Fear is the Enemy!

by Alison Gendron
(Ontario, Canada)

Retired after 35 years as a Correctional Officer, in the Canadian prison system. 56 years old. I had absolutely no hesitation in retiring from such a dreadful, negative environment.

Shortly before retirement a life altering (not medical) event took place in my life. A very serious, emotional experience involving my family whom I have always been so close to. This has now been going on for 7 months...

People I trusted my life with...who, I feel betrayed me...
Very difficult to deal with..

My Mom..who, at 56, exhibited the signs and symptoms of Alzheimer Disease, eventually died of the disease at 70. She, too..had experienced a very emotional, life altering event(s).

I often wonder if this disease just looks for vulnerability...and I fear it all the time..I hate feeling this way...but often wonder...if each of us have a "breaking" point.

I truly do not want to sound negative...but this is a reality, and real fear...for me...

Comments for Fear is the Enemy!

Click here to add your own comments

Fear is the Enemy
by: Anonymous

I cannot begin to imagine what you had to deal with as a Correctional Officer. But I can understand to some degree your feelings about your family.

I am still dealing with family issues from my past and although I know I need to let go and move on it's tough right now because of my depression. I am glad you were able to reconcile with your sisters.

I have a sister and brother and we all live in the same general area but I have not spoken to either one of them in some years.

I have my brother friended on my facebook page but that's the only contact we have. As far as my sister is concerned I have no clue about what's going on in her life. It is so sad when families are torn apart because of emotional issues, misunderstandings and so on. I have been thinking about both of them lately and would dearly love to reconnect but am not sure of where to begin.

Please do get some help. I know I am going to because if we let this stuff eat at us we cannot live the life we want or just be happy with what we have.
Thank You Wendy...
by: Alison Gendron

I'm sitting reading your response with tears in my eyes....Thank You....

At times like this..feeling the way that I do..I would have gone to my older sister, Cheryl. She and I are semi-estranged... something I would never would have dreamt in a million years..

The fact that I'm sitting here, crying over a stranger caring...gives me some hope that the world is more good, than bad..
TALK THERAPY
by: Loyce!

Start with talk therapy with good friends/fam and then move on to a professional who can help you help yourself move to higher ground.
Jobs behind bars
by: Nancy

I worked in the prison system, in different jobs, for 20 years. Each population I worked with was quite different from the others.

In my first job, I worked with some inmates that had some really scummy crimes. I was never a correctional officer, but I know what you mean about the negative environment.

I, too, was betrayed by my biological family. This situation has not been completely resolved, but I have reestablished contact with my sisters.

I wish you all the best. As Wendy said, maybe counseling or talking to someone would help. I got counseling to help me with the situation with my family. Although I am not a very good therapy client, because I don't like to talk about myself, this counseling did help me.

Also, support groups online and in person.

I joined Al-Anon to deal with my sister's addiction, and Al-Anon really helps you focus on yourself and help yourself. I'm not advocating Al-Anon, just some ideas of things that helped me.
Fear is the opposite of trust
by: Elna Nugent

Alison: What an amazing person you are to have endured and persisted through a demanding, harrowing workplace and people who have somehow been taken from you.

It's your turn now to create the life you have always dreamed of. What did you look up to and dream of becoming when you were in your pre-teen years. Seriously. What were your dreams. Don't dismiss them. They lie back on the shelf of your childhood.

Up to this point you have more than paid your dues. Time to get to know again the person, the true essential self that you are.

If you try writing in a notebook each night before you go to bed. your thoughts, wishes, and dreams you may be amazed at what eventually happens.

It sound simplistic but "The thoughts we stay our minds on each day eventually become our realities. Our thoughts move out to our electrical force field that surrounds us and are then fed back to us.

Feed yourself what you may think are impossible dreams. You deserve them. Keep in touch. Blessings.
Please seek help....
by: Wendy

It really sounds like you need some help.

First, you spent many years in a negative prison environment. I've had retiring cops tell me that they have to remember that there are good people in this world, after working with prisoners for years. You have to remember that too... not everyone is bad, not everyone is after you, even your family.

Second, You may or may not get close to family again, or you might surprise yourself and find total peace with them -- that remains to be seen.

Right now you need help for YOU...

FEAR can be resolved, and worry only serves to make you physically ill in time... it can't help the situation and it can't help life get better either.

I really pray you seek help from a professional... if you meet with one and you don't like them, try again. FInd someone you trust, clergy from a local church, a therapist, someone... and talk.

Someone will help you turn this around, please don't live your life out this way.

Please... there is still so much more life to live!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Anxiety and Depression.