Everyone died and then I retired!

by Jim Rafferty
(Pittsburgh, PA)

Hi. My name is Jim. I'm now 59. I had a great career for 16 years and everything was great. I came from a close family and was living with my fiance.

In 1998 my father passed away. Two years later, my mother passed away from alzheimers. My two sisters created turmoil over a will that my father painstakingly created to ensure that the inheritance was equally divided. Needless to say, the family fell apart. Two years later, my fiance two days of becoming 51, died of an aneurism.

Prior to the passing of my fiance, I put in for retirement to spend more free time with her. Now I have all the free time in the world lying on the couch doing nothing but watching TV.

I feel as though I no longer have a purpose and am extremely lonely. I have two dogs who are also depressed sleeping 18 hours a day instead of running in the park with the other dogs. There are times I don't leave the house for weeks except for food and doctor's appointments.

I have many hobbies like playing guitar, writing music, and photography. I haven't picked up the guitar or my camera in over nine months.

I'm on a dating site and have chatted with some nice women, however, my depression keeps me from meeting them. Who wants to be with a "downer."


Comments for Everyone died and then I retired!

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I'm so sorry for your loss Donna
by: Linda

I am very sorry for your loss Donna -- its not easy and with your move and all -- wishing you all of the best and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers -- If I can help you or anyone please don't hesitate -- wishing all a RAINBOW DAY --XXX

Hi Jim...
by: Anonymous

Hi Jim, boy, I'm so sorry for all the losses you've gone thru, I have recently lost both my parents too.

In reading the comments to your note it sounds like you have lots of support, and I think that is the most important thing.

I have just recently retired and relocated, and I'm feeling miserable, I don't know anyone and all my old friends are still focused on their jobs. Please take the time to reach out.... my email is djhazlitt at hotmail.com and I would love to hear from you.



You don't have to climb Everest in a day!!!
by: Lynda

Hi Jim:

There are times when things look insurmountable when you consider the whole picture. Instead, set one small task or outing a day bite by bite you will be on the path to recover !!!

One phone call, one coffee, before you know it life begins to feel more positive and worthwhile. Like the little snowball rolling down the hill, you gather momentum and the confidence that life can be richer.

Thinking of you!!!

Wendy Great advice, Lynda! "How do you eat an elephant?" One bite at a time!!

by: Donna

Hi Jim,

I'm so sorry for all your loss. You've lost so much. Are you on antidepressant meds? It really sounds like you should be. And in some kind of therapy. It can help... not instant fixes, but it can help.

I understand depression and it is a catch 22. What makes you feel better, you don't have the energy to do.

Break it down into something really small. Go take the dogs for a walk for 20 steps. Really break it down into some small bits. Go to the dog park for 5 minutes.

Find a support grief and loss support group. Much empathy from here...


Wendy Like Lynda, great advice.. small steps, little baby bites... and you'll get somewhere!

You have to get going
by: Linda

Hello --

So very sorry for your loss -- but you are a young guy -- so get out there get those dog's and you moving -- you can do this -- sending thoughts and blessing's your way --- need to talk I'm here - you go out there and have a rainbow day. XX

it will all get better
by: Brenda

Jim. Yes these things do happen, some are hit mostly, and we all feel the same. i lost everything, nearly my sanity, but here i am writing to you.

people say time is a great healer, i don't agree, i say time is a reminder, and even that gets better. You will meet someone nice just wait and see, but the thing is don't give up.

You can write to me if you like, but I am much older than you, so what is age. What music do you play??? and what are your sports? Do you have children? although they don't always help. Catch 22, Oh your not kidding.

Take care. Brenda. xxxx

Lots to live for
by: Anonymous

Jim, I am so sorry for your loss. BUT WE ALL HAVE BEEN THERE AND GONE THRU LOSSES LIKE YOU ARE GOING THRU... there is a lot to live for JIm.. So much you could've doing for you and others.
I think you need to talk with a counselor and get your head cleared out. Then go and volunteer at a place where you Can help others.. Maybe an Alz Group ???

You will benefit so much from helping others that your problems will not seem so bad.


I care about you. I want you to be happy.
You are very young still. You have a long life ahead of you.

I can be reached at vfrench at san.rr.com


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