I have become irrelevant.
Here is my story, I have worked my entire life from my first job being a paperboy, working at fast food restaurants after high school day was over, bagging groceries while working my way through college and trade school.
I began my first real job as a computer operator and worked my way to being a software developer. I have worked in the same industry for almost thirty years, I enjoyed my job, it was my life, I always looked forward to being with people at work, the social contact, and the meetings.
Then the day came when I was told I was a part of a resource action, and everything came crashing down.
When I was working, I got married, helped raise my stepsons, did the vacations every year, purchased a home which I refinanced a few times, and still paying off the mortgage, have a small nest egg with my 401k.
I own a vacation home that is paid off in a beach resort in Thailand which I rent during the peak season, it all sounds good right !
After being laid off I tried seeking job opportunities but soon found out that because of my age and being over qualified I have now starred in my own Twilight Zone, I have become irrelevant.
I have tried to keep myself busy writing blogs on my favorite political sites, created vlogs on my travels to Thailand, I swim a lot in the pool, and watch a lot of TV, I pull weeds in the backyard. Yet I feel that life has run its course and their is nothing left for me to do.
I worry about finances, I worry about health, and I worry about the brown spot on grass lawn in my front yard. I have always had a hard time dealing with stress at work with meeting deadlines, working long hours and because of such I always had a hard problem of controlling my anger when at home doing the most mundane things like fixing a leaky faucet. I would get frustrated and felt that everything was against me, why is everything in life so hard, I would rather be at work.
Now that I am not working my anger has magnified -you would think that because I have all the time in the world things would be much better but in fact it is worse, I feel hopelessness, useless, and worthless, and even though I am married I still feel like I am all alone. I have a good friend that asks me to go out for a beer occasionally but I make excuses not to go.
My wife does not seem to understand what I am going through, I might be to blame because it is hard for me to explain to her in detail, there is also a culture difference being that she was originally from Thailand.
I do once in a while have my good days where I accomplish something I set out to do, but these days are rare and far in between. My only saving grace is waiting to go on my annual trek to Thailand as we do every year, I love going to Thailand and this year we plan to spend a few months instead of just a month but to be honest even the thought of this does nothing to motivate me.