Delayed Reaction

As a writer leaving a full-time position (booted out the door with a group from my newly merged company) I just picked right up as a freelancer.

I knew I didn't want a full-time job in the corporate world. So between freelance and unemployment checks, I was rolling along merrily for at least a year. Even when the unemployment checks ended, I still had a small stream of freelance.

That's when I decided to apply for a fellowship non-profit. I had always harbored the idea that working for a non-profit would be extremely gratifying. After the 4-month fellowship/course, I realized that paid jobs were pretty much non-existent in the non-profit world for someone my age. And during my hiatus from paid freelance, most of my clients disappeared. So 2 years after my retirement, it all fell apart.

Nothing to do and all day to do it - unmotivated to volunteer - unmotivated to look for paid freelance. Just plain unmotivated. I guess it just finally sank in. Or I don't know what - but I lost interest in most of my activities.

I have sought out therapy and am seeing someone - going through the meds process which has helped a bit. But of course very few shrinks accept Medicare - so the cost is an issue.

This is a long-winded way of saying it did take a couple of years for retirement to sink in, and kind of sink me. I so envy other retired folks who seem to love it.

Maybe someday I will too.

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