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Retired, Married, Bored and Betrayed...

by Betrayed and Bored
(Michigan)

My husband retired several times, always returning to a lucrative consulting gig while I continued to work at a miserable dead end job with the only plus lifetime health care benefits.

As my spouse was self employed, we needed these benefits as there he did not have an employer to provide them.

I started the job shortly after we moved to a different state due to his decision to accept a position, leaving my professional network and upward track behind. His job fell apart and he went back to consulting while I plugged away at my benefit rich but toxic work situation. This lasted for 10 lousy years!!

During that time, he decided to take up golf and became possessed by becoming a good golfer. Vacations were dominated by golf and dragging a bag of clubs everywhere we went on airplanes and in cars. I have always (with his agreement) felt golf was a divisive hobby taking time away from family and he strongly agreed.

Also note that 15 moves during our 40 year marriage were dictated by his professional "needs" and our children are now living all over the place with no ties to where we now live.

I worked as soon as we moved and my contacts and social involvement was primarily at work where friendships were with mostly younger women and due to proximity rather than common interests.

I have a few friends but my closest friends are from communities where we have lived in the past.

He has decided that living in a retirement community is for him and has pushed and pushed to stay in Florida for extended periods of time in the winter. He is pushing to buy a place and I am concerned as I am just getting tired of trying to protect my own interests.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a fading violet but he is very, very controlling. Not bad but that is just who he is.

He is not very interested in seeing our children unless it is convenient and is closest to the one who is the closest so he doesn't have to drive very far.

I am lonely, bored and tired of trying to find meaningful volunteer opportunities in a city where there are many highly qualified people competing for volunteer positions.

My spouse is interested in finances, golf and his needs, in that order with only obligatory attention to me. Hence, the marriage is very cold and unsatisfying and I feel I am just putting in time until I can find someone to go on a trip with me or I can go visit my kids.

There is no spark left and I am just tired of it all and too tired to do anything.

Wendy's Two cents: I never posted this as you didn't leave an email address so that comments would be forwarded to you.. however, re-reading it, I hope others share their marriages like you did. I find this very sad....

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