I hate retirement, also.

by Frank

your future!

your future!

I had my own business, which I wanted one of my adult children to take over on a part time basis.

It was the kind of business that would have allowed one of us to run for perhaps 3 to 6 months a year while the other did not have to work, and to take turns doing this. Though my children were capable, they were not interested.

My wife was retired and loving it, so I decided to sell the business, which included property. I netted $1,400,000, which, with another $200,000 in savings, plus about $45,000 a year in pension, and no debt, was plenty to live on after we invested in mutual funds.

After a while, I began to hate retirement and the lack of purpose, particularly at what I was very good at.

I tried volunteering, which worked for my wife, but I wasn't using the skills I was good at and comfortable with.

A business opportunity like the one I had sold came along. It involved the sudden death of the owner, whom I knew and who was heavily in debt, and no family nearby or with interest in the business. The business also included property, which was only 3 years old. I had inside knowledge about the situation, and related skills and experience. I made a written offer of $1,200,000 on the business.

My wife, who had no business experience and had never helped me in my business, became very upset with me and complained that I, at 70 at the time, was "...too old to enjoy the benefits..." of the business, as she put it. I have come to believe that she felt it would interfere with the freedom of retirement which she loves. I caved in and rescinded my offer within a couple hours of making it.

The business sold shortly after for $1,100,000, which was less than I offered. Five years later the business, with no improvements in property, sold for $2,800,000, a gross profit of $1,700,000., though it could have been $1,600,000 had I not withdrawn my offer at my wife's insistence.

She has discouraged me from other ventures, and I've almost always caved in to keep peace in the family.

This opportunity I've just described was very rare, and I had an inside track on it. I hate myself for giving in. I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me, as I am comfortable financially.

The resentment I feel toward my wife is affecting my peace of mind and health, as well as our relationship, causing much depression.

I hate retirement, and I hate my willingness to be so submissive to avoid confrontation.

Comments for I hate retirement, also.

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Dreadful thing when you can't let go
by: Chris/U.K.

I know exactly how you feel. I taught in college for many years. I got to my late 50s and gave it up because I was getting stale. But really I just needed a break.

8 years on I'm too old to go back and it sucks. At least I don't have anyone to blame - except the system !!.

Don't be too hard on your wife. I'm sure she wants the best for you. But that's the trouble with getting older. You want to stand on the mound and throw that fastball one more time, but the day comes when you can't, or perhaps you can but they won't let you and no life coach can help you with that day.

Just get a new job or business
by: Anonymous

We all make mistakes. You can rebound from this one.

The clear and obvious answer for someone who misses their job or business after "retirement" is the following:

If your health and finances permit, go back to work or buy a new business. Get certified or an additional degree in something or work for less than you did before - whatever you can do to get back into the world of work and give it your all.

If your spouse objects, don't spend their share of your joint resources, let them do what they want with their life, and then just do what you want and your spouse will get used to it.

The idea of not working or keeping busy with hobbies, family or volunteering sounds horrible to me. As long as my health permits, and probably a little bit past that, I won't retire.

by: Anonymous

Perhaps see if there is a SCORE group in your area. Often associated with area council on aging Retired business people serve as mentors to younger entrepreneurs.

I Hate Retirement
by: Laura Canada

I’m so sick of the boredom of retirement and the futility of it. I miss my job period.

by: Anonymous

Dude, stop with the looking back and blaming. The only one who's miserable is you. Why don't you focus on becoming a better husband, then your wife will have good memories of you.

Retirement Feels Like a Life Sentence
by: Canadian Retiree

Well, I had one good day since retirement started.

I went ice skating today in a group lesson. Brought back some fond memories of days gone by. I actually can still skate pretty good, not bad for 64. However, going home brought me back to thinking how much I regret taking retirement one year too soon. Maybe even 2 years too soon.

I miss the structure of my job and the routine and dare I say the commute that I so complained about. I wish I had gone back to work after my cancer treatments ended last January. It would have been tough I'm sure but I would rather be trying a back to work program than doing nothing with my life.

