Lonely in Retirement

Today is my birthday, I'm 66, retired 1 year ago from nursing.

My husband was not well, the last year of working was very difficult due to his need for care. Four months after I retired he died.

Any plans we had died with him. I'm alone, the kids help but the emptiness is always there. We were married for 49 years.

I'm trying to learn how to live alone and do things alone. We did everything together. People tell me it takes time.

But he's not there to share things with or to talk things over with, things that you can only say to your spouse.

People ask how are you, I say ok, no one really knows what to say and there is nothing they can say. I keep trying to live.

Comments for Lonely in Retirement

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My Sympathies
by: Canadian Retiree

My heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine losing your husband shortly after retiring. My husband’s mother was in a coma and died shortly after he retired. My mom died 2 months later. We were both devastated. I can relate to your loneliness. Don’t isolate yourself. Reach out to others for support. All the best to you.

Happy birthday
by: Ella

Happy birthday. Condolences on the loss of your husband. As a fellow nurse, I understand how we do not reach out for help.
Be kind to yourself.

by: Sandra/ MS

Just writing to wish you a Happy Birthday!

You Need More Time
by: Donna in TexasAndLouisiana

You are still in mourning, so like others said, you need more time. You lost your husband and at the same time retired, making for two traumatic changes. And now you have to get used to handling everything by yourself.

A friend of mine went through that; it can be challenging. But you can handle it. The good things are that you have kids, and you live somewhere where you know people.

So appreciate what you do have, while going through this hard time. I don't think now is the time to make any big changes or definite big plans. But joining a gym or yoga class might be things you can do to increase your level of calm, make you feel perkier, and keep you around people. Some sort of structured routine might be helpful.

In the meantime, you can start visualizing how you see your life going forward, or what you would like to see. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I wish you all the best in this challenging time.

Life can be good
by: Anonymous

My life is in the retirement home where we once helped with programmes. my husband is now 106.

Take time
by: Donna

Happy birthday. You and I are the same age and I too was an RN. I retired at 62. I am very sorry about your husband. You need to let others nurture you now.

As nurses we have a hard time reaching out for help. Be gentle a yourself. Accept any and all invitations. Times will help.

by: mildred/tn

You have been hit w/ a double whampy!!! It will take time for u to find out your interest, I wound up going to a psychiatrist who helped me a lot,

He said to go back to my childhood and remember what had made me happy, I loved babies, So I became a Foster Parent for babies only.

Then at the age of 60 I adopted a 3 day old son who "needed" me, He needed speech therapy, physical therapy occupational therapy etc and I was in heaven, Now he is 22 and I am 81 and we still need each other.

Keep searching and find what will make u happy

Give yourself time and remain engaged
by: Michael D. Bell, REALTOR®, Venice Florida and the Catskills in NY!!

Our dear neighbor recently lost her husband. They were married for 66 years. We speak to her when we see her, offer assistance when needed, and invite her to social gatherings.

Since your husband's death is more recent, do give yourself more time. Keep in touch with friends, family, and neighbors so that you don't feel isolated. People might not know what to say or ask, but they are often willing to listen. It might help to join a grief support group in your area.

The dreams that you and your husband shared are still possible, but perhaps in a different way. I have often read of couples who planned trips together or planned to move somewhere together. Since "one day" didn't happen, the surviving spouse still took that trip - either alone - or with friends or tour group.

Let us know how you are doing. And, Happy Birthday!

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