Are you disallusioned with life?

by Nancy
(Texas)

I have been on a path of trying to understand people. I don't know if I've ever felt so invisible or not needed. I have tried for the last few years so many directions to make friends and share some of my passions and wanting to learn from others.

I"ve tried churchs. . . and I have nothing against them but it just doesn't work for me. I am currently volunteering once a week and working part time.

The business I have worked for 16 years has been effected tremendously by the medical insurance mess! I have watched so many people walk away. Work is very slow. It's just me and my boss now. I know some day soon he will close.

I have no idea what I will do. I am 67 and recently had a fall and broke my knee cap. The healing process is slow. I don't feel good half of the time. It makes it difficult to walk with the pain.

My kids are 43 and 40. I never thought they would be so selfish. They are just too busy with their things. It's sad. Long story. They no longer want to exchange presents for birthdays or holidays. Even small presents to me was perfectly fine. It just meant that they took the time to shop. I don't understand.

I never quit buying gifts for my mother until she died. Small and large gifts were so appreciated by her. What has happened? I bought a very nice dress for my daughter and I wanted to stop by let her try it on. She called to say that she didn't what to hurt my feelings, but she didn't want the dress. She has her own likes, so I will send it back.

I could go on and on. . but I am just so tired of trying to find something that works. I hate feeling this way.



Comments for Are you disallusioned with life?

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I get it
by: Teri/Milwaukee

Hi Nancy,

It seems like we need a better system connecting people to other lonely people.

I had to move from my hometown and it took awhile but now I have 3 good friends.The odd part is that one of them was at the end of my street ALSO feeling lonely. We finally met because our husbands work for the same company. But it took over 2 years to connect.

Today is my first birthday without my Mom. I was close to her and enjoyed all my time with her. Her death in Jan sent me reeling. Nancy, out of 5 siblings only 2 of us were attentive to our Mother.

I know someone who has financially raised his niece and nephew and they are in college and still don’t know their generous Uncle’s own birthday! How selfish is that?

So there will be good days, bad days and days that all of a sudden you find a friend. It happened to me.

Send a card, call, invite the kids for dinner
by: Michael D. Bell, REALTOR®, Venice Florida

I exchange birthday cards with my siblings - we stopped the gift exchange thing many years ago (we're all in the 40's to 50's age range.) I send my niece and nephews a birthday gift (money towards company stock.) The thank you notes always came, but a few years ago, the older ones stopped.

So, I explained to each of them the importance of the thank-you note. And, that if they don't send a thank-you note, the gift will stop. So far, that seems to work.

My Parents and I do exchange cash gifts at birthdays and holidays. But, the most important thing, is that my Parents and I call each other on birthdays and holidays. I also write a special memory that I have of them in the cards I send to them.

While I used to see my Parents and siblings more often, I now live far away in another state, and only see them once a year.

I would recommend that you send your kids birthday cards and call them on their birthday. If they live nearby, invite them over for a birthday dinner and cake. If they don't live nearby or don't want to come for dinner, invite a friend over for lunch and cake to celebrate the wonderful job you have done at being a GREAT Mom!

And, while you're at it, buy yourself a gift too!!

Response to: Disallusioned with life
by: Ken / San Diego CA

Nancy,
I retired Aug 11, 2016 at age 66 (OMG) from my part time job (I worked for my friend's company) but in reality I semi-retired at age 55.

As far as not getting gifts etc. I live in CA and my relatives still reside in MI! I have NEVER received not even a phone call, or card for my birthday for 25-30 years from my nephews or sibling.

YET, the sure find my address to send me Wedding invitations (which equates to "SEND GIFT $$$$")

Well I decided ... sorry! NOT sending any more gifts, packages, gift cards, etc. (Do you think they would call to see if Uncle Ken is ok? since I didn't attend the wedding? HELL NO!)

So my suggestion is to SPEND YOUR money while you can, take trips, treat YOURSELF to nice purchases, trips, holidays overseas etc. and by all MEANS! Make sure your WILL leaves most if not all your money to a reputable CHARITY!

