Annoying remark from family

by joyce
(portsmouth uk)

I asked my son to buy me a few items from a shop which I gave him a voucher to use up.
I also gave him two gift cards for the turkey for xmas.

his next comment was his partner said my family don't like spending money... I took them on a cruise three years ago.

my youngest daughter is bringing up two adult children on her own who isn't working so she has to be careful what she spends. I gave her gift cards I have for birthdays and xmas which wasn't being used as I can hardly walk now with the pain in my arthritic hips.

this has upset me.

Comments for Annoying remark from family

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Ungrateful children
by: Carol

I’ve read these comments.

1 . Should I stay to be near children and grandchildren
2 . Dealing with major holidays
3. Disrespectfulness

Well after a LOT of agonizing over this decided for my own self we need to move (to another) state
Christmas Easter Birthdays etc have been I want I want I want even after being told grandma cannot afford what you want.

Christmas has always been my favorite time of Year. An opportunity to set out fine China and have an elegant table and dinner. I’m told that they don’t want to wash plates and want to use paper plates. My response it’s one time a year and it gives grandchildren chance to learn a little dining etiquette experience. Then they are so jealous of one another oh you spent more on them than us. Then it’s we gotta go, we have other stops to make.

Now I really talking about 1 of my two girls here.
Disrespectfulness is no. 1 priority with this daughter. Her daughter, when she knows her mother is not around, will be so disrespectful. I mention it to my daughter and excuse is you don’t understand she has ADD ADHD and that I have to change my behavior of being her disrespectfullness to me. Told her it is learned from her mother.

About 3 years ago, I had some extra cash, my other daughter son was getting ready for college. Sad situation for him no dad no other grandparents raised by single mom. So I bought him a car, now it was under $6000 so it wasn’t anything fancy.

Other daughter has been on my case - why can’t you do same for my son he wants to know when he gets his car. Me- well I don’t have the extra money now AND he has 3 other sets of grand parents. can’t they get together and do something. So I feel, oh hell no i’m not putting up what this any more.

Just like some of these post read as we grow older our mindset changes our bodies change etc. but I’m told by this daughter I’m mental that I could look better and feel better if I wanted to.

Had back fusion this weekend. Not a call, not a note, not a flower from her. My other daughter and her daughter came to visit me and brought me a stuffed bunny in hospital and I slept well with it cuddled next to me. To my surprise this daughter came back to spend the night with me. She’s the one I wlill miss but her life is changing too with new jobs and New boyfriend and his 3 kids.

So people are riight when they say the kids have their life’s and are busy with that and some just cannot or will not make an effort to be kind and respectful.

The particular daughter I speak of says she doesn’t want to get old and told me under no circumstances to mentiion her birthday when she turned 40 and that she is seeing a counselor about that. How does one respond?

Tried to explain to her that’s life and we all grow old. Some are in better shape that others and she tells me I complain to much about my ailments she doesn’t want to hear it. Again what does one say?

Oh well I feel I spilled my gut feelings here. It just hurts really bad when your own child whom you know was brought up respectfully would do this.

So much more but you get the gist.

Adult children
by: Sherry

My son and daughter are adults and they are self-centered, disrespectful and son is controlling.

I raised them, but don't know what I did to make
them this way?!!! I am a loving and caring person. I help my son and daughter-in-law all the time with the care of the grans. My daughter-in-law is a wonderful person; kind and very nice to me. I love her and I know I am lucky!!!

MY daughter calls me 2x during the year. Once on my birthday and once to ask me for a fundraiser donation!!! I have never been invited to her home!!! It hurts!!

I pray all of the time to understand all of this?

Too Many Expectations
by: John A

It's things like what Joyce experienced that turns me off totally about Christmas.

For years it seems folks have come to expect too much during the Christmas holiday. People equate the monetary amount or quantity to the level of love and caring from the giver. It's a giveme, giveme, giveme attitude that seems to have been fostered in society; whether here in the US or abroad.

To me, what is really important is the bringing of our family and friends closer together and to develop memories. It's those memories that are to be truly cherished since the material items will eventually break, wear out and be discarded when they are no longer useful. Instead, its those memories that are the most precious and they can be stored away in the mind, don't take up room in a suitcase and can not be viewed by TSA officials when you get on to an air plane. Yet they go every where you go without taking up space and are not required to be packed away.

