by Serbella McGee
(St. Louis, MO)
I posted my story here: https://www.retirement-online.com/i-thought-i-was-losing-my-mind-at-first.html
First, I apologize not not being around. My internet connection is notoriously slow and touchy. And if this is in the wrong place and has to be moved or deleted, I understand that too.
Anyway, for counseling I looked up one of the universities here in the area. They have low-cost clinics staffed by students on a sliding scale.
My counselor is a nice young lady, and I admit I thought at first I would have trouble relating to her. I don't think she gets all of what I'm saying, especially about retirement, but I feel she does understand a lot of it, especially when I tell her I feel lost and sometimes unable to cope with all this free time I have now.
She gives me assignments, like writing out a to do list for the year that makes me think about the kind of life I want for myself.
I don't like winter. I hate cold weather. I'm seriously considering hibernating in the winter until spring.
I have more than enough to keep me occupied at home, and I enjoy knowing that I don't have to go out and deal with idiot co-workers and ungrateful employers.
I have swung to the manic side, I think: not wanting to sleep, a little annoyed that there aren't enough hours in the day to do what I want.
I'm writing again, and I picked up a paintbrush and painted art. I haven't done that in 7 years. It feels better than being sluggish and depressed, but I don't want to crash, either.
My counselor and I have discussed this. I think she's 23; it amuses me that she's younger than some of my belongings. I keep my appointments, and I'm figuring out what I want to do from now on.
I've heard it said that it doesn't get better, you do. I believe that's true.
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