Best Wishes!

Try EFT
by: amv/mo

Hi Nancy,

I feel sorry for you. I am in almost a similar situation, except that I have a life companion, that is my wife of fifty years. But that does not help to solve the situation, when children are on their own page and I feel neglected.

What I have learnt is that I am my best friend. I try to fill my time by learning new things, like Energy Medicine, that includes EFT Tapping. Besides helping me in many of my physical challenges, this has helped me to derive the satisfaction of mastering new knowledge, and also of helping others.

Type "EFT Tapping for Knee Pain" in Google search and you will be thrilled with huge amount of information you will find, including several videos on this process. Read the website of eftuniverse.com to learn more about this fascinating new field of energy medicine.

I use it to cure from the simplest coughs and colds, catches and pains, to the more complex issues like Bronchitis, and the stress of life. It works wonders, and very fast.

Good luck and God bless you!


Comment on Natasha's post...
by: Wendy, www.retirement-online.com

Young people don't do thank you notes or letters anymore.

They talked about the DJ's son... he was all excited to buy 5-cent stamps on sale! (pretty sure they weren't on sale... grin!) He was in his early 20s.

The mother actually had to sit him down, talk about the cost of postage stamps, that you could buy them at a post office or at other places, and how to mail things. He had no clue!

Imagine this next generations -- young adults, not kids -- never mailed a bill payment or a letter! GRIN!

Seriously -- they do it all online now... and have for their entire lifetime!

If a Thank You is necessary -- a quick Thanks on Facebook is all you'd get.

Just had to share this radio discussion!

Lifes are hectic and they have there own now
by: Ed McCormick Fulton NY

I retired at 62, I am now 65. I work a part time job, nothing strenuous for 20 hours a week just to get out of the house for awhile, people are friendly but a big age difference so I don't fit in, they all comment I do a wonderful job so thats great.

I got divorced from my first wife in 98 and remaried in 2000. My present wife and ex do not get along. I had 3 children with the first and they stayed with me for a year, said we were too dtrict and went with there mother. I adopted one who was 6 months old when I met the first wife, the second was a son and the third was a son but not mine, I do not hear at all from my adopted daughter for over 6 years now, my son I very rarely hear from and only a few times in the last few years. Now the boy who has my last name but is not mine lives in Florida and I hear from him about every other day, go figure lol.

Life is tough, you have to be in control, not everyday will be great and some get down right tough, you need to really seek out what you want, try new things and be yourself.

My wife and I have no friends and we prefer it that way as I am very outspoken and piss people off really fast, but that's me and I like it that way.

I collect stamps, work on my ancestry and go for short walks in different places each day, going to look for volunteering for my wife and I next year, thinking about quitting job and doing some traveling locally and down south.

I also do a facebook page for the Nestle people who passed away as a remembrance to them called A forgotten time and place and one called Nestle Fulton Memories as well as Fulton Nestle Employees. They closed our plant down in 2003 and just removed all the buildings and replaced it with an Aldis.

Just keep busy everyday is a new day and full of opportunities, See what other people enjoy, do alot of web searches and just enjoy

Not all bad.
by: Margaret Johannesburg

Retirement is not a stopping - it's a new sort of starting, and we don't always know where to begin.

We made the decision to stop birthday presents except for the grandchildren, who need to learn to give as well as receive. What do you do with "stuff"?

I am grateful that my kids are too busy for much contact - Facebook keeps me up to date. there is nothing worse that 40-somethings lolling on your sofa glazed eyes watching TV and you having to put up with them. Or having a bad marriage break down and you land up bringing up the next generation because the single parent has to work. Not that we wouldn't help out, for sure, but you don't need to. you have brought up independent children. How lucky you are!

try finding something you always wanted to do but didn't have the time, or else do something ridiculous - learn Chinese or vegan cooking! nothing like a new experience to shed the mental rust!

