Leaving or children and grandchildren to another state 5-6 hours away.

by Debora Whitten
(Pinon Hills, Ca. United States)

My husband and I would like to go to a another state for an easier lifestyle, were not happy with the area we live in, its not changing for the good, not only that our house and 2 1/2 acres is just to much for us to keep up.

We live off a dangerous highway and to far from shopping.

My delima is I have a lot of anxiety about making the move, I feel guilty leaving my grown adult children and my grandchildren 3 boys and another grandson on the way. I see my daughters often who live close by. My son on the other hand lives about 45 minutes away and I don't see him as much, mostly on holidays, Christmas, thanksgiving, special occasions.

I feel guilty leaving my grandsons and not being around to babysit my sons new baby, when they need me. All my children are making me feel guilty as well about leaving. They keep saying were going to regret it.

Any advise on making this transition or even if I should.

Comments for Leaving or children and grandchildren to another state 5-6 hours away.

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I can totally relate
by: Diana

We were living in CA about 15 min. away from grandkids. COVID hit and my husband was put on furlough. We realized how unaffordable CA would be for retirement.

We moved to Northern Arizona about 6.5 hours away a year ago. It still breaks my heart. But it was unavoidable.

The economic cost to stay was way to high. We just couldn’t afford it.

Torn between 2 Grandsons
by: Anonymous

I'm torn also. We live in Michigan where all our family lives, except for my Son and his family.

Do I stay in Michigan with my daughter and 9yr old Grandson who I Love dearly or do we move to Arizona where my son and daughter-in-law and 3 month old Grandson is, who I Love dearly too.

I cry just thinking about it. Arizona would be better for my husband and I in our retirement years.

Many Regrets When Leaving Family Behind
by: Diane E.

Moving sounds good when you think of retirement as we also live in CA. But our house is pd. for, our kids and grandkids are within 15 min. of us and we are happy in our home and having grandkids spend time with us. Holidays are so nice to have with family.

So many people move and regret it later. If we lose our spouse and are all alone and dependent upon non-family it is rough. Also, check total taxation charts out when moving; no income tax does not always mean cheaper taxes.

It is more expensive to fly and visit family than just staying put. Life is short and we want the support and love of our family while we are still here.

So helpful here!! Thank you.
by: Mj/TN

Wow. we are moving an hour and a half from kids in their 20s and I was bawling until I saw all these comments.

This is a do-able distance. We bought a cabin in the mountains...rural beauty but I could do a day trip, right?

I'm drying my tears and praying for you all.

My 2 cents
by: Anonymous

I have learned that our children insist on living their own lives, their choice, their life, they don't need or welcome your advice. End of story.

You only live once so do just that with the same rules as our children. My life, my choice, no advice.

If you don't make a choice someone else will choose for you. Live your lives until the wheels fall off!

Ignore the negative comments, sometimes there is jealousy and envy behind those comments.

by: Anonymous

You are the one choosing to leave your family. That choice is all yours. Family will always be more important to me.
I hope you do regret it.

by: Jeray/ Wrightwood

My husband and I are in the exact same boat. We want to get out of California now that he is retired. But to leave the grandkids behind, ugh!

My heart breaks to think about it. I am split in two. Half of me wants to explore, enjoy all there is out in this world and be adventurous. The other part of me wants to be comfortable, close-by, and available.

My husband really wants land and to be able to do things we can’t do here.

There is so much to think about it hurts my head.

Good luck to you. I pray everyday that God would show me what to do.

Sad grandma
by: Florida

My story is a little different. I moved to Florida from NY to care for my new grand daughter. I did this until she turned 5 and her mother decided to move to California. There was no good reason for doing this. It broke my heart and when they do visit, my heart breaks over again when they leave. I'm so sad and depressed.

So sad
by: Forever in my heart

My granddaughter is 3 and has lived in my home for the past two year’s with her father, mother, grandma, grandpa, 2 uncles, and 2 aunts. Her family lives 10-15 minutes away.

I have dropped granddaughter off and picked up from childcare/preschool three days a week. We spent 3-4 hours daily reading, playing, etc. she had lots of people to interact with; even sleepovers with other side of family. She was happy!

January 2020, the mom decided she wanted to move into her best friends moms house to be close to her friend. Selfish!!!

My granddaughter is so depressed and because mom is young and stubborn, doesn’t see what she is doing. My son is also to blame, he could have stopped her from moving but wanted to not go to court to continue to be in good graces.

It kills me to see her when visiting and we cry . After visits, my granddaughter gets so angry with me and it takes at least a week to talk to me.

