Primary care physician

by mildred
(tn)


I am 78 years old. I have been seeing my primary care physician (who only treats seniors) for over a year. He is knowledgeable and has gotten me off many medications.


I always shower, wear a dress, and make up like I would if going out to eat or grocery shopping.

About 4 months ago his patient helpers ask me why I was dressed up? I explained that going to my doctor was a time to "get dressed". One said, "Did u dress up for the doctor?" We all had a good laugh and I forgot about.

Now 4 months later on a routine visit my doctor, his PA, and 2 more in training came in w/ questions about my health etc. Then my doctor who is probably in late 40, from India, ask me ,"Why u wear a dress and lipstick? how old are u?"

I can not get this off my mind ! On my next visit in 3 months do I address this, forget it or ignore??

What do u wear when u go visit your doctor? I am not interested in him, nor have i flirted or teased him. I am a retired RN and feel I have been professional.

I am to the point of changing doctors. HELP!

Comments for Primary care physician

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your doctor's comments
by: Your Name/Location

Hi
I AM WRITING IN ALL CAPS, NOT BECAUSE I AM "YELLING" BUT BECAUSE i CAN SEE WHAT I AM WRITING.

I WAS A NURSE FOR 25 YEARS IN AN ACUTE CARE HOSPITAL. I WILL BE 80 YEARS OLD IN SEPTEMBER AND HAVE BEEN RETIRED SINCE THE YEAR 2000.

YOUR DOCTOR IS NOT "HITTING" ON YOU SO DON'T CHANGE DOCTORS. MOST DOCTORS AND NURSES ARE ACCUSTOMED TO SEEING OLD PEOPLE LOOKING PRETTY FRUMPY, UNLESS THEY HAVE CARING RELATIVES WHO PRIMP THEM UP A BIT TO GO TO THE DOCTOR.

SO WHEN THE DOCTOR AND STAFF SEES AN OLD PERSON WHO IS DRESSED UP, PRIMPED UP A BIT, LOOKING NICE, IT IS A VERY POSITIVE HAPPENING FOR THEIR DAY. THESE CARE GIVERS SEE MOSTLY OLD PEOPLE BECAUSE ITS MOSTLY OLD PEOPLE WHO GET SICK. MAYBE THEY ARE EVEN A GERIATRIC PRACTICE. SO THEY SEE ANOTHER AND ANOTHER AND ANOTHER OLD PERSON WHO WEARS SAGGY CLOTHES, SOMETIMES DIRTY CLOTHES, AND THEIR SOCKS DON'T MATCH. OLD, SICK PEOPLE JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE GETTING FIXED UP. THEY FEEL TOO BAD.

SO WHEN THE DOCTOR AND STAFF SEES AN OLD PERSON WHO HAS MAKEUP ON, CLEAN CLOTHES, A SMILE ON THEIR FACE.. THATS A TREAT AND THEY USUALLY SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT. THEY REALLY CAN'T JUST COME OUT AND SAY "THANK YOU FOR BEING EASIER TO LOOK AT THAN MOST OF THESE FOLKS". BUT THEY DO WANT TO COMPLIMENT YOU.

THEY ALSO WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT LOOKING NICE SO YOU WILL KEEP ON DOING IT. ITS A PLUS FOR EVERYBODY IF YOU LOOK NICE. WHEN YOU GO TO THE DOCTOR YOU NEED TO LOOK LIKE YOU ARE WORTH SAVING!

IF YOU LOOK NICE, IT ALSO MAKES THE DOCTOR AND STAFF FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES. THEY ARE PROVIDING HEALTH CARE FOR A PERSON WHO HAS A GOOD SELF OPINION, IS INTERESTED IN BEING HEALTHY AND STAYING THAT WAY AND ACTING IN A POSITIVE, PLEASANT MANNER. WOULDN'T YOU RATHER TAKE CARE OF SOMEONE WHO HAS A HOPEFULL ATTITUDE AND AN OPTIMISTIC PERSONALITY THAN SOMEONE WHO ACTS LIKE THEY ARE GOING TO DIE, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO FOR THEM? yES, OF COURSE YOU WOULD!!

GO BACK TO SEE THAT DOCTOR AND STAFF.. WEAR YOUR REDDEST LIPSTICK AND SMILE A BIG SMILE.

