How Quickly Life Can Change!
by Rose R
Wow, December began a journey these past several months that has not been a whole lot of fun, however, it certainly has caused me to appreciate and hope for my return to the state of health I have enjoyed for the past 73 years and probably took too much for granted.
On December 6th, as was walking into my front door, all of a sudden I was flying through the air and landed with a thud in my entry way. As I tried to regain my breathing and feared I might not get off the floor, I sat there fearful I possibly broke something. Finally, I crawled over to my sofa and was able to get up and realized my right wrist was swelling fast and I could not use it, and my back felt like someone had ripped me in two. As I am rather stubborn and often convince myself with some rest I will be okay. I put ice on my wrist and took some Tylenol and waited through the day and night, just knowing when I woke things would be okay.
Well, how wrong I was, as it turned out I broke my wrist, and later after several weeks of pain discovered I also broke a vertebra in my lower back. The back proved to be my biggest challenge and took the longest for me to recover from as it only complicated my already severe DJD that has caused scoliosis of my spine and through this also discovered that if I want to continue to walk I am facing bilateral hip replacements. Wow, not exactly how I planned to ring in 2017.
Oh, but it gets even better. By February leaving my home especially after eating was risky business if you know what I mean. One trip to the grocery store found me in the most embarrassing situation ever in my life. Without going into gruesome detail, let's just say a pair of underwear was left permanently in a trash can in the women's restroom at that store. And it was several weeks before I wanted to return again, just knowing everyone knew those were mine, LOL
This situation continued to worsen until I was so homebound and had not been able to walk like I usually do for a couple of months due to my fractured back and now this, growing weak and depressed.
Well, on a visit to my doctor, which was becoming the way to regular given that up until my fall most of my adult life I saw a doctor once a year, now it was my only recreation it seems.
Now, they find blood in my stool and urine, so first I go to the urologist as this was a major concern since my mother died from bladder cancer. Well, after the not so pleasant cystoscope happily we discovered no problem there. However, the stomach pain and bowel issues continue. So next I am scheduled for a colonoscopy, oh joy had my usual one just 3 years ago and now another. It made me remember Irwin's funny article on his journey in this direction. Well, before I could get to that appointment. 3 weeks ago I began full blown bleeding all day from the orifice that should not have blood coming out of it. So that afternoon my neighbors drove me to the ER at the insistence of my GI doctor. We spent the next 6 hours sitting in the waiting area to be seen, as of course it was a Friday night and was packed with people needing assistance, and some I am not sure did but perhaps was bored. Anyway by 9 PM they call me back and the doctor took the history and indicated I probably would not be going home. Thank goodness I left a key under my mat so my neighbor could walk my dog and provide what care may be needed.
As my son, being his 40th birthday and even though he had to take my car as I was on the way to the hospital and his truck broke down, could not be bothered to come and sit with me and let my 86 year old neighbors go home, because to be exact when I asked d him his reply was "No it is my birthday andI am about to get drunk". Well, at that moment on top of being somewhat scared that I didn't know why I am bleeding and what is going on, I also discovered my life means nothing to this son, and probably never has except for what he might gain from me. So on top of fear now I am devastated realizing how used and thrown away I have just been done by the son I spent most of my life focusing on being there for him in every way possible, oh no doubt not perfectly, but just 4 weeks prior to my event drove him at 4 AM to the surgery center for his foot surgery and helped in every way possible while he recovered. Oh well, that is another story and one I should have recognized and stopped long ago, but my love for my granddaughter kept having me believe one day he would realize how selfish he has become. But instead he has now sworn I will never see him or her again. As when I got home and realize how he just uses me, I told him to bring my car back and his anger was unbelievable. But it is what it is and I just pray one day he realizes what he is doing to his own life with his anger, and mean spirit.
Oh well, back to the ER, forgive me for the detour as the pain is still there in my heart, but God is helping me cope with it. My granddaughter and I have shared such a bond for 8 years and no doubt her confusion and hurt over this is much worse than mine.And that makes me sad.
Well, by 11 PM I am waiting for them to take me for a CT scan and since the doctor said I probably would not be going home I insisted my neighbors go home. And bless their hearts they didn't want to leave me and she had tears when she did but they did go home as both had not eaten and needed to take their own medication. Well, they left, and I had my CT, which showed I had a thickened area in my lower colon and it was infected, diverticulosis and said I could go home on ABO's but needed the colonoscopy as soon as possible.
So, this past Thursday this was done, and truly not bad as the hospital staff was great and my GI doctor has you put to sleep and next thing I knew I was awake and it was over. The prep, of course, is the worst part and this one was far worse than I ever remember in years past. I was up most all night and took 3 showers, and washed 3 loads of PJ's including in one load my shower curtain and I won't go into detail more.
Well, this showed I had 3 large polyps he removed and sent to pathology and the area of infection after being on the ABO's for 6 days by this time was cleared up and he excised some scar tissue.
Oh I forgot in our quest to find out where my pain and bleeding was coming from I first had an EGD which I have never had and thank goodness that too he had me sleeping through and all that was found there was that I had acid reflux and what they call a Shatsky ring that he dilated so I would not have that feeling of having food stuck at times.
Now, I came home from the colonoscopy and by the next day felt relieved and getting my energy back. And while I had prayed that I would lose 30#'s this summer did not want to do it this way, but now that I have lost 10 of it in just a little over a week vowed to keep going. I was back taking my long walks 2X a day with my dog and felt wonderful.
Well, that lasted just a couple days and the bleeding is back, not as bad as the night I went to ER but still there. So now he is in the process of scheduling me for a capsule EGD where I swallow a pill with a camera in it and it will take thousands of pictures of my small intestine as it moves through my GI tract. And as I am writing this the nurse just called to tell me my polyps that were removed were adenomas that can become cancerous so now recommended I have another colonoscopy in 5 years.
So, now back to waiting for the scheduled capsule EGD. which they are just waiting for my insurance to approve and schedule. So needless to say if you have bothered to read my journey I am still on a journey praying for the return to good health and more aware than ever before how important this is to our quality of life. And have found how quickly it can change from one day you are feeling great to the next day you start a journey for months of tests, and issues that find you wondering if you are being scheduled for the next trip to God and heaven.
I pray I will soon be back to good health and energy and more thankful than ever before for each good day. While I am so hurt over my son's actions, yet as most of my life am so thankful God has always placed me where I have good neighbors and friends who in times of need are there as I try to be for them as well.
I am thankful for each day God gives me and pray that this too will pass and yet this journey has convinced me of one important thing, it is my time, and God willing I am going to focus on making the most of my remaining years by doing things for me rather than spend all my energy and effort toward those who have shown too many times that my life only matters for what they can get from me without any thought to what my needs are and lovingly be there for them. My granddaughter would in a minute if she could, but her parents are controlling this and sadly no doubt she is very confused and hurt wondering where her Nana is. I pray one day God will redirect them toward knowing selfishness returns a bitter root.
Well, if anyone reads this, thank you just know I shared it for the main purpose of saying let's be grateful for each good day as one never knows when that can change beginning with a fall.
I am ever so grateful that God has always provided people in my life that have shown me love and been there for me when I needed emotional loving support and that I am most grateful for.
One day I pray my son learns that selfishness reaps a bitter return.