How Do I Get Over this Loss?

by June G
(Georgia)

For the most part, I am happy with retirement. My partner and I were in the same grades in high school and actually got together 40 years later.
When you are our age the togetherness is caring helping sharing bills and companionship.

The hardest thing for me is growing older and losing loved ones. My younger sister passed away in December after an arduous battle with cancer. Having a real hard time with her death. She was my best friend and I was closest to her throughout my life. Now she is not here. I can’t call her or talk to her or see her or laugh with her. She is just gone.

How does one come to terms with this loss?
How does one stop thinking, “it should have been me.”

I am a person of faith and hang on to that but it is really tough.

Enjoy your blog and look forward to reading all input. June

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by: Michael - Warm and Sunny Venice Florida

June - I am sorry to hear of your sister's passing.

There is an unspoken agreement that comes with relationships - "one of us will go first."

God took your sister home first. It is up to God - we can't make the decision for him. Take comfort in knowing that you will see your sister again. She would want you to remember her through the laughter and good times that you shared.

I am sure that your love and friendship was a great comfort to her throughout her life, and especially during the most difficult times of her illness.

Your loss is new. It might help to share your feelings with a grief counselor, grief support group, or minister.

Loss
by: Anonymous

Time dulls the pain. I try to focus on the happy memories to turn grief aside. I try to express (mentally) gratitude for the fact that they were in my life and left me the memories they did. I keep a journal and fill it with good memories.

You are important to others just as she was to you. Your life matters cherish it.

Cling to Him
by: Tom PA

We have only to cling to God for support. The loss is real and painful. Our only hope is that we will be together again with Him by our sides. There is no easy solution to the pain - pray constantly for strength.

The pain will lessen over time but the loss will always be there. Death is not the end but only the beginning.

I am sorry for your great loss,
Tom

No replacement for old BFF
by: Pam/CT

June, I understand your sadness. It's so hard.

Since then, with lots of help from bereavement groups and a counselor, I have learned a few things. Nothing takes away the pain, but you can get help carrying on.

Here's what I learned:

Grief is the other side of love, like 2 sides of your hand.

It's ok to cry.

Don't expect to"get over it". Your love for her won't end with her death and your grief goes hand in hand with it. We carry them both as we carry our memories.

If you have spiritual beliefs, they may help you.
Don't try to compare your loss to someone else's. They are all different and all valid.

Be gentle and kind with yourself.

If you can't sleep or eat, consider seeing your doctor.

If you can, get outdoors for some nature exposure and exercise if you can. (Also helps with sleep.)
Seek out a bereavement group. Hospices, hospitals, and funeral homes offer them and the ones I found are free and also offer individual help.

The group helped me a lot.

In November I lost my best friend whom I met 50 years ago when we were 19 years old. Like you, there's a gaping hole in my life. She lived less than 6 weeks after diagnosis and her brain wasn't working well so we never had opportunity for a satisfying conversation, although she had less suffering.

Because I fell into depression 6 months after my mother died,when my buddy was first diagnosed with a lethal brain tumor, I set out with a
vengeance to find support for myself to see me through. It wasn't easy, but I found that the local hospice and hospital both offer bereavement groups. They are generous with their services even though my friend was in another state. There's more, too, but this is getting long.

It really helped me, I still cry, certain times of day are worse than others, but I'm going on with my diminished life, still looking for beauty in the world. (Last week for 10 seconds I felt actually happy for the first time since her diagnosis. I hope it comes again!)

I hope this helps you!

Remember,you are not alone.

I really recommend finding a group. Some meet online, too.

I hope you feel better!