But, folks have seem to lost sight of that nowadays. We see Christmas being rammed down our throats beginning in August and September in the stores and TV commercials. And all of this plays into the expectations some family members have on others.

They don't seem to care about bettering relationships and doing things for others out of caring. The Christmas holiday today is basically a setup to drive us into bankruptcy just to satisfy the unreasonable expectations of others.

I'd rather share the time with a loved one than to get some material item bought on the spur of the moment driven by a sense of obligation thinking that "things" will make me happy.

My God, what I wouldn't give to have the opportunity to sit down and talk with my parents who passed on or with buddies who were killed in action while I was in the service. I'd give anything to have those people back into my life and talk with on a daily basis or even a fleeting moment.

Those are the things I pine for in Christmas....not the latest electronic gadget, a Mercedes Benz. Only a good bottle of wine, a cold brew and time to share with those I care for are the only thing I desire.

Merry Christmas y'all!!!

Time for you to move on
by: Linda, Long Beach Ca

As good as you have been to your children, it sounds like they just expect it from you . Quit enabling them.

Think of yourself. This is your money and you need it now. Your kids need to grow up and pay them selves.

Setting boundaries
by: Anonymous

With our kids we can be too easily manipulated into giving away our money.

My dad RIP did well but wasn't rich by a long shot. They paid for the whole group when we would go out for dinner and we're always the ones giving.

But it became to be expected and some of the family called them tightwad and cheap when they wouldn't buy the grandson a car or pay his rent time and time again, very ungrateful.

I remember my mom saying she couldn't spend a lot of money because she "might need it someday" Someday is now.My Dad passed away Seven years ago and my mom went downhill and into dementia. She is 93 today and has had to have full time caregivers for over 3 years now.

Moms money dwindled down so much we just hope it will last her lifetime. My mom was wise because she didn't give her money away needlessly but she was never selfish about it. She gave what she felt she could.

I do not want to have to depend on my kids to spend their money keeping me alive, that's why we're shelling out those long term care insure premiums even though it's tight. I may not be as Lucky as my mom has been.

The morale of the story: Don your own oxygen mask before assisting others. And maybe that you don't like to spend money should be taken as a compliment.

by: Anonymous

Thank You All FOR THE Comments Im sure its his partners remarks but as they live close to me I may need them if I get any worse

I hope you all have a lovely christmas

time to stop!
by: Anonymous

Sounds like one of your family members isn't thankful for you or what you try to do for your family despite limitations of money and health.

My recommendation is to stop doing for them and let them do for you. If you wanted to take the time, give him your budget. maybe seeing what you have coming in and going out will sink in to the ungrateful guy.

If not, send him a picture of your Xrays and your doctor bills. If that doesn't work, I'd cut off communication with him. All you'd lose is his hurtful comments. You might gain some extra money and peace of mind.

Family Remarks from Family
by: Retd. Prof. Durgeshkumar Srivastava, New Delhi-58, India

I and my wife hosted our two sons, their wives and three grandsons to a dinner recently, to celebrate Indian Cricket Teams series win over England Cricket Team, and Indian batsman Karun Nair's triple century Our grandsons are cricket lovers.

As the food was served our youngest grandson, aged 13, asked his grand mom what it was on his ROTI (Indian flat round bread made of wheat flour)

She told him that it was GHEE (Indian clarified butter). Then she added ... "when we moved into this house 44 years ago, we bought 2 kilograms of GHEE for INR 12 only."

With an innocent look of surprise, our grandson asked .... "Oh so this GHEE on my ROTI is 44 years old ?"

by: Arthur C. Ford,Sr.

you have already taken care of them!! now it's time to take care of yourself,

that's your responsibility now,
your only responsibility!
you got a friend!!!!

arthur c. ford,sr.,poet/editor


Family remarks that annoy
by: Your Name/Location

Dear Joyce:

I may be wrong, but when a family member makes a remark like the one you mentioned, it can sometimes mean that they have to put you down on some level-because they have not -or could not reciprocate -and give you something on the level of what you have given them.

Who is it that said, "Never take anything someone says -personally because it is not about you. It is about them."

gift cards etc.
by: mildred/tn

FIDO-forget it and drive on.. Gift cards are not free..!!!

The friend of your son has a lot to learn..As seniors and on a budget-there are all kind of ways to make our budget,BOGOF,sales, clearance sales,gift cards etc..

It would be interesting to know how he supports himself or does he depend on others???

You are doing a great job, Joyce..

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