Learning about Codependency

by Glenda
(Michigan usa)

For many years, I've been unhappily married I got on antidepressants and seen a counsler it took me a long time to figure out I could be having a codependent problem or a husband with a personality disorder. I have been studying alot on the Internet it has helped me understand alot.

The more knowledge I gain the better I feel. I have not left my husband, almost did, but I'm unemployed and it's hard to get a new life at the age of 68.

A place to live tried to see if I could get section 8 but it was too much for me to bear and overwhelming there is nothing easy about it. I called a lawyer about a divorce and he really made me feel there's no hope he said no matter what I do. I won't be happy and that really felt there's no hope... but now I'm back accepting this my husband will never change.

he gets spells where can be tolerable and lots of days nothing goes right for him. it seems he's never happy and blames the world for his handicap or anything else he can think of.

Now we decided to move from mich to Tennessee. I have a brother that lives there, but my new grand daughter lives here. I love Tennessee. I also love my grand daughter as long as I get to see her a week or two every now and then I won't mind moving.

I'm thankful to be able to write this down this is my story in short.

Comments for Learning about Codependency

Click here to add your own comments

by: Beverly, Columbus, OH

Thank you for sharing, I was just thinking how we really don't get to choose anything in life. The life of the believer is different than the life of those coming into the knowledge of our Creator. Bottomline, we are here to serve in the Kingdom of God and not ourselves. This realization has come for me late also.

I have been single all my life and raised two (2) children. While working full time plus for most of my adult life. I have always taught in one capacity or another and I am still teaching (mental health) those that don't understand His will is about Him and not us!

Understanding the fringe benefits, the 401 K, the perks, etc. of Gods Kingdom in the earth is an adventure. His is my retirement plan as well.

by: Anonymous

I am in a quite similar situation. I just read under hobbies, the idea of starting a gratitude jar. I am going to do that, for sure. I have a vase downstairs (where my x husband sleeps - sorry folks I am messed up for sure). I will get it and make myself a jar.

The shared road
by: Anonymous

Hi there.

God save us all. You are not alone but it is a lonely road, one I know well. God bless us all, and lead us somewhere please.n You are a beautiful person.

feel your sorrow
by: Rose Raintree Arlington Wa.

First let me say how sorry I am for where you are at this time in your life. By the time we reach our senior years it is important to have peace and joy.

I looked for way to many years outside of myself to find this and thankfully because of the Lord never giving up on me about 16 years ago though I have been a Christian for over 45 years. He began to take me deeper and showed me that true and lasting joy comes from within and not from or by any circumstance or person.

When I fully grasped this and developed my relationship with Him by focusing on His purpose for me being here and not my feelings life changed.

I was alone then and I am still alone and expect to be the rest of my journey as I am 72, and while things are not perfect and my son whom I love dearly continues to hurt me in ways that is wrong, but my pain extends to how much more he is hurting himself and his beautiful family.

Now no matter what the day holds or the circumstances that unfold my joy comes from within and the knowledge that I have purpose and am loved.

Find your purpose and ask God to reveal within you His love in ways that no one or nothing can take your joy away. And you will be amazed how God may take your joy and walk with your husband loving him because of that joy how this attitude God may use to change his own heart and outlook on life. God bless and Tennessee is beautiful I hope your move there will be blessed with new beginnings

Go, and don't look back
by: Sheila, Canada

I hope that younger folk read this. Those facing this kind of problem need the courage to leave the marriage and strike out on their own. Living in misery is like enduring a long-drawn out suicide. Even if the writer thinks it is too late, she should make that move. It can only be for the better.

Alone at 65
by: Elna Nugent, Lenox, MA

Dear Glenda: After reading your story, I was filled with the need to ask you many questions which of course you don't have to answer..

First how old were when you got married and what drew you to your husband. What was your family like and were you very dependent on your parents? Do you have sisters or brothers? What kind of work outside the home have you had? Is there something you know how to do that can be helpful to others?

Did you ever have times of depression before you got married? And have you been able to have counseling during your married life? You suggest your husband is handicapped in some way. Was he that way when you married him?

Many psychologists say we are usually drawn to and team up with or marry someone who teaches us what we most need to learn, and vise versa. I hope you are able to have counseling from someone who is objective and can help you.

Making changes can help.Maybe you can have a more rewarding life if you move. I hope so. Many Blessings.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Marriage in Retirement.....