Fear of retirement

by Anony.

I worked for the schools for 41 years and retired last year. I have always feared retirement.

My husband lays around all day sleeping or watching TV. When he talks, I respond but I look up and he is asleep. He has trouble walking due to a problem with his right foot. So now I'm stuck at home and we never do anything.

He will leave the house not saying anything. He is going out to get something to eat. He never takes me. He has always talked about his past and he continues to. He complains a lot and very seldom have anything positive to say.

When I say something wrong or ask a question he says I'm stupid. I have to leave the room.

I don't drive due to a physical condition. I try to schedule buses or cabs to pick me up.

I have to get out. I need a social life. I need to be appreciated. My kids are too busy to stop by anymore. They used to be here all of the time on the weekends.

What happened?

Wendy: Consider volunteering at someplace near the home. Get Out. Don't stay home and get treated that way. Go out to eat yourself... call a friend and make a lunch date. Go to a movie. Go to the Library (maybe even volunteer there if its nearby). Just figure out what to do, anything outside the home, and Enjoy Life Again....

Comments for Fear of retirement

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Hi
by: Gill

Well first off, you are not stupid! You say you can't drive but can you exercise? It does fill in some time away from 'im inside, as does pottering in a library.

I guess it might be too late to kick him into touch and became single.

Look after yourself first and foremost as it does sound like your husband has no respect or affection for you.
Join Wendy's penpal group and e-x-p-a-n-d your horizons.

Good luck :-))

First 3 years are the worst
by: Anonymous

I'm guessing your husband's retirement feels like too many retirements: waiting for nothing. Retirement can be a trainwreck for some people.

Your husband, who was once important and connected, is now (per your description) a couch potato. He doedsn't like it any better than you do.

I was forced into retirement, so I relocated to a different state to be closer to my family. Silly me. They were busy.

Without my old social network I was lonely! Happily, I had an aging dog that required more help... and more help... and kept me busy and feeling useful. She died last week. So I'm back to waiting for... nothing.

Back to you. You are waiting for him. Stalemate. See the problem here?

So the solution is to keep active. A daily after-dinner walk together is a start. Get a dog to walk and love!! Gradually build a new schedule. At least, that's what I think the answer is for me.

????????????
by: Sharyn~~~CANADA

If you don't consider leaving ( that selfish so & so )...

Get out of that house, make the situation one where he must learn to clean his own clothes, cook his own food, tidy up the bedroom - guessing you 2 still share one.

Yes, go to the dog shelter & have a look see- You will know when you look into the eyes of your new friend ( dog ) that your life has true meaning.

You need this for you, immediately you will have a different outlook on YOUR life, & your best friend will be there with you ( puppy- dog ) seriously.

When you are in the house with your significant other & you must leave for whatever reason, whether it be 2-3-4-5-6-7- times a day , take your best friend & GO GO GO!

What I did
by: Nancy

So yesterday wasn't such a good day in the life of this retiree. Myself. So today, I decided to act "as if". I got up, read my Bible and some other readings, prayed, went to the gym and grocery store.

This afternoon, I sewed and watched a video while I did so. Had a really good appt with my husband and our financial advisor and made a major decision about future long term care. And it worked. I had a good day.

You could start also, but just getting out. Take the bus or cab like you said.

Worthless To The Core
by: Joe W.

I see your husband feeling worthless and if things don't change this situation could probably move into anxiety or even depression. Maybe, try to get some help for him first and see how that goes.

Next find some friends online here or outside to get some moral support. This is a common problem with many men when they leave their macho corporate jobs and then transition to permanent couch sitting, sulking and criticizing people like you who just want to live an active, creative and productive retirement life.

Joe W.

Fear of retirement.
by: Susan Whittenham

First, discuss with your husband what you both want out of life and whether you have any shared interests any more.

If there is the slightest chance that you still have interests in common and similar expectations of life your relationship stands a chance of survival, but if not maybe now might be the time to consider ending your marriage should your husband not see the need to change the way he acts towards you.

Do you have any hobbies/interests/pastimes that you can enjoy at home by yourself, without needing to go out too often (if transport is a problem for you)?

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