All I have now to look forward to is a volunteer job at the Hospital and nothing else. I'm feeling sick. I wish I could just go back to work.

Retirement Blues
by: Laura Canada

I just retired and I’m not enjoying it. I go to bed thinking I made a huge mistake taking retirement instead of returning to my job of 20 years. I miss my job I miss everyone at work. I have no challenges to keep me busy. I don’t know what I was thinking when I chose to retire. I want my job back.

Hate Retirement
by: Louisewt

Frank, I like Wendy's saying 'You can't move ahead if you are living in the past'. I am truly guilty of that and I have to let go of my glorious past that is never coming back to me.

I have not found myself yet in retirement because it came as a lay off and I wasn't ready to retire. Kept looking for jobs without success and gave up.

My suggestion to you would be to start a blog for business advice. You were very successful and could help others. You could write some 'how to do' books and sell them on your blog site. It would keep you busy and keep your mind active.

You could also join the local Chamber of Commerce. They advise people in business matters.

Good luck!

Hate Retirement
by: Louisewt

Frank, I like Wendy's saying 'You can't move ahead if you are living in the past'. I am truly guilty of that and I have to let go of my glorious past that is never coming back to me.

I have not found myself yet in retirement because it came as a lay off and I wasn't ready to retire. Kept looking for jobs without success and gave up.

My suggestion to you would be to start a blog for business advice. You were very successful and could help others. You could write some 'how to do' books and sell them on your blog site. It would keep you busy and keep your mind active.

You could also join the local Chamber of Commerce. They advise people in business matters.

Good luck!

Water under the bridge.
by: Ron (IL)

True, you missed an opportunity to become re-engaged in business and a sense of purpose. True, you probably would/could have sold for a nice profit- but, you don't know that. Things might have gone differently had you bought the business in question.

You may have made different decisions, you may have held on to the business too long and missed selling for top value. You may have ended up divorced (God forbid), because you weren't spending enough time at home, etc. These bad things probably would not have happened, but one can't know and money has a declining marginal utility. i.e. after a point, each additional dollar is worth less that the previous. You are doing fine financially.

Hopefully you have found engaging activities and have kept strong relationships.

by: Bill Hartford/Durango, Col.

Maybe you should stop worrying about making $$$ and enjoy your LIFE while you still can.......

Business and family
by: Fern/Canada

I sympathize. If you like making money, then why not!! Ask your family what they would find acceptable in your terms of reference? Perhaps the risk is too high for them?

I started out making money by minding the pennies, and it still works. How did you start out? Might you help others with start ups? What about micro-loans? I looked into it but I wanted something with less complications, what about starting a trust? Is helping others what your family consider important, or is it inconvenience. You may need a good family discussion with a facilitator.

It is a big life mindset change to realize you can spend that money, and it will not happen overnight. Take time out to think about what you want out of life and how you can head in that direction, in your own way and in your own style.

Your passion is important to your health and relationships. In what ways may you keep your passion and hold your own hope and support?

The challenge of differing goals
by: Donna from Atlanta

Sorry you are hating retirement so far!

The need for a sense of purpose is part of most of us but there are such drastically different ways of approaching it, especially in retirement.

You and your wife seem to have very different goals and visions at this point. I'm a retired psychology professor and don't mean to sound "lecturey" but studies have shown that when resentment and contempt build in a relationship serious repair work is required. Also, your suppression of your own needs to "keep the peace" is jeopardizing your mental and physical wellness, as you already know.

I urge you to consider some couple and/or individual counseling to help you navigate the huge changes in your life and relieve the depression.

I retired as a professor and department chair a year ago and this first year has been much more disorienting than I could have imagined, so I understand!

Good luck to you on your journey!

I hate retirement
by: Anonymous

I read your post and although I am not yet retired, I am afraid I will end up feeling the way you feel.

I am a retired Navy commissioned officer who enjoyed some challenging and exciting moments of a lifetime. When I retired from the Navy the first two years was bliss it was a sense of freedom. I opened up my own business did very well, however the economy has affected the last few years my plans for financial independence.

