Differences are too broad

by KatieKat
(Deep South)

I expected post-retirement to be able to travel and see the country. He just wants to piddle around our house and land, spending a lot of time on his own hobby of raising hunting dogs.

He says "he made all the money" and, therefore, decides how we will spend it.

I'm miserable and depressed.

He has an opinion about everything - I can't even remodel the house or rearrange the furniture. No, he doesn't help with housework. I'm to the point I would rather live in a tent in the woods than stay here any longer.

I think about suicide a lot. I just don't feel useful any more but I suffer from Socialized Anxiety and have difficulty joining groups.

Comments for Differences are too broad

Click here to add your own comments

Hang in There
by: Ken Midwest

Read your post and thought it was my wife writing about me. I do help with house work, but other than that I resemble the controlling behavior of your spouse. She simple ignores me and occupies her time with activities that keep her interest. I don't care to travel, however, when I do I'd be lost without her. Hopefully he shows he loves you in ways that give you some comfort. Good luck...hang in there. I feel you on social anxiety.

Selfish Husband
by: Anonymous

Did you work for free, or did you make some of that money? There are lots of travel groups for people just like you. Get a travel agent to help you find theses groups. Leave him home and get out and enjoy your life! Be brave!

NO, don't ever think about that
by: DaveinCalif

Katie,

NEVER suicide! PLEASE ... schedule a Chat with Wendy or talk with your doctor or any one of your neighbors or friends. Any other family members you can talk with.

PLEASE don't ever consider giving up the most precious gift we have, our lives. Things will get better.

Life
by: The Optimist/ Fulton NY

Life is too short to spend it on a person who does not appreciate you.

If you have a lot of suicidal feeling then you need to seek help. Its very hard to do anything in your condition if you just sit there and stew in it.

I don't like to give advise to a married person as I am not qualified to do that but you are just as important as him and need to look into financial conditions as what you are entitled too.

Time to push back but be very careful, life can be fun on your own once you discover yourself. This seems all one sided and tough if he made all the money, I think you will find out that don't mean jack, you shared his life and are entitled to it just as much as him.

Do you have family you could stay with for awhile in a safe location, don't want to scare you but I don't know nothing about your arrangement. There are people out there to help but its up to you to get the ball rolling. Get there input first, maybe someone can give you wise advice.

I once considered doing the same thing and sought help, I finally got turned around and have lived a very good life every since then. It took time and patience but I think time helps to heal all wounds as they say, it did for me.

But make sure you know what you are doing its tough if not impossible to turn the wheel back again if things don't work. I was at my final straw and was glad I did.

Good luck in your endeavor.

differences
by: Cindi H - NC

Marriage counseling? Just counseling for you. Many women find their husbands don't want to travel and it's ok for some - they find friends who like to travel and the husband is happy as long as he doesn't have to go.

However, if your husband is controlling and under the impression that all the money he made is his alone, this may not work.

I'm not an advocate of divorce, but I always said that if I got depressed to the point of thinking of killing myself (not the case at all in my marriage), I would simply walk away. Find a professional to talk to.

Life can be great. You don't have to live in a box.

Dfferences are too broad
by: Sherry/ NC

Please talk to your husband and tell him how you feel; just like you told us in your post.

I send you a hug!
by: We-Zer

KatieKat, Whoa girl! Nothing is worth suicide!

Time for you to go to your doctor for a physical check up and discuss this stuff. You may need to see a psychologist too. You are suffering and are feeling trapped. Nothing is worth hurting yourself for.

If your husband is controlling the marriage like a tyrant he needs help too. No one expects people you love to change so drastically but maybe he is suffering too from anxiety of retirement. Both of you need to find out what is going on.

Worst case, I would see a lawyer and find out how you can leave, maybe separate for a while so you can work things out. If it can't be worked out, maybe your salvation will be divorce.

I hope things work out for you. Just remember life is worth living.

response to differences too broad
by: Anonymous

hi, i just read your letter and my heart goes out to you.. but there IS GOOD NEWS..

assuming he is not a violent man.. i suggest you find a 12 step program, on co-dependency to join... OR a church group, something that is not threatening to him, that will allow you to build the "tools and skills" to communicate what your needs are and wants.. and then the skill of negotiating.

NONE of us get 100% of what we want.. but your inability to stand up to your husband makes me curious why you are not taking a firm stand..

depending on how long you have been married.. and your age.. medicare and social security and divorce is usually 50-50 $ so he can't really control all the money.. you need outside council..

another suggestion, is to find a non for profit clinic, or woman's shelter.. you could seek the advice and guidance from.. to go forward..

NO PERSON's actions, should cause you to want to take your own life.. THERE ARE SOLUTIONS.. if you are shy, find someone one on one to talk to.

Whoa
by: John A / Tyler, TX

Whoa! Put a brake on that line of thinking about suicide. First thing to do is get yourself some help to deal with the issues. Don’t worry about those other issues since you are far not important. Take care of yourself first...that is paramount.

In taking care of yourself, you will learn to deal with the other issues you mentioned with the right counseling.

No one or anything is worth taking your own life to escape misery.

Get help now
by: Dave

Hi , please get help now ,any thoughts of suicide are wrong. You need to 're evaluate your life .

Do not let anyone dictate what you do . Your husband may have made all the money ,but your life is a partnership and you have provided a lot to it be it making the home or working to provide food etc .

Be strong ,get help from any groups that will be able to advice you . But please ,please ,talk to someone about your feelings be it a professional person or friends or family.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Marriage in Retirement.....



Wendy's other site... because Aging Matters!