I'm living it too -- long term marriage, not a great retirement
My husband became permanently disabled at 42. I continued working until a forced retirement at age 57 when my company left the state.
While I was working those 15 years, he was home alone, he would do shopping, some cleaning, cook dinners, care for our 2 cats and took great pride in his lawn and yard.
Since I've been home, now 7 years, he has increasing slacked off and these last few years does absolutely nothing but mow the lawn, take out the garbage once a week and sometimes empty the dishwasher. I do everything else and mean everything including heavy yard work.
He has no interest in anything, no hobbies, no friends, just sits all day watching TV. If I try to engage in any conversation while he's watching, I get grunts.
I've tried everything to motivate him, and even suggested therapy which he's been in for over a year and yet there's been no change in his behavior. I never ask what is discussed in his sessions as it's between him and his therapist but I DO let him know that I don't see any improvement and he does know how frustrated I am.
He has completely taken advantage of me being home and also expects a home cooked dinner when we're home. (Before and now after the pandemic, we do go out to dinner once a week).
He does like travel so thank goodness for that, so I try to book 2 vacations a year. I try to do something every day to 1) get away from him, 2) keep active and 3) keep my sanity.
We've been married 45 years and have been through many hardships and setbacks, but we do have a connection like no other although I have thought I might be happier being alone but I know that since I've been with him since I was 17 I wouldn't function well without him.
I'm stuck and being a "the glass is half full" person I've resigned to this being the rest of my life. We were going to move from our expensive state but HE decided that we have everything we need right here.
He is an extremely nervous person and I know a move might have killed him so that dream of mine has been cancelled. He has already had a heart attack that was caused by stress.
This is my life.
I see that I'm not alone by the responses to this subject. Perhaps a group therapy for us would be helpful.