Getting out of a black hole?
by David
(Utah)
I'm 67, been retired now for 18 months, and like so many, dealing with boredom, depression, apathy, and lack of joy and motivation.
For the first 15 months, I was motivated by the goal of doing a 7 day, 500 mile bike ride with my 3 sons. I made losing weight and spending hours on my bike my focus for over a year. It was something I wanted to do my whole life, and for once, I had the time to spend getting ready. I even had a heart attack in the process.
But I was pleased to be able to overcome many painful hours, and accomplish that goal this past summer. It's a memory I'll hold dear for the rest of my life, spending that time with my sons.
As long as I had that goal, I wasn't totally lost. But since that week, my life has been nothing but a big black hole.
I find it hard to get out of bed. I've gained 35 pounds. My blood sugar is high again. I can't get off the couch. Watching the news all day. Starting books and not finishing them. Absolutely no motivation. Things to do, but not doing them. No control to my eating, and no exercise. I've gone through 4 months of this. I'm ashamed and extremely disappointed with myself.
The drive, ownership, responsibility and motivation that I put into, and made me successful in my work for 40 years, now has no place to go. Like so many, my work was my life. But I don't miss work - it makes me sick to think about being tied to a schedule.
About 5 years ago, my work took us across the country from our friends, kids and grandkids and other family , and as an introvert, I haven't really made close friends here.
I'm struggling with making sense of it, taking it one day at a time, trying to do ONE thing each day - either a chore at home, a short walk, a short bike ride. I just asked for anti-depression medication, and hope it helps.
I've made an appointment with a therapist. I just started volunteering at the hospital in our nearest town once a week for 3 hours (we live fairly isolated on a mountain with snow 6 months a year).
I'm sensing a small glimmer of improvement, but it's still hard to find motivation.
I never expected retirement to be like this. Just saying. To all others who have had this problem, you're not alone.
One day at a time.
