Fear of effect on marriage

by Jeff/Miami

I retire in four months. The closer I get to the day, which I have looked forward to a long time, the more anxious I am getting about how this will affect my marriage.

My husband won't retire for another 7-9 years, and I fear my new freedom in retirement will somehow lead us apart.

Maybe it's just an aspect of my anticipatory grief (about retirement, aging parents, my aging self), but this particular worry has caught me by surprise and is especially concerning.

Is this a normal part of this process? Has anyone out there experienced this? If so, how have you overcome it?

Comments for Fear of effect on marriage

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by: mary Fla

My husband and I both retired early together. It was good for me, but not so much for him.

He had no hobbies other than the yard and no real friends. But mostly, he lost his sense of purpose and his ego had been wrapped up in his career. He slowly became depressed and this usually shows up in men as becoming critical, irritable and frustration.

It eventually affected his health and our marriage. I got tired of the mental abuse and controlling behavior.

He did pass away 5 years ago and while I miss him and miss being married, I am free now to do as I please with no concern for criticism or compromise. I get lonely, but stay busy, have friends, but I feel like I'm finally free to be me.

I would suggest you both having hobbies and somewhat separate activities and separate lives. Don't let dull routine become the norm.

by: Anonymous

My husband retired 10 years before I did. I had a bit of adjustment to his retirement at first, but not too bad. I looked forward to going places with him when I retired.

Before I retired he helped me with stuff like talking care of the dogs feeding them, taking my car in for service.

When I retired, none of my problems like grief over retirement had anything to do with him. And we get along pretty well being together 24/7. Our marriage has gotten stronger.

How it was/is for me
by: Anonymous

Every one is different and every marriage too. I retired a couple of years before my husband and it was fine until he retired.

Both being home most of the time and all that togetherness has been very bad for our marriage.

So if you were like me you'd be fine for the next 7 years to whenever he retired.

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