Just Existing

by Linda C

Moved from a comment on: "Retired: I'm not living anymore.....just existing" page...

I am only existing - you took those words from MY mouth!

Even though my pen pal ads state that I am married and some of you are alone – I often still feel very alone. My husband retired 8 months ago (2018) – I’ve been retired since 2005. Even though I am not literally alone in the house often, I feel even more alone sometimes, as it’s become more obvious how different my husband and I are from one another!

He’s a good, generous man: however, he is not much for ‘chit chat’ – he’s always intense on a project in or around the house. The simple pleasure ‘everyday’ things I want to do with him in our retirement years for fun and entertainment, he has no interest in. Even trying to get him to watch a movie – at home or out – is like pulling teeth! I have no immediate family left and my only son, grown, lives in another state.

My gal friends of many years have pretty much stepped out of my life, save for Facebook comments or the occasional phone call to ‘check in’. They are 6 or 7 years younger than I, and are in different stages of their lives now with elderly parents, continuing careers, or flying off on worldly adventures!

Over the past several years, weight gain; osteoarthritis, and other annoying ‘ailments’ have taken away my ability to ‘keep up’: i.e. walking distances or standing at length, which snuffed out hiking, tours, festivals, museum browsing, etc. and therefore, I was put on ‘Glue Factory’ lists and stopped receiving offers/invitations to participate.

It is difficult often in one’s 50s, 60s to find and make ‘new’ friends – especially if you are not much of a ‘joiner’ of groups – I can identify! It IS important however, that if nothing else, immerse yourself in a hobby or some enjoyable activity (a small garden?) or if near an animal shelter, often they need cat cuddlers or dog walkers – and even if you think you wouldn’t enjoy a movie alone – try it - go to a matinee’ – get some popcorn – climb into the big screen! you’ll find you might prefer not having someone you know next to you who talks too much!

I’ve found that playing a game or two (not all day!) online with harmless ‘strangers’, or making playlists for your own listening pleasure on Amazon Music for instance…or Pandora…can be fun!

There are so many things on the Internet to browse: art, literature, Pinterest categories, anything one can think up! I also loved (when single), to put on music and try a new recipe while sipping a glass of wine (or two) in the evenings – yes, you can even pretend you are Julia Child!

Comments for Just Existing

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Same Here
by: Canadian Retiree

I’m just existing too in retirement. I don’t know what I expected retirement to be. I’m taking one day at a time.

I’m not as depressed as I was at first. I still miss working and my job. I sometimes wonder if I should try to work again. I’m used to not being at work and the thought of commuting doesn’t appeal to me.

I just feel useless at times. I’m starting a volunteer gig tomorrow but not sure if it’s what I want. I think I just try things to pass the time. It’s taken a toll on my marriage. I probably should have kept working for as long as possible. I never thought retirement would be so difficult but it is. Oh well.

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