Lonely Nester

by Mary
(Illinois)

Hi, My name is Mary. I raised 6 kids. 5 boys and one girl. Now that I'm 67 years old. My kids don't visit me.

I have a daughter who lives near me but she never calls or visit me. 2 sons here that live near me. Only one visits me and offers to help me he's always working he's the busiest out of all of my children but takes time out of his busy day to help me.

I get very lonely in the evening. I wish I had a friend to visit me. I'm alone. And I can't get around like I use to. I have spinal stenosis in my lower back and arthritis in both of my hips.

I want to thank you for reading my email. Maybe we could become friends.

Thank you
Mary

Comments for Lonely Nester

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Hi Mary!
by: Mark/Maryland

Hello Mary, I am also 67 and blessed to have a wife who has put up with me for nearly 47 of those years.

We have two grown children living in the same town, and we get to pick up our oldest grandchild, three-year old Mazie, every Wednesday and Thursday from her daycare "school." She loves McDonald's Happy Meals, so we usually pick one up on Wednesdays and bring her back to our house to eat and then play for a while before we take her home.

Reflecting on your situation with respect to your own children, I suspect it is probably far more the rule than the exception among people our age. Our children are busy with their own lives, and since the pandemic announcement a year ago our visits have been very, very infrequent.

But we both know they still love and miss us very much, its just that we are no longer their priority, and sometimes that's difficult to accept.

If I am honest when I think back to those early years of childrearing, we were probably just as preoccupied with putting out fires in our own lives, thus unintentionally isolating our parents just when we should have been begging for their help.

So give yourself a little slack, Mary. Just as our children came without instructions, so does retirement.

Winters here in Maryland are particularly difficult for me, and it seems every day until spring is a new challenge just to keep a reasonable grip on sanity. But here we are only five days from the end of another winter, and I appreciate the grace of every new sunrise.

Please remember that strangers are just friends you haven't met yet, and stay safe my new friend!
Lonely...I'm Not Living
by: Sherry/NC

Hi Mary, I am well aware of daughters not having any contact with their mothers, but really it is the person and not the gender.

My son is sensitive and caring and he looks after me, but not my daughter. My son lives in same town as me and I have a good relationship with him and family. I am so happy about it to because he has my 2 grandsons which I have a very good relationship with!

Daughters can be very independent and do not need their mothers. My daughter told me I used these words too much; should, could, and would!!! I guess I didn't realized I did that so now I have made an effort not to. She never called and once a year she would email me and ask for a donation for her non-profit which she worked for. I stopped that.

I believe she is selfish and self-centered. I did not raise her this way.

I have always set a good example for my kids and grandkids.

I have no guilt because I know I have always done my best.
Hi Mary
by: Ruth Ann Kirkpatrick

I want you to know I and many understand that lonely feeling when kids don't call or visit, sadly life seems to be that way for some. So here is my reply tonight, I'm glad to be your friend and write, just give me a day or so to connect us on this lovely retirement site. You can visit my page here, not sure how to get you there from here though, I'm a newbie. Have a good or better evening. I think I'll make some pudding, sounds good to me. Ruth
Reach out to your kids
by: Michael - Venice FL

Mary - please reach out to all of your children. Explain how you feel.

Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, it would be a great excuse to call! Of course, Mothers never need an excuse to call. "Happy Thanksgiving - just calling to see how you are doing" is a great opening line.

When I was younger, I volunteered for a 24 hour crisis helpline. The helpline also provided a service when volunteers would call and chat with seniors who lived alone and need to be checked on each day. Maybe your local senior center has such a program, or could put you in touch with a nearby service. Maybe start a new program - Seniors Calling Seniors.

Your local United Way might also offer services. The crisis helpline where I was a volunteer was a part of United Way.
Happy Thanksgiving
by: Nancy/Boston

Can't worry about your Kids they have no conscience towards us the way we cared about our Parents. Join Rets..you will find more friends than you can handle. Someone to talk to is nice every now and than. Most of us have alot in common. Time to worry about you..not the Kids! If you find a hobby you like you won't think about the pain you are in ( Till you have to get up!) Brighten up and
look ahead. Have a Great Holiday.
Retirement Community
by: Wendy, Retirement Enthusiast/Coach

Mary,

Go join the Retirement Community here:
https://community.retirement-online.com/

You'll find plenty of friends there, and it's safe!

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