Just Like I Was (not living any more)

by Teran/Indianapolis

I was in the same boat as "I'm not living anymore", only add to the fact that my husband had a late life affair (with an older woman!) and just walked out of my life.

I sobbed and couldn't get out of bed for days on end. I stopped eating and lost 65 lbs. Finally I decided enough was enough. It's my time now. Here's what I did:

1. Got a GREAT therapist that sees me every week. If you cannot afford one, go to your church and see if they have a Stephan Ministry program. These people are Christians who are trained to lead you to spiritual healing.

2. Get active in your church. Go every Sunday and then give yourself a reward.

3. I have 2 beagles who love me unconditionally and I HAVE to get out of bed to feed and walk them daily. Yes, sometimes I go right back to bed after their walk but more and more I'm not. And when I go to bed they are there with me, warm, loving. When I have a bad day they lay their heads on my chest and let me cry. In fact, sometimes they cry with me because they feel my pain.

4. I suffer from a mood disorder too but it seemed my medication stopped working. I went back to my psychiatrist and she changed meds. This has been hard because it takes time and trial and error to find out which med works for your system.

5. If you're not sleeping don't hesitate to ask for a sleep aid. There are nonaddictive ones your psych can recommend or at least there is ZZquill.

6. I went back to school. It's online so I don't have to worry about leaving home. I'm training to be an autism behavior therapist. But you can be an autism service provider easily. The company will train you. In my area there is a desperate need for service providers of all kinds to work with autistic people. Pay is low but helping others is a good way to put your problems in perspective.

7. My big mistake was running out and joining an online dating service. I wanted to feel validated. I would advise against it. You have to be able to validate yourself first before you can be ready to validate another individual.

I am merely sharing my experience with you. Pick and choose what you think will help. It's not easy to pick yourself up and move on but it's worth the work. BTW, I'm 64.

Comments for Just Like I Was (not living any more)

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Thumbs Up
by: Elaine/Port Charlotte/FL

Way to go!! You're an inspiration and great example to all. We're all responsible for ourselves and happiness. You're a smart, strong lady.

Choosing to move ahead
by: Gail Hubbard

Thank you for sharing your path to recovery! you offered several very good options for others who are struggling through life issues. Keep choosing the positive ones.

warm wishes,

by: Ruth Buffalo

You did it! This lesson is there for all of us to learn, but not all are interested and continue to self destroy. It hurts to take control over your life. There will be bumps and bruises. I will be one of those who will tell you this. But the reward is great. You will find a person within you that you can love.
Your welcome!

Response to: Just Like I Was
by: Ken / San Diego CA


Count your blessings! I think if you had that cheating S O B around, he would have kept you down!

Enjoy your FREE time! Go out, enjoy yourself, and if your ex should call you, tell him "oh sorry, I am BUSY, I have to meet friends for salsa dancing, then I have to go to a midnight get together, and we are getting ready to go on a 2 week cruise, etc. etc. etc. then say "By the way, what is your name again?" LOL

(Wendy forced me to say these things!) LOL

Ken / San Diego CA

I did not! :) Wendy

thank you
by: Nikki


thank you for your post. I am sorry that your husband left you. I never had a long term husband but that would hurt I know.

Even though you were depressed it sounds like you have found help and even found a new goal to help autistic people. I think that is great.

I am newly retired and I can't figure out what I am doing yet. I went on a dating service...not sure its the best thing to do. I need some kind of worthwhile goal like you found. How did you do it decide?

Just like I was not living anymore
by: Sherry

WOW, you are a strong lady! I have been through this myself. It is very difficult!

Time will help and heal you and some caring friends too. You are very smart to go to therapy this will help you to realize it is not your fault! Sometimes you are confused and therapy will help you to know it is not your fault. Your ex-husband has a problem with himself.

Your husband didn't have good character this is why he did this to you. He doesn't love you either because if he did he wouldn't hurt you.

In the end everything will be alright!

Not living
by: Anonymous

I admire your action

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