I do send a care package 2 times a week with silly things. I think postage costs more than the items but I want to ensure she knows she is always in my mind.

Moving to a better life
by: Patrice

My husband and I purchased a second home in our favorite area of Tahoe in Nevada.

We’ve been able to keep our home in Southern California near my daughter for the last few years, but the insurance, taxes and maintenance costs are going to force us to sell it

Wendy: My cousin, lifelong Californian, just moved out of CA. His permanent residence is now in Las Vegas, Nevada. I remember reading news articles when we were in Nevada about how many people were leaving CA due to taxes and such. Do what you need to do to preserve what you have in retirement.

So torn
by: Anonymous/California

We live in CA but now in our mid 60s need to move to a more affordable state. We finally settled on FL.

I’m so torn and scared of how I am going to feel, how my daughter will feel and mostly how my 2 yr old grandson will feel. I am extremely attached to him and he is equally attached to me.

Logically I know the move will enable us to have a much easier and financially secure retirement, but my heart is breaking. I feel your pain. I’m going ahead with the move so we can be financially secure. I can only hope it is not a mistake.

I plan to use FaceTime and visit as often as I can, but I’m afraid to fly so that presents another problem. To add to my heartache I have a new baby grandson who I will not be able to build this same bond with.

There is no right or wrong answer. It is a state of mind and test of strength. I hope I will survive.

I can relate to the struggle
by: Luretta B

We moved 6 hours away from family to Arizona. For various good reasons, my husband wanted to move out of California.

It's been almost 4 years and, although it began well, I now know that I was not prepared for the loss of spontaneous access to my family.

We are now visiting for Thanksgiving but are having a hard time coordinating our get together. Our son's family is available but our daughter's family is suddenly taking a family mini vacation (which) I'm glad about. If we were living here we could easily reschedule but we have to return the Monday after Thanksgiving.

I am very thankful for our frequent trips to visits and that my husband is happy. I'm okay too.

I just wish I had considered the cost of not having proximity to our kids, grandkids and parents.

Retiring away from family
by: Debora Whitten

Thanks for all your comments, but it's been two years latter and I'm still in the same delimma, expecting our fifth child, only this time were having a girl. Four grandsons and a girl.

I have been babysitting my grandson for the last two years. Complained about babysitting so much that my Son decides to put my grandson in daycare. It tore me up...lol can't win.

We're still thinking we should move for an easier life, but I think the love for my family is way to strong for us to leave.

I still feel where we live may not be the best place in the long (California) run, but who knows maybe this is where we were meant to be, for now anyways😊

Moving away from our only grandchild
by: Selma Lou

We are retiring and moving 2,500 miles away from our one and only grandchild. When he was younger we saw him often. His Mom is a stay at home Mom.

We haven't seen him much at all even though they live only 20 minutes from us. There was a 3 month span where they didn't come around - but do go see her Dad at a nursing home close to us.

It's going to be so hard...we just have to cherish the memories from the first 4 years of his life and the few times we've seen him these last couple of years.

Oh No!
by: Margaret/TN

My daughter might move away.
We might move to be near her.
I am 59 and I don't want my twilight years
to be lived away from my grandchildren.

So glad to find this page
by: Diana Evans

My husband and I both lost our jobs due to downsize.
We lived in santa Barbara county. My husband decided to retire at 62, applied for social security.

We tried everything to stay in our home because our kids and grandchildren lived in the area.

We sold our home and moved to northern Arizona. Bought a mobile home cash. We live 9 hours away from our kids. it broke my heart to move and I have been miserable for the last year. But there's no way we could have stayed.

Your posts has helped me see that I'm not the only one that has gone through this.

Thank you!!!

Only son and his family 4000 miles!
by: Anonymous

Moved to it's own page so retirees can comment with feedback!

Leaving adult kids and grandchildren
by: Louie / CT

We are getting ready for retirement. Did the college and the wedding. we are leaving two daughters and one grandaughter, grandson on the way. youngest daughter just finished college can't find job doesn't have money for apartment doesn't want to come, having fits .

Oldest daughter has grandkids not happy about us moving.

I can't take the cold anymore small retirement, cost of living high here.

why does it have to be so tough?

Daughter making moving difficult
by: Anonymous

MY husband and I are moving, also about 8 hours away, my daughter and 3 grandsons currently live next door. I'm ready to be free from work, everything and have some quiet time, but she is making this unbearable. She is treating me poorly, doesn't understand it is a financial necessity and my heart is breaking. Any advice?

