I have struggled with chronic depression all of my life. It began to affect my work and two years ago, I was told I was taking too long to be effective at work.
My superiors knew I struggled with depression and advised I go on disability or submit to an evaluation. My union leader also advised that I go on disability.
It has been a most difficult two years with trials of medications that don't work and anxiety settling in. I cannot go back to work unless I have a letter of health and my psychiatrist says my symptoms of depression as well as possible bipolar have not been in remission long enough for me to get a letter.
I really do not want to go back to work as I have lost all interest in my job. I am thankful that I am on indefinite disability which will turn into disability pension at some point.
I am fifty two now and this happened when I was 50. Everyday I wake up with dread and a feeling of purposelessness. I know part of it is the illness.
I have some hobbies, I take nature photographs, draw, paint, write, go for walks with my dog, visit friends and volunteer but none of these bring me joy.
I have to force myself to do these things and I feel they are purposeless.
I feel guilty that I am not working yet I know I am not well enough to work. Is there anyone that feels the same as I or has gone through this type of thing?