we will move to Ohio probably where our only daughter will be living and most of our family lives. But in the meantime I must make a life of my own.
My husband is very supportive and fortunately, as a teacher, he is home by 3:30. OH and I need to exercise more! Thanks for letting me tell someone who might understand.
I have talked to a therapist about this and have thought about getting on meds for a little while, but am trying to just let God tell me what I need to do right now. I might do the meds though. I am not against them. I am cleaning out bit by bit and again I keep a pretty clean home and meals and lunches for work for my husband.
I think I am too hard on myself right now. As in " just what should I be doing Joy"?
Thanks for letting me vent here. I bet there are others who go through the same thing, huh? I have so much for which to be thankful: retirement with pension, a loving daughter, nice cozy home,a loving husband and a few friends.
I am blessed. Just cannot over come this guilt. LOL