Marriage in Retirement

Talk to your spouse/significant other and discuss your marriage in retirement and the retirement possibilities linked to retirement and being together 24/7:

-- do you agree on what you'll do daily?
-- do you agree on travel?
-- is the definition of retirement the same for both of you?
-- where will you live?

OK, so you've been married for 10, 20, 30 years and you both go your own ways, daily, to work. If you are the stay at home wife, you still have all day, alone, while he is away at work. Suddenly retirement hits, and BAM, togetherness 24/7. Yikes!

Retirement and marriage isn't an easy road and actually needs some thought. Yes, many folks are married and happily retired, but it does take some "give and take" from both of them. If you were happy together before retirement, you likely will remain happy together. However, if the weekends seem rather long to you (before he / she returns to work), just wait until you are both together 24/7!

Normal life on a daily basis changes after retirement, and you must cope with adjustment:

The newly retired partner could become depressed (and it take it out on their mate).

A spouse who has been a manager at work for years, suddenly starts ordering their mate about (not meaning to be authoritative, but simply following suit from years of work life).

GRIEVE the loss of employment. Just allow yourself and your spouse some down time to think about who they'll transition into. Help them through this depressed state with support and understanding as they find themselves.

SUPPORT each other through this time. Talk about what you'd like to do in retirement. Do you both have the same thoughts on retirement or are you different (he thinks retirement means a hammock in the back yard on hot summer days, and she thinks computer classes woudl be wonderful to keep the brain thinking!) TALK about retirement - why not? It's a huge step in your lives -- so take the time to discuss what you'd both like to do in retirement.

FRIENDS are also necessary. You might need to reconnect with old friends or find new friends. It could be a simple card game with neighbors on a regular basis. Dinner out with friends. Church events for some socializing with like souls. However, you can't do everything together every day -- well, some couples can, and others can't.

Accept that you'll both go your own ways sometimes. He plays cards or golfs with his buddies and she might go shopping with a friend. In retirement, just like in pre-retirement lives, you don't have to be shackled together. Just TALK about it -- and give each other some privacy -- there is a healthy balance to the privacy-togetherness dance and you've just got to work a bit to find yours.

HOUSEHOLD DUTIES can be shared. Oddly enough, simple household chores can give you both satisfaction. If you have been the housekeeper for years, share some of your daily duties with him.

Let him help -- even if it isn't quite up to your standard. This provides you with some time away from the house, time to pursue your hobbies, or simply allows you to do the chores quicker so that you both have some pleasurable time when the house is all clean.

A few ideas here:

Talk about retirement. It's a huge change in your lives and you need to discuss (not merely assume) what you'll do... where will you live, what will you do on a daily basis, which household chores are you both ready to do, will you vacation away for long periods of time?

What habits do you or your partner have that you might need to think about before What habits do you or your partner have that you might need to think about before you retire? If one of you retires first, are they ready for the partner to join their daily activities?

Find new or old friendships. During the working years, we are tired and often don't care to socialize much. After retirement, with more time on our hands, why not look up the folks you believe would be a good friend -- and have dinner together. It's a great thing for both of you, get out, share some chit chat and generally socialize (the stuff you miss from work).

Help and support each other. You can both help with the household chores. If your partner gets depressed at retirement, help them through it. Talk about retirement, where you plan to go in retirement, what you'd like to do, discuss your thoughts and share them with your spouse.

Some folks actually divorce this late in life... retirement doesn't help an already shaky marriage.

You have to work through the lifetsyle and relationship changes with your partner. Retirement affects nearly every aspect of your life, either positively or negatively, and its YOU who will determine how this part of your retirement goes. If you take the time to work your relationship through the retirement adventure, hopefully your marraige will gain strength as you enjoy retirement life!

Let's Discuss how Retirement Affected Your Marriage... Good or Bad

Did you both work before retirement? If you both worked, did you retire at the same time?

Did you talk about retirement -- or did retirement just "happen"?

Did a "new retirement" depression happen?

Did the newly retired partner start to help out with the household work more? how did it work out?

Do you have your own activities and friends for some time apart from each other?

Please share your thoughts on marriage after retirement... what made it work, what was negative?

Share your marriage/retirement experiences with visitors!

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