I'm at the end of his retired rope!

by Another Anonymous

Husband's company went bankrupt so he got early retirement at the age of 64 while I was dreading it at 66! He is lost and looks at me like his playmate.

I take care of everything at home, always did, all my responsibilities are still here while his aren't and he resents me for anything I do ... Cleaning, washing clothes, writing checks, you name it, it's always a nasty comment. Only thing he wants to do is food shop. He used to pay the bills until I got a notice the house taxes weren't paid. Why you ask because he was gambling the money away. He's sloppy, lazy, moody and making my life miserable. He always tells me he feels alone in the world and blames me for everything.

He uses an inhaler for his COPD and then goes outside to smoke. He's a mess and won't listen to anything I try to tell him. Kept telling him he needs something to do he's supposedly looking for a job but no luck so far. That might be the only thing that can save us fingers crossed here!

Comments for I'm at the end of his retired rope!

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STOP
by: Liusa

Stop enabling his codependency. Time for you to set some boundaries.

He is enjoying being taken care of, while you're miserable. Go on strike, and let things pile up. Go and have a nice day at the library, or bookstore, enjoy a cup of coffee while reading a book.

Men tend to show themselves thru their actions and I suggest you show him. You go girl!

Hang in there
by: Vicki

What he may not realize is this is all on him!

I would encourage you to go out and find activities for yourself, don’t take him with you.

We are all so used to our routines and now KABOOM! We are retired. What does that mean anyway? Were we tired before and now we are retired?

My husband is somewhat the same. A real couch potato. Not the good ole boy kind of person and will not budge to go out in the world and find new friends and activities. I also had a difficult time finding new activities and friends and after two years, while I stay active I still want a different lifestyle.

While I can invite my husband to some of the activities I participate in I do not do so. I need time away from him. We all do, he needs time away from you also.

You are retired!! You do not have to work any longer unless you choose. This includes cleaning and cooking. He is old enough to take care of himself. Do some fun things for yourself. If you hear of something that might interest him then encourage him to pursue that activity. We live in a coastal area and have a master naturalist class here. My husband loves camping and being outdoors. He took the class and has discovered many opportunities for volunteering. Some he chooses to participate in, others not,

You are not another persons social director. If you enjoy doing things together that’s great but people need individual activities also.

One other thing I have done lately is to let guilt go. We feel guilty when we are not doing purposeful work/activity. If we sleep late. If we watch to much TV. Let that go.

hubby discouragement
by: Anonymous

Been there. I ended up legally separated because the lies (financial and fidelity were ongoing). The legal separation turned into legally divorced automatically in a year. This alleviated my legal responsibility and stress for him financially.

We remained living together in the same bedroom as the children finished growing up. Fast forward Fast forward 20 years and now we have separate bedrooms. This works for me. I am grateful to have cared for him through 4 major surgeries, otherwise the burden on our grown children (with their own children, grown and small both) would have been great.

He now mostly buys the food (also loves grocery shopping, all things spontaneously related to spending, actually), and thankfully pays the utilities and computer.

We are gentle with each other emotionally at this time, have plenty of space, and it is nice at this age (67 and 72) to have a familiar face around.

We accept our differences and no one tries to change anyone anymore. All that heckling of me is over.

Really I celebrate that the bad days are gone. I am sad I ever had to get legally separated but grateful the option was available.

Take a trip
by: KenSanDiego

YOU, need to take a trip! WithOUT him... tell him that you will be hopping on a train, or plane, and taking a Sabbatical, when you are coming back? You don't know... and if you come home to a messed up house? You will call the cops and say "my husband is experiencing a mental problem and destroyed the house" that should give you another 30 days of peace ! lol ;-)

NC
by: Anonymous

My husband went to work as part time driver delivering parts for Advance Auto. He loves it! They hire a lot of older workers. He went through depression when he was down sized & it took a year to find a position. Age 62 Good luck!

End of Retired Rope
by: Sherry/ NC

He is miserable and blaming you for his misery! Send him to the doctor for a physical!

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