Well, here we are a few days before Christmas. I can't get excited. What is wrong with me???
Last night I went with my husband to a nice Italian Restaurant and the whole time I was there I watched people around us. Friends, family, married couples and singles . . . they seem to be having a nice time, but I just didn't feel like I belonged there. My heart was far, far away.
Back to thinking about how nice Christmas was when I was a little girl. It's just not the same now. My family is very small and I am the only one that cooks. I will prepare Christmas dinner for my two grown children, one grandson and my husband. I have shopped for the food, I will prepare the food and then my daughter will help me get the dishes in the dishwasher. My daughter (42) doesn't cook. . . my daugher in law is a vegan (basically won't eat anything I make). I refused to make Thanksgiving this year and consequently, we didn't get together at all. I am cooking because I want us to be together.
Everyone else in our family has passed away. Cousins, siblings, aunts and uncles. . . you name it. I try so hard to make it through this time of year. It just hurts that things are like this. I have tried to get together with a few friends and they are sooo busy with their families. I guess I'm mentally ill. I feel like I'm the only person that feels like this.
I hope anybody that reads this is having a wonderful Christmas. . .I just want to wake up after the fact.