Good luck - it's not over yet.

disallusioned
by: Natasha

Hi There,

Do gifts stand for love to you? If so, I understand why you would be upset. I have a different association, so I will share it here in the hopes it would help.

My goodness on the gifts. I never wanted to receive or give gifts myself. I was never good at it, and I have always struggled with clearing things out so receiving more stuff is sort of dreaded. I did, however, receive an i phone last year, which my sons forced on me. I was not gracious but now I love it. Also my daughter in law gave me a gardening shears I use it all the time.

This new gift policy will save you from giving gifts and then feeling that others are obligated to send thank you cards. They will not, trust me.

I have lived for several weeks at a time with one son, his girlfriend (but now wife), and my son's grandson. The life they live is without rest. Honestly, for the life of me, I would not want them to spend one minute looking for a gift for me.

For years I have told people I just want bubblebath from Walgreens. It truly is something I would like and use. It is funny, but people just don't get it. I think they would be embarrassed.

When my mom got old, my daughter in law thoughtfully got her stamps. She loved it.
Consider that young people don't use mail, and you see it was very thoughtful.

They are not selfish. They are overwhelmed.

My daughters in law would be terrified if I bought them clothing.

One of my sons lets me buy him specific socks.

It is sort of a joke, but he is really absent minded and it helps him to have lot of these black matching socks. It also helps his wife in an indirect way. His wife likes swiffer mopper refills and many identical rubbermaid containers. Why? They use this stuff. She lets people take things home in the rubbermaid containers. Because they are identical they stack in their limited kitchen storage.

I have told one friend "NO GIFTS". Gifts are everything to her, and she gets upset if she doesn't get thank yous, reciprocal gifts, etc. You are in good company in this respect.

Best to you
Natasha




You Are Not Alone
by: Fred From Florida

You are very brave and courageous but sadly this is not the world we grew up in were people were civil and polite. I don't say that in anger, just stating what I believe to be true.

I am recently retired and like you, found that people don't seem to want to connect. We are living longer than any generation yet we avoid each other. I have no idea why as I would think we would embrace and support each other.

So keep trying to connect as there are other folks exactly like you.

Times and Ideas Have Changed
by: Linda/Nevada

My daughter is 33 and lives in another state. Both of us have very small apartments and because of our age differences, we have different tastes in clothing.

Last year we decided to stop giving Christmas and birthday gifts. It was becoming stressful for both of us to try and figure out what to give each other. You can only give so many gift cards and household items are usually not practical because of our different tastes in decor.

Our decision to stop giving gifts has nothing to do with personal feelings. It is just a fact of life that our adult children live independent lives and they have their own financial responsibilities that sometimes can be burdened by having to buy gifts that may not be useful or wanted.

There are other ways to show your love for your family members that do not involve gift giving.

We have to remember that we do not have the right to impose our old beliefs on our children just because we don't want our feelings hurt.

Another Sign of the Times
by: John A. / Tyler, Tx

Based on past experience and seeing others go through the same thing, I feel what you are going through is a sign of the times. I don't think it is you.

Folks nowadays are wrapped up in themselves for whatever the reason. They doing seem to have socialization skills anymore.

Wish I had a better explanation.

disillusioned with life
by: Sherry

What does your daughter mean by, she doesn't want to hurt your feelings? Well, she did, but she was honest with you.

I would never buy her another thing to wear unless she went shopping with me. Invite her to go shopping with you! Just say I would like to spend time with you would you like to go shopping together? I used to take
my daughter shopping and she would pick out something she liked and I would buy it for her.

I don't know what happened to our relationship but I never hear from her anymore. I think it is best to stay to myself and mind my own business and don't ask any questions.

I have a son and we have a good, loving, and caring relationship. He is married and has 2 boys. I don't ask questions!

I cook for them sometimes and take care of the boys and their pets.

I think you are depressed about your knee, you have to have patience with your knee. The knee will get better and you will feel better and then get on with life!

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