AS FOR CLOTHES TO WEAR TO THE DOCTOR, I THINK IT IS GOOD TO PICK OUT ONE OUTFIT AND WEAR THAT ONE EVERY TIME. I HAVE ONE SHIRT, ONE PAIR OF SLACKS AND A CERTAIN PAIR OF SLIP ON SHOES THAT I ALWAYS WEAR. THAT WAY MY WEIGHT IS VALID. A PAIR OF SHOES CAN WEAR 5 OR 6 POUNDS. YOU DON'T WANT YOUR WEIGHT BEING WRONG BY 5 OR 6 POUNDS. wEAR THE SAME OUTFIT EVERY TIME AND YOU WILL KNOW RIGHT AWAY IF YOU HAVE GAINED OR LOST.

TAKE WITH YOU A PENCIL AND A SMALL TABLET OF LINED PAPER AND WRITE DOWN COMMENTS MADE BY YOUR HEALTH CARE PEOPLE. WRITE DOWN QUESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE AND WRITE THE ANSWERS IN YOUR LITTLE NOTEBOOK. IT IS VERY HELPFUL TO BOTH THE PATIENT AND THE MEDICAL STAFF.

BEST WISHES FOR YOUR DAY

JOANN


Better Safe Than Sorry
by: Your Name/Location

That is weird. Something funny is going on. Don't stick around to find out. It's probably nothing good. Change doctors. You might find one who is female, if possible.

Dressing up
by: Elna Nugent, Massachusetts

Dear Mildred:

It seems natural you would want to look presentable when you go for a doctor's visit.

I do know that if you are going for an examination they may prefer we do not wear heavy makeup and lipstick. Our skin can inform the doctor quite a bit about our health.

Perhaps they are making a big deal about it, because most of the women who go to your doctor dress very casually. If you dress as if if you are going to a party, to church, or to a very special event they may have felt surprised or even shocked. But they should have been tactful with their remarks, although they probably meant it all in good humor. If you feel up to it, maybe next time you visit, ask how most of his patients dress when they come to your office.

God bless.

Primary Care Doctors
by: Linda/Nevada

I worked in an office with an Indian employee. She said insulting things to me from time to time but I realized one day that it was just her cultural humor. One day she hurt me feelings by telling me my new eyeglasses made me look like a school matron. What she really was saying was that the frame was unflattering. She was right. I returned the glasses and picked a more flattering frame.

On the subject of primary care doctors, they are just people who went to school for more years than most of us. Doctors should never be put on a pedestal that they don't deserve.

Shortly after my retirement, on one of my routine doctor visits,my primary care doctor compared me to a lazy teenager who sleeps all day during their summer vacation. I think, at that point, I began losing respect for my doctor.

Doctors seem to be regarded as "superior" people but they are just people who read more science books than most of the population. I say treat doctors according to their behavior and not by the distorted praise that people give doctors. I regret not putting my doctor in her place for the hurtful remark she made to me during a very difficult time.

Go to your next doctor's appointment, wearing whatever you want, and remember that your doctor is just another person who has bad manners.


You Go Girl
by: Ricardo/USA

Mildred, you wear ANYTHING that pleases you that you feel comfortable in....the doctor be damned!
He is there to deal with your health issues, NOT to be a fashion critic!

People today dress up for nothing! Whether it is church services, dinner, the theater, it's shorts, sweat pants, jeans with "WHITE" tennis shoes....ug!!

You go girl, dress for yourself, NOT to please others.... let alone a nutty doctor.

Our society has gone from "formal and classy", to slobs that NEVER feel it is appropriate to, on occasion, dress up somewhat. I have seen people at weddings and funerals dressed as though they have just come from the gym...DISGRACEFUL to all those in attendance!!

WOW!
by: Wendy, www.retirement-online.com

I honestly don't know WHAT to say about this one!

Personally, I haven't worn a dress since I retired, except the occasional wedding or whatever. I do wear long maxi dresses sometimes just for fun sometimes! However, I'm in my early 60s (a whole different senior generation, right?) I'm a jeans girl, love jeans and the comfort they bring (despite being well-fitting). I do dress up, but jeans are my mainstay! Even at business conferences, I am in jeans. I also wouldn't go out of the house without lipstick... I get you there Mildred. GRIN!

As for this doctor, I think his comment is just plain WEIRD.

IF you continue to see this doctor, I'd definitely tell him how you feel. Ask WHY he'd ask such a question. Tell him that both his staff and himself have left you feeling anxious... seriously!

If not, if you choose to find a new doctor, send the previous doctor a letter. It's a good way to get your feelings out so the doctor is aware of how he made a patient feel with his unkind anf weird remark!

Finally, Use Google to find a new doctor: I did a simple search for Geriatric Doctor in TN and see several. I don't know where in TN you live, but maybe you'll find one. If not, find a kind primary care who doesn't poke fun at his patients.

Best Wishes!

P.S. Depending on the comments on this page, you could even mail him a print out of the page and other retiree comments!

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