I have a navy pension and a service-connected disability compensation as well as investment funds, I feel extremely insecure about the thought of retiring.

I'm extremely healthy, Physically fit and are used for looking-I am now 65 but look many years younger-I am afraid if I retire there will be no purpose I will grow old and just die.

I don't want to buy in to societies expectation that we as we age have no value or frail and or insignificant in any contribution we can make to society.

I resent the fact that they expect us to volunteer our time and talent and not be compensated. I would like to start a grassroots organization to stand up and be heard to change the mindset to one that we as we age our part of the society can contribute to the society however we must be compensated.

My fear of retirement has less to do with maintaining this lifestyle that I've lived all my adult life but more so to do with the fact that I will have no mission or have no purpose and will be viewed as some frail woman who is a drain on society And has no value.

Reading your post validate of these for years for me and I applaud you for wanting more out of life than just waiting until the Grimm Reaper Appears - don't let anyone stop your ambitions!

Can't live on "what ifs."
by: MJP Jophannesburg

I'm sorry you lost that opportunity, and that you feel you are living under your wife's thumb. The past is, however, the past, and if we could go back and re-do our mistakes, how happy we would be!

You seem to be a man of some shrewdness and intelligence. Is there no possibility of carrying out a mentor/consultant role? There must be many young hopefuls who have invested everything in their dreams and it's proving a bit too difficult.

If you could come in as a "business uncle," for a very moderate fee, you could be invaluable, and many young starry-eyed entrepreneurs will realise their dreams and be as fulfilled as you were.

You won't have the responsibility of that business, but you will be doing something vitally important - particularly in a difficult economic climate.

Set up a little consultancy company - with someone who has complementary skills, if necessary, and go for it!

Good luck!

Another thought...
by: Wendy, www.retirement-online.com

Consider this...

Helping others is a way to truly help yourself.

WHY NOT give to others as a method of sharing with the world and having that purpose in life?

  • Drive through the grocery store parking lot and help a struggling senior or someone in reserved parking get groceries into their car. I love to do this and folks are really grateful for the simple act.

  • Buy lunch for someone at Burger King today.

  • Pay for an older retirees groceries (they often have very little they are buying as they can't afford much).

  • Go through a drive through window and leave $20 to pay for the next person or two

    Start small. I'm not asking you to spend all you've worked hard to save all of your life.

    I am saying that maybe, just maybe, you will feel that glow of life again -- simply from being of service to someone in need!

    Sending healing energy your way!

    p.s. Hit the Contact Wendy (top right) and let's talk... you really could start an online business you can work from home, write a book, and much more.

    I do beieve what the other commenter said: "Believe me your wife and family will change when they see how happy you are."

  • CEO Need to Be Strong
    by: Michigan

    Well my friend all I can say is it's a good thing you didn't invest -- sounds to me like you have lost the edge that once took you too the top.

    I think you should write a book about your life getting to the top in your first job so you can remember what it took and all the hard work you did.

    I'm not judging you but no matter how much money you have, if you have resentment in your heart you will be unhappy.

    My last remark is when you reread your book, if you think you think are smarter and better than the man who build the first company ~ buy a business my friend.

    Believe me your wife and family will change when they see how happy you are. However if you are not the same man than you can stop wallowing in what could have been and get on with your life.

    I wish you health, happiness and continued wealth in family and friends.

    PLEASE Let Go...
    by: Wendy, www.retirement-online.com

    Yes, you retired.
    Yes, at 70, you had a huge opportunity to make even more income.
    Yes, you needed purpose.
    Yes. you allowed your wife's interests interfere with your own business pursuits....

    BUT -- it is time to Let Go.

    You can't move ahead if you are living in the past.
    Regrets are just that. You can't go back.

    Time to live life as it was meant to be lived.
    Time to find new purpose in life.
    Time to Be YOU.

    Open your heart to your new life.

    I am praying for PEACE and CONTENTMENT for you!

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