Do I have to go into assisted living

by Jennifer
(Houghton MI )

I am terribly worried. In the past few weeks, I have left the stove burner on twice, once causing the house to fill with smoke, setting off a fire alarm and almost causing a fire from overheated cooking oil. Several times I have left faucets running for hours.

My daughter thinks it's not safe for me to live by myself any longer. She wants me to move into assisted living.

That would kill me quickly. I couldn't live in a setting like that.

I am an independent loner who can't live around other people or being constantly monitored.

Also, I couldn't take my beloved cats, which is unthinkable to me.

I still work from home at an intellectually demanding job.

I don't belong on assisted living. What can I do?

Comments for Do I have to go into assisted living

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Assisted Living
by: Nancy

My sister almost died last year from health problems and after the hospital and rehab, she went to assisted living for a few months. Not a good experience because of bad management. It's probably not like that at all facilities.

She got better and bought a house and moved out on her own. All of this I know from long distance as I was unable to visit her.

Anyway, I just thought I would share my experience with assisted living.

stay home
by: Anonymous

just be more careful. everyone should be anyways. don't get forced into assisted living!!

Getting enough sleep and exercise?
by: Jane/Indiana

When my sister, age 65, who lives with several adult offspring and her husband, will do the same things you have when she is lacking sleep.

Also, how is your hearing? I wear hearing aids, and have learned to check carefully so I do not leave water running, because I cannot hear it.

When I am using the stove, I make sure I stay in the kitchen because even if I set a timer, I may not hear it.

Do a House Check
by: Jean/Wisconsin

I do a house check every few hours,and also a check before bedtime.

I also have an induction plate that has a timer on it and will turn off automatically. I rarely use my stove or oven anymore.

I also have a June oven. I love this oven. It automatically recognizes your food and bakes it accordingly. It also has an app that you can see your food cooking, turn off the oven or add more time. It will also let you know via the app when your food is done. It has so many helpful features to mention here. It is expensive but so worth it.

I use Alexa to set a reminder as well. She can remind you to check your faucets, stove etc.

I would not want to go to assisted living either. I would not want to be pressured into doing activities that I did not want to do. I enjoy my privacy. I wish you the best.

stove and water
by: Sue/ north carolina

I think that it is important to tackle one issue at a time.

Drink plenty of water to stay hydrated so your brain can work properly.

There is no reason to use a stove. Have it unplugged and use only a water heating kettle with an auto shut off, then a microwave for hot foods. Learn to eat cold or room temp foods, and whole foods. Then there is no fire risk and your daughter does not have to worry.

Do not multi-task. If you are using the tap, do not leave the sink to do other things. Water on, water off.

Find other self-care tips. Whether you stay or go, use your spiritual tools of serenity and acceptance to adapt. Work together with family to break the problem down into manageable bits.

Assisted Living
by: Mary Ellen

I’m also an introverted loner. I would never go into an assisted living situation willingly.

I don’t want to play BINGO, or eat with others, or be exposed daily to forced interactions with others.

As long as you understand the risks of living alone, and if you can make adjustments to your routine to keep you safe such as setting a timer whenever anything is on the stove, or water is running, etc. then I suggest you tell your daughter you’re not going anywhere.

There’s nothing I dread more than living with others, especially people I don’t know. If I was involuntarily placed in such a situation I would stop eating and drinking immediately until I was permitted to leave. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do as long as you can function independently.

From your writing it sounds like you have lapses in memory but are otherwise very functional at home. Stand your ground.

My Two Cents...
by: Wendy, Retirement Enthusiast/Coach


You can still work from home, still keep your door shut and live in your own world -- but others are nearby for when you need help. They will cook meals and clean for you. You can go down to get your meals and sit at the same table, with the same gals, and chat during your meal -- then back to your room if you wish, and silence. Play BINGO once a week, do your online work, and you still have LIFE but a slightly different one.

Yes, you are less independent but you can still do what you want to doing your own safe, secure space.

I know Assisted Living gets a bad rap. Nobody wants to live in a controlled environment... but you seriously could have died of smoke inhalation (your cats too) or have been burned to death. I don't want that for you... but I can't imagine you want to be in danger like this.

I also have to say -- as I wrote about weeks ago -- being totally alone with nobody to speak to is so bad for our mental awareness. You lose the ability to find the words you want (we all do) and speak normally... mostly because you aren't using your speech daily. Use it or Lose it applies here, in your mental capacities, as much as in your physical abilities.

Go visit one. You don't have to move just yet. Just visit, look into the rooms, the community rooms (arts and crafts, exercise, dining rooms). Check it out and sleep on it...

Sending prayers!

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