Making the retirement move
by: Anonymous

I had to consider many things before I decided I am going to retire in Kentucky and leave my children and grandchildren in Ohio!We are moving while we are physically young enough (56) and before we are old enough to retire. My husband and I researched so many places, State laws, taxes to find a place we would be able to afford to retire.

14 states impose tax on Social Security income: Colorado, Connecticut, Iowa, Kansas, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, New Mexico, North Dakota, Rhode Island, Utah, Vermont and West Virginia.

These states either tax Social Security income to the same extent that the federal government does or provide breaks for Social Security income, often for lower-income individuals.

Consider these things when you search retirement places...

- Good medical care
– Where your children, family, and friends want to visit.
- Where you can afford to live a full retirement with
* Nearby Recreational and cultural opportunities
* Nestled in natural beauty
* Transportation needs.
* Low grocery and retail prices
* Low Crime
* Low Natural disasters

We only need to find our dream home. We spend weekends searching for a home.6 hours is not an expensive nor long drive for us. I would suggest future retiree's consider family when moving a distance. Our children only want what is best for our future finances. In fact, they are checking out the State them selves now because of Ohio's economy.

by: Anonymous

I live about eight hours away and make a point to go and see them as often as I can. My husband was in an accident last year and it made it difficult to see them. Facebook helps a lot.

loved moving
by: Judy

I do understand your hesitation. I moved away from my children 15 years ago. Yes, it was hard but it turned out to be a great decision.

I now live in Florida for 6 months and the other 6 months up north. I see my children but they are so busy with their own lives which is great. We have wonderful visits while we are up by them.

I feel our lives are much shorter at this point and this is the time to live our lives.

I wish you the best in your decision.

"Different strokes for different folks"
by: Lynn

Such good answers and all different. Personally I left a home, job and area I liked to move to help out my daughter and then son with children. I really enjoyed the little ones and am glad I did.

After some of them grew up (some are still small), I must admit some children are no longer interested in grandparents, some are.

Anyway is there a middle ground? Can you sell your property and move closer to town but still not far from the grandchildren?

Do they have acreage too, could they build a home on it for you? You know your details, perhaps there is another choice?

Dictate Your Own Life
by: Tom Damron, Plano, Texas

I am more than 800 miles away from my son and family. My grandson is ten now and Yes, I would love to be closer, but the distance makes our two to three times a year get-together all the sweeter.

My wife is in an Alzheimer's home, I am totally alone with no other family nearby, all my friends were work friends and when we retired they took off to the Four Winds. But, although my family has urged me to move nearby, I quickly remember the feelings of loss of control of my own life. Maybe I am too independent for many but the freedom to pursue what you want to do is worth the distance between us.

There are many things you can do to make your time worthwhile. I write short stories with my time. I still maintain contact with my old friends from work via e-mail or the phone. Believe me, independence is vital to your mental health.

I wish you luck whatever your decision but my thoughts are--take off and do what you want.

I can relate
by: Rose Raintree Arlington Wa.

I feel your pain as I too would not be living where I am - if not for my granddaughter, who is so very important to me. She is 6 and I can't imagine not being able to see and be with her as I have on a regular basis the last 6 years of her life.

However, the question we have to ask ourselves before making a drastic change at this stage in our life is.

1. How many good years do I possibly have, now none of us can know the answer to this for sure but based on our health and our age and statistics we can come close.

2. What is most important for my health and well being now.

3. If I decide to stay where I am can I be happy, because if I am not happy those I love will feel the unhappiness and than I will not be happy and possibly make them unhappy as well.

4. Can I come to a place not allowing my children to cause me guilt feelings by understanding that while I have been where they are, they have not yet been where I am and thus cannot understand the challenges and needs we face as we grow older.

5. Finally, as God and pray for HIM to direct your decision and once HE has accept it as best for you and your husband

6. No matter which decision you make as best you can explain to your children, and know you have a right and need to be at peace and happy.

7. Will you be happier in a new place that you can manage and will feel better in even though it means losing frequent visits with children and grandchildren.

8. Can you afford or will your children and grandchildren make the effort to visit as often as possible to keep the connection between you.

9. Find ways like Skype and Facebook to communicate and visit with your family even from a distance Skype allows you to see and talk to one another right on your computer.

Good luck with your decision, I know my health would be better in a drier climate and finding a place with like minded seniors and activities but at this time leaving my granddaughter is not an option for me, but perhaps as she grows older if I am able it will be.

God bless

by: Diane

My husband and I moved 8 hours away from our family's and the first few months were the hardest I use to see the grandkids on a daily basis and it almost broke my heart , BUT it was the best decision we have made.

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