Guilt

by Lynn
(U.S.)

Is anyone else out there troubled with guilt?
I led a very sinful life full of horrible choices...
and there was no reason for this, I was bright, popular, had a fine home and family to grow up in.

But I left a perfectly fine husband (had an affair
and was too ashamed to stay) then married
another fine man, after two children and adopting
one I left again, this time could not take the
adopted one (country wouldn't allow him to leave
yet) so also left him as a young child (he became
a criminal, probably my fault). I tried to
return a year later but my husband didn't seem
to want that and I was too proud to try hard
enough to achieve it.

I was one of those spoiled by the "woman's lib"
nonsense...but that is no excuse for poor morals
and poor choices. I did not even put much energy
and hard work into career achievements.

Now I have a good enough life but am riddled with guilt.

I meditate, do tapping, and am physically active and healthy but not sure I will ever have peace from my past.

Lynn

Wendy: Interesting how we can't forgive ourselves... We are often our own worst critic. I would bet there was something in your past that caused your actions, something you ran from and never considered or don't even remember.

If you'd like to talk, use the Contact Wendy, bottom left and leave your phone number. I will call you...

Comments for Guilt

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Guilt revisited
by: Lynn

Thank you all for your responses. I have read and thought about all of them. It really is helpful to hear other's ideas.

I think that which I feel the worst about is having left a young child...especially as a teacher I see what this does to a child's life and thoughts about him/herself.

To try to atone for that I have spent many hours babysitting with my daughter's children as they grew and as I had the time and now my son's little girls. It makes me feel I am making a difference in children's lives even if I cannot go back and nurture that baby.

I agree that retirement has made me think about my life and realize the bad things I have done...and hope that I am doing enough good to atone and show God (and myself) that I truly regret wrong actions.

Wendy: God is all forgiving...

Woman's Lib/Past
by: Anonymous

Lynn,

I don't think woman's lib means you can do anything you wish whether it's right or wrong. Many women have broken the glass ceiling in all areas of business and careers. There is probably a long way to go yet but the right actions need to be carried forward not the wrong actions going backward.

About the past, I refer to Suzanne Sommers of '3's Company' TV series who based on her past would be a good candidate for being homeless and destitute; and yet she was able to rise above her bad past and achieve stardom,and a lot of acclaim as being talented, savy and if you like one of the early advocates in the woman's lib movement.

Forget about the past. Going forward try to make the right decisions to achieve happeness that is available for anyone that works hard on it.

Good Luck!

Joe W.

LOVE & COMFORT ****
by: Sharyn~~~CANADA

Hi Lynn,

l read your piece & l am wondering where all the love from your family went ~ l feel u didn't receive as much LOVE * COMFORT as u should have from 1 or both of your parents ~ your situation mirrors mine!

l am 66yrs old now, l also made some wrong choices when l was young & because of those choices, l've had a less than satisfying life!

l don't remember hugs & kisses from either parent, as l got older 15 - 16 yrs or so, l left school, home, friends & went out in the big scary world ~ all alone & started making those wrong choices very soon~ believing the young men l dated ( each 1 ) loved me* When l think about that time in my life now ~ how stupid was that ~ l was blind sided.

Yes, l've worked all my life, first child born 1965~ second child born 1969. Didn't love the man l married however he was ok, good to the children.
the marriage lasted 8 yrs. Then l married my second husband & yes l loved him very much, by then l was 27 yrs old & the children liked him well enough. However he was a drinker, RYE - not heavy but he went from Jykle - Hyde ~ so after 15 yrs, l divorced him, but l still loved him very much ( 1990 ).

l to feel some guilt cause the children moved several times with me, changing schools, missing friends they had made etc. However, l keep reminding myself " l did the best a single parent could do at that time" went back to school & became a nurse (1984 ) that decision also would steal time away from me & the Kids!

Yes, l felt guilty* but l needed to do this if we were to survive on our own. l knew if anybody was going to take care of all of us it was only going to be me ~ so l do know about guilt & raising my family~ the kids r adults now & lm sure they can understand now why l made the choices l made for our future.

Choices l did make *back in the day* did reflect badly on my future, however when we become adults,
we become wiser, smarter, more knowledgeable & get on with life.

Today, my son is a wonderful father to his 2 sons & my daughter is a wonderful & beautiful mother to her 2 daughters ( adopted )& for this l am so thankful.

Live in the present, don't dwell on the past, live for YOUR future, LYNN.

Join the Club
by: Dean

Lynn,

We all have regrets, some more serious than others. One thing to remember is nothing happens in a vacuum. Bad choices don't just happen because you are a bad person. The fact that you have regrets shows that you are a good person and have a desire to make amends. There probably were circumstances in your life which contributed to making decisions which you later regretted.

Everyone has some past guilt
by: James

Regrets, I have a few. Things that are too late to change. Guilt maybe too harsh a word. It takes two to tango, and one sometimes falls out of step, but the band plays on and life goes on. Oh, dear. Not sure that makes much sense.

guilt
by: Nancy

Yes, I am troubled with guilt. Now that I am retired (2 years) my life has been flashing before my eyes. I feel guilty about the choices I made in my early life as well as later on.

For example: I trained as a high school teacher, but ended up working as a typist in an office. As Maya Angelou said, though, I did the best I could at the time. When I could do better I did.

I also feel guilty about mistakes I made on the job. I worked as a therapist in the 90s and think about certain clients I had and how I would have helped them differently. I struggle with negative messages in my head which cause guilt.

When I retired 2 years ago, I regretted leaving my job for a long time. I think regret is similar to guilt. I no longer feel regretful for leaving my job. I realize it was the best thing for me.

try to forgive yourself <3
by: Betsy

Hi Lynn,

I am 62 and I have been single all my life. I love it that way!! I have been in only a couple of long term relationships, but I was miserable so I left. I felt trapped.

After reading your post I believe you and/or your intuition must have had good reasons to leave your situations even if deep inside you couldn't recognize them.

Maybe you were just being true to yourself. Maybe you aren't cut out for that lifestyle. Maybe you wanted to live alone all along, but didn't know it. Maybe you felt a sense of entrapment. Maybe you just want to date and not be committed. Not all women are meant to have a husband and a family. Maybe you are one of those.

It is no disgrace anymore for a woman to find her own way. There is freedom there!! Many may relate that to 'women's lib', but I think it's because lots of women don't need someone else to complete them anymore.

If we are not happy in life, we cannot be healthy. Sometimes we have to find out a lot of what we aren't before we can find out what we are. Being true to ourselves is one of our greatest gifts!

We cannot change the past, but we can ask ourselves and the ones we have hurt for forgiveness :)

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