In transition of retiring and I've already lost my self worth and identity

by Lisa
(Las Vegas, NV)


My husband & I are both 60 yrs. young. We began a small Construction Company almost 40 yrs. ago & are now "semi-retired" & plan to be fully retired hopefully before the end of this year.


Being self-employed at such an early stage in life has it's advantages as well as disadvantages. We were fortunate to raise two children while working from home.

We would leave town once a month, Thursday thru Monday to go camping, skiing, cruising or travel anywhere we could as long as work carried on in our absence. We enjoyed raising our children & spending time with friends over the years. I miss those days terribly.

Both kids are grown & live in California while we are forced to remain where work is. Sadly, we have nobody to inherit our Company. We worked hard to maintain an excellent reputation and gain respect in the industry over the years.

Our children are not interested in the type of construction we provide and truthfully, I can't blame them. It's difficult, dirty work and not a desireable trade. But the money is excellent.

We have raised our family & lived comfortably thanks to our Company. It's very sad to see our doors close when we're ready to retire. It isn't easy to sell an excellent reputation and respect from the community without many assets. We have few physical assits as we've managed to run our business extremely well to create great profitfs.

I have been very depressed over the past few months. The Company basically runs itself so my work is very minimal. My husband is home by noon each day & hits the couch. All I do is clean & watch tv. My kids are far and I miss them very much.

We live in a retirement community but at this time, the residents here are much older than we are. We're the 2nd generation to move here so there are very few, if any other couples close to our age.

I find myself not even wanting to get dressed in the morning as I can work in my jammies! I dont leave the house unless it's to run an errand. I haven't cooked since the kids moved out, almost 8-9 years ago! It seems a waste to go thru all that trouble for just the two of us. I've never been a great cook anyway.

I don't want to die in this house, bored, depressed and in my jammies! I need to do something until we are able to fully retire or I'll deteriorate into an old women before my time! We've worked too hard for so long, it's not fair to end this way!

I want to enjoy my life while I'm still young and able to. I never thought I'd become this depressed, sad & lonely person! It scares me!

Comments for In transition of retiring and I've already lost my self worth and identity

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Lisa in Las Vegas
by: Elisa/Arizona

You guys look like a fun, vibrant couple. My suggestion is to learn to ride motorcycles (take the course if you don't know how to ride already) and hit the road. You will love it.

For us, motorcycling is a combination of traveling, seeing new sights, experiencing each other in new situations, meeting challenges, experiencing weather, meeting new people and being self-reliant. There isn't time to figure out what we will do next, especially when camping our way across the country.

Yes, it can be dangerous - but that's part of being alive - right?

You can even ride to CA to visit your kids!

Seriously... give it a try.
Good luck and be safe out there.

Response to Lisa
by: Christine/Maryland

Hello Lisa! As I read your post, I began to chuckle, because you sound exactly like I did when I retired in 2015.

You have received some good feedback from some of those who responded. I never tell people that they need to do this or that, or that they need to snap out of it, or stop feeling sorry for themselves. If you could snap out of it and all of that, you would! What you feel is real, and you want life to be better, and I certainly do not hear you feeling sorry for yourself. But I do hear fear and uncertainty.

Retirement - you and your husband have never done it before. Remember when you had your first child? You had a LOT of adjusting to do - you had never been a parent before. You worried about every little thing. Retirement is like anything else - you have to adjust to it. Everyone's journey is different, so do not try to make it be or look like someone else's journey. It does sound like you are going through "Retirement Depression" of sorts. I encourage you to see a therapist -- it is one of the best things I did, and it helped immensely.

I also suggest meditation first thing in the morning. I do Christian Meditation videos that I have found on Youtube. It has really helped me, and I generally take a 30 minute daily walk.

You have a wealth of information as someone suggested. Writing a book to help others would be fantastic! And you could also look into becoming a Business Coach, and be a guest speaker or presenter at local colleges, or businesses. There is so much you can do based on your success.

It does also sound like it pains you that your children do not want the business. The business is your baby, and I can imagine how hard it is to let go. But that journey was for you and your husband. You did it very well, and accomplished great success. That is awesome! And I hope you celebrate what you have done. But a new chapter begins, and only you and your husband get to decide how you want this next season of your life to be. It is your choice, and yours alone.

Lastly, I know about staying in the pj's and watching mindless TV. One day I was sharing this with a dear friend, and she said to me -- why have you decided to just sit around waiting for death to show up!! So, life has definitely gotten much better since that conversation!!

Everything really will work out -- start with getting out of the pj's, and try a therapist for just a few months, and it is okay to share how you feel with a dear friend who won't judge you, but will love you through it. Let's see how your fabulous life continues to unfold. Keep us posted...I am cheering you on!!

MOMENTUM
by: Loyce!

Swallow Life or be swallowed. ON with it.

JOIN OUR FRIENDLY COMMUNITY
by: GOLDIE

Dear Lisa,
Please join our online community!


http://community.retirement-online.com/

Life goes according to the wishes of God
by: Om Joshi, Jaipur INDIA

Dear friends, Life is not according to our wishes, changes are according to wishes of God. One is to work with belief in all powerful. truth is most important it will always help and guide the life. Belief in truth is like belief in the god. One should help other people and living beings. Om Joshi

Retirement decisions
by: SJB

Your mind and body have been programmed for 40 years. Now you feel the effect of transitioning into a new routine as you wind down, which will take some time. Staying in your pajamas all day and sleeping is all okay.

