I FEEL OLD, YOUNG....
by Linda C.
(Annapolis, MD, USA)
I feel OLD every day when I get out of bed and my feet immediately hurt from my plantar fasciitis and the consequential fibrous 'nodules' on the soles.
I feel OLD as my vertebrae shift, trying to realign - vertical once again after an approximate seven-hours in bed.
I feel OLD when just showering, dressing, and drying my hair leaves me out of breath and then when my knees fight bending as I start down the stairs to let my dog out.
I feel OLD when my legs don't seem to move as fast as I tell them to...across parking lots or to keep up with my husband or friends on 'outings'. I used to be such a fast walker, grinning as I left my companions in the dust!
I walked everywhere for most of my life: to and from my jobs; grocery shopping, for miles to the local library, etc., as I didn't attempt a driver's license until age 39!
Before I retired, one of my listed plans was to take up 'hiking' as I love the outdoors and woods and wildlife...Oh well.
I feel OLD when someone calls me "Ma'm"! Or a young person opens a door for me or lets me move up in a line - their expression/smile, almost 'too kind' as if "Awwww... I'm gonna be nice to this old lady."
Don't get me wrong - I appreciate the kindness, but.
I feel OLD when I catch myself criticizing the 'younger generation' too often!
I feel OLD (and a bit guilty) most nights as I eagerly build my mountain of pillows and settle into them, a blissful moan escaping me as I turn my Kindle on to a current read. Seems so long ago that 'going to bed' meant setting the scene for lovemaking! I DO love my husband but.
I feel OLD when I look down at my hands -- slim tapered fingers, smooth clear skin no more! They are my mother's hands...No. They are my Nana's hands of long ago - freckled and patchy - digits turned sausage. "You have piano fingers!" I used to hear and would love to hear again. (I should have learned piano!)
I feel YOUNG when I'm laughing with my gal friends - sharing funny anecdotes and harmless gossip!
I feel YOUNG when the first sips of wine rush mellow through my bloodstream and I see the world before me through rose-colored glasses!
I feel YOUNG being competitive over a game of SCRABBLE with my husband - the two of us letting loose with playful taunts and boasts!
I feel YOUNG when sitting outside on a Spring or Summer day watching my feathered friends so close to me at the feeders or in the flower beds, so trusting of me and my dog -- I chirp and whistle to them and imagine myself as 'Snow White' whose shoulder a bluebird is about to light on!
I feel YOUNG when I play my favorite music and sing along and remember times past that radiated with energy and wild abandon! I am then that girl in those scenes and I remind myself that 'she' still lives within me.
I feel YOUNG when I allow myself in privacy, to be SILLY! Playing with the dog; dancing or walking in an exaggerated fashion from room to room as I dust or lift clutter; talking to myself as I've done since I was a little kid!
I feel YOUNG when I'm with someone older and weaker than I am or if I'm with someone of any age who has not ever experienced adventures/ misadventures in their lives...