I don't know how to feel...

by June

I try to stay upbeat and am basically a very happy person but don’t know how to go forward with the pain I am feeling now.

My younger sister, my best friend, my touch stone is dying. She has stomach cancer and has fought a courageous battle for over two years. Today found out the cancer is now in her brain.

I don’t know how to feel. Don’t know how to act. Tried to cry but can’t.

She was so excited to retire but when I think back she was showing the first signs of this monstrous disease then. She got married. They bought a beach condo. Then the illness reared its ugly head.

Now all is on hold with treatments and one side effect after another and then this. The final stages I guess.

So I don’t know how to feel or how to act or try to cry or just stay stunned. Just don’t know.

Comments for I don't know how to feel...

Click here to add your own comments

Sending you a massive virtual hug
by: Seakite U.K.

I'm so sorry that you and your sister have to go through this horrible experience.

My story is the same as yours albeit my sister was a couple of years older than me and she missed her retirement by 6 months. She died two months ago after a long battle with the disease.

I was with her in her last months and at times I felt numb. I think the numbness not only comes out of shock, and it is one of the stages of grief but it is also natures way of keeping oneself together so that you can continue to function and lovingly support.

I totally concur with Leaking Ink/MA comments and advice.

Be kind to yourself and know that
all pain passes. xxxx
You and Your Sister
by: Leaking Ink/MA

August 6, 2021

I am so sorry that you are going through such a traumatic experience. Feeling numb can be a temporary reprieve when you’re grieving and trying to deal with suffering, pain, and loss. The tears will come sooner or later.

Right now, you may be afraid that once you start crying, you’ll never stop, or that you’ll end up in an ugly place, or simply that you want to be strong for your sister.

From my own personal experience with the pain of Pancreatic Cancer, I can tell you that I know your sister finds comfort by the simple fact you are there with her. There are not many people who would be willing to endure just being there with someone while they are writhing in pain. It takes love, and it takes a very special person who can do that. You are that person. I thank you for it.

It is so very important for you to take time to rest and be gentle and kind to yourself. Just try to get through one day at a time.

My thoughts are with you at this very difficult time.
Illness and Shock
by: Sherry/ NC

Really, you are in shock and this is why you don't know how to react.

She is a person whom you are close to, emotionally and lovingly.
It is so difficult for you, her and spouse.

If you believe in God he will take care of you all!

Bless her heart and yours too.
Be there for your sister and take care of yourself
by: Michael - Upstate NY for the summer!

June,

There are two things that you MUST do now. First, be there for your sister. Let her know that you are there for her. Spend time with her. IF she is not in the same city and you cannot visit regularly, call her. If there is anything that needs to be said, say it now.

Secondly, make sure that you take care of yourself. Eat properly. Take walks. Get rest. Do things that you enjoy to take your mind off things.

If you have other family members or friends that can support you, reach out to them.

Maintaining a routine and a sense of normalcy can go a long way in easing stress in uncertain times.
Similar Situation
by: Kare

My sister just recently found out that she has reproductive cancer so I know how you feel. She’s been divorced twice many years ago and has no children.

A very close male friend died last year from Covid, but the underlying issue was really kidney disease and diabetes.

I’m basically the only close relative she has though she does have some good friends.

She’s on her 3rd round of chemo, then a scan to see if the chemo has helped and then probably surgery. She’s got a long road ahead of her.

She’s only been retired for two years. I’m trying to remain hopeful and I know that they have made great strides.

It doesn’t seem possible that we are facing the downward side of our lives already.

I need to appreciate every day and make the most of it. It’s something that I believe, but don’t always practice.
sister
by: Anonymous

Hi. I just helped a friend through this, for 1 3/4 years with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

We developed over time into this: when I would arrive, I would ask for her list of what she would like me to do for her or the house, then ask what she would like to do, should we walk, or watch tv, basically. Also, she enjoyed going over pictures with me.

On my way there, I would call her and asked what she would like me to pick up at some nearby store.

She would complain to me about difficult relationships, and visa versa. Sometimes we prayed together and she would be very specific about what she wanted "God's will". She did not want prayers to heal her, she wanted "God's will". I always agreed with her.

My purpose in going there was to make her happy. I had no other chores to do etc. When it was her shower time, I would find music she liked and play it. I also played my favorite song. Of course I helped clean her up, following EXACTLY how she wanted it done. (And why not).

Imagine having someone come to your house 4 days a week because with the goal of making you happy. I was not paid, just a neighbor filling in when the relative who lived with her was at work.

You have been doing it, so just continue. Feelings - love. I miss her terribly.
Sorry
by: Sandy

I am sorry to hear of your sister's cancer. MY you find the strength to be with her as she continues to fight.

Take care of yourself too. So very sorry.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Write Your Own Story Here (others can provide feedback).