Remember that any transition has its aches and pains until you get used to the process of a new routine. A lot of empinessers have a hard time when their children grow up and move out on their own. Your husband might also need some to time to wind down, so he sits around watching TV. It is very normal.

Give yourself some time for readjusting, count your blessings you are financially secure, you both have each other. The important thing is to not let yourself get down in the duldrums too long. With plenty of time on hand it is easy to do.

I am sure you will find new activities and hobbies to occupy your time. Maybe move to a new city or state later on where people are a bit younger and undoubtedly find new friends.

It will all work out. Stay positive positive. All the best!

Early Retirement
by: Goldie

Hi Lisa,
Sounds like you might want to relocate to be near your kids/grandkids? If money isn't a problem you have plenty of options.

It takes time to adjust but I think you will enjoy it once you figure out what you enjoy doing.

Join us online and you will be amazed how many interesting people and activities you will discover.

You are not alone
by: Linda/Henderson NV

I,too, live in Nevada and I also live in a retired community. Every time I see my neighbors I get scared because I see them sick and disabled. There are deaths of tenants in this complex which is a constant reminder of old age and sickness.

I only fill up my car with one tank of gas per month because I have no desire to leave my amy apartment unless it is absolutely necessary.

I retired in 2015 and it has been a roller coaster of emotions on a daily basis. I constantly remind myself that I no longer have to deal with work stress but sometimes the emptiness really gets to me.

CHANGING
by: Loyce!

Life presents us with ongoing challenges as we transition and we choose how we will adapt.

Put things in perspective
by: plp green bat

Please put your life in perspective. One year after I retired I lost my 38-year-old, educated, son of cancer. That's depression and yes, I am on depression pills.

You sound like you have had a very good life. ENJOY!

Seniors Don't Need To Retire From Busines
by: Joe W.

I cannot see both of you wasting your retirement when you could easily pivot to some other business or investment that can keep you going for another 30 yrs.

The difference, when the kids are gone, the Boomers will rise up not sit at home watching television with the exception of watching the NHL Hockey Playoffs or the NBA Basketball Playoffs.

I have thousands of small business & entrepreneurial contacts that could be more FUN than the nose to the grindstone making money for the home-based family business.

Lost my self worth
by: Elna Nugent, Lenox, MA

Dear Lost my Identity

Your successful years have taught you an incredible amount of experience in running your own business and making it work. You and your husband could create quite a course of study that could help younger people who are eager to begin their own businessl

If you are creative enough to run a successful business but aren't into teaching, write a book instead. "How we created a successful business --and how you could too." You two are a gold mine that can help people.

You could begin by creating a small book of what you each believe are important things you have learned. You could first write it writing it for this community.

Wendy can tell you how. God Bless.

You both seriously ARE a Gold Mine!

Entrepreneur
by: E

Hi Lisa,

I used to live in Henderson and am about to move back there, love that area.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself ....you have a great life.

First of all visit your kids: California is not that far. Make sure you stay on good terms with them.

Secondly help others.

Thirdly: My son ran his own business and retired young so he could stay home and be there for his young kids. He loves that. He sold his business to one of the emploees: could you do that? Or would one of your employees take it over with help and consultation from you and then run it and you and your husband give ongoing help? Perhaps if you have grandchildren one of them will be interested in it some day, pretty awesome working for yourslef.



Transition
by: Marcia/Pennsylvania

The first thing you have to do is to look at the glass as being half full -- not half empty. There are so many people who would love to have your "problems". I lost my husband at 55 so first be happy that you still have your husband and that he is healthy.

Next, be glad that your health is pretty good. You are still able to get around and accomplish what you need to do without always having to ask someone for help.

Wendy gave you good advice. You sound like a very intelligent person whose skills could be put towards all kinds of volunteer programs. On the AARP site they have an area that lists volunteer opportunites in your area. Just put in your zip code and the amount of miles you are willing to travel. If your husband is interested, he could probably volunteer for jobs that need "handyman" skills. Volunteering gives you a great sense of satisfaction. They need people to shop for them, phone visits or personal visits, trips to doctors appointments. The list is long and diverse.

Take a moment to reflect on what you have accomplished all these years. Think of all the people who have benefitted from your expertise and enjoy the feeling.

This is the beginning of the second half of your life. It can be even more enjoyable now if you look on the positive side.

Good luck.


You've got it all, and yet...
by: Wendy, www.retirement-online.com

Vegas, itself, is full of much to do... and I'm not talking just gambling either.

Get outdoors, do some "forest bathing" so you get into nature a bit. Help others to get yourself out of your own head a bit. Volunteer. Get involved with some group activities -- just don't stay in that home.

I wonder if you need to see a doctor? Maybe your hormones are messed up? Maybe need meds? We don't like to take them -- but sometimes necessary to carry you past this stage of life.

Lisa, You have it all. You worked hard and now you both deserve the retirement of your dreams! Get it together.

Don't put it off. See your doctor or a therapist, a retirement coach, whatever... get a professional involved in your life... sooner rather than later when you are really stuck.

Wishing you the Best.

You took action in your business years ago --
Time to take action for YOU and NOW!

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