Empty Feelings

(Illinois )

I am not liking this retirement lifestyle!

I lost my job to a company buyout and was home for a year before my husband retired. Since being at home, I feel like my life has no meaning.

My husband rides his bike on country roads three days a week, but I don't share the same interest. When he is done riding he might wash the cars, and then the rest of the day is sitting in front of the tv.

I have suggested we get into some type of hobby with other couples, and it seems to fall on deaf ears!

With the economy being what it is in today's world, there isn't always the "extra" spending money one would wish for.

I feel like I live all by myself, without a spouse that listens or cares about communication and is okay with doing the same thing everyday. Everything has diminished between us, and he doesn't seem to understand why I feel the way I do.

I have always been creative, and not one for sitting around with nothing to do.

As time has gone by the lack of sexual interest has gone away, and so have my feelings for this person I used to enjoy being around. There is always a reason, (in his mind) that we can't do things.

I am bitter and bored, and retirement has a lot to be desired!

Comments for Empty Feelings

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by: Sheila White Cambridge Ontario Canada

Lots and lots of good ideas here, so why not follow them? We were put on this earth to help each other. The Bible says so. It stands to sense that if we worry about ourselves -- our health, our welfare, our loneliness, our inability to get along with others -- there is a reason. And where there is a reason, there is a solution.

Look OUTward, not INward. Go to your nearest Volunteer association. Knock on your neighbour's door. Ask at your local hospital. Discuss how you feel with your doctor.

ABOVE ALL stop talking or writing about how miserable you are. If you say you're unhappy, you will stay unhappy. The Universe hears you and decides to help you stay that way.

A thousand or more books have been written on that very subject. Go to your library and read one or two. It will change your life, believe me!

Need Suggestions for Couple's Activities
by: J

I'm retired, spouse is not. He has no suggestions for activities we can do together, health issues, naps often in afternoons and on weekends. Very shy, too.

We have one set of couple friends but she is fighting cancer, so not much ability to socialize. Weekends are too, too boring, evenings almost as much. Not church people.

Any suggestions? Tired of being so sad and bored.

Empty Feelings
by: Anonymous

My husband would say that if you start doing things alone, it is the beginning of the end for the relationship. I am bored as well. I work one day/week. It is not enough.

Be Strong Do The Same
by: Joe W.

You mention that you are or want to be creative. Maybe, just startup a new project independently. If that works startup a second project, and then see what affect this has on your husband. He will probably give you more respect and then you can maybe do a project together.

Joe W.

Empty Feelings continued
by: Nancy

Anyway, that is the challenge in my marriage which I brought up in the hopes it will help you to know there is someone there with challenges as well.

My husband is very kind and does not expect me to do the yard work. What helped me with retirement and my relationship with my husband is that I carved out a space in our small house where I can sew and get on the computer. I can go out to the sunporch and work on my hobbies when I need some alone time.

Everyone said, "get a part-time job", "volunteer". I just had to find my way myself.

I send you my support and my well-wishes. You will find your way!

Empty Feelings
by: Nancy

Retirement was a challenge for me, too. I feel your pain. I felt empty and depressed the first year. I've been retired for almost 3 years. I still long for the structure of going to work, but I know I no longer have the stamina.

What has saved me was a hobby which is quilting. I remember times in my life many years ago, when I was depressed, and sewing was my lifeline.

My husband is retired as well, we have a huge yard, plus a farm. I moved into this house when we got married, in other words, I didn't have a hand in the decision to buy this house. If the yard work were up to me, I would have a much smaller yard. I used to feel guilty about doing my own thing, while he is busy mowing. That is the challenge in our marriage, but I realize now

Love have friends
by: Margo

I love making flower Friendship pens would love to meet alot of friends

Do you like any of these ideas?
by: Jan

I've found it very fulfilling to volunteer at my local Food Bank. I've made some good friends there with the other volunteers. Is there a woman & children's shelter or feeding program you could volunteer with? Or how about helping out at the local VBS program your church or neighboring churches are having?

Do you have a senior center nearby? I really enjoy many of the activities at my local senior center and the activities are usually quite inexpensive (I play Scrabble on Friday afternoons and that's only 50 cents for the afternoon)

I hope you can find a way to be happy with activities of your own :)

by: Gail

Dear One,

Please get screened for depression - it's common in our age group and often a big factor in continuing disappointment with our lives and loved ones.

That said, there is no reason you have to wait for your spouse to do things you might enjoy. Join some groups, community service or volunteering, pick up a forgotten hobby or interest, learn a new language or take a class at the local community college.

You need to get out, meet people and start 'circulating' again. Retirement is a big life changing event and needs some adjusting to - just like marriage, divorce or a new baby.

I have been where you are and after two years am beginning to 'find my feet' again. Good luck!

Turn it around
by: Anonymous

There is always volunteer work. Getting out of the house, even if only for a few hours can give you purpose and structure and a more positive outlook instead of feeling hopeless. Don't feel sorry for yourself, do something. Part-time work is another option. Good luck and be strong.

Be creative!
by: Anonymous

You say you have always been creative, so this is the time to use that talent. And as your husband does his 'own thing', so you should do yours.

It's not unusual for a couple to find in retirement that they have little in common anymore. But it's also a wonderful opportunity to branch out on your own. When he finds you don't need him as much as you used to, it will open his eyes and give him the jolt that he needs.

Do NOT consider divorce or separation until you've tried being more independent. This could be the beginning of a new relationship from which both of you will benefit.

Empty feelings
by: Susan Whittenham

Perhaps you could consider getting a pet for company - i.e. a dog to take for walks? That's a marvellous way to socialise with new people because dog-walkers always stop to chat to one another about their dogs.

If all else fails, have a serious heart-to-heart discussion with your husband to find out what you both really and truly want out of life. If you truly can't find anything that you have in common any more as regards plans or hopes for the future then you might have to consider separation and going you own separate ways in life :( .

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