Lost

Love of my life left me. My plans were to spend retirement traveling with her.

Now I just don't care what I do or care if I retire at least work keeps me busy and I kinda like my job. Please, no suggestions for another relationship. She will always be the love of my life not interested in anyone else.

Just want to know how to give a ___ about retirement.

Comments for Lost

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agree with Florida USA
by: jojo

hi,
i just want to say I agree that too much idle time can lead to brooding and ruminating and that’s not a good place for your mind to go.

i know you’re heartbroken, you don’t need to know my reasons for being so and i know each person’s sadness is unique to them, but i have found it helpful, after a period of mourning (death) (being left), to eventually get to a place where i remember happy times with a significant other no longer in my life.

for me, it truly has been like an oyster that when faced with grit (sadness) that’s rough and hurt turns it into a smooth pearl whose edges have been softened so while the object (sadness) is still there inside me, it doesn’t hurt as much over time if that makes sense.

how much time will that take for you? unfortunately, no one can say. would joining a grief group help?

i hope you can find some beauty and joy during this difficult time. maybe something as small as a rosebud on the verge of blooming that you can check every day to see when it does to give you something to do, look forward to, have a reason to go on.

take care.
Life after retirement
by: Liz in Georgia

I'm sure this is a really hard time for you. Sounds like it might be well to put off retirement at least for awhile.

When you do decide the time is right for retirement, make up your mind that your life will be different from this point on and, therefore, seek some new avenues that you've never tried before. I speak for myself because I retired several years after losing my husband and having no one else. At first I tried things I really wasn't that keen on but kept on trying to find out a fit for me.

I was 67 when I retired and I decided I liked to dance and so I joined a line dance group once a week and through that we would dance at nursing homes and that was fulfilling. Also, now I had time to take trips to places I'd always wanted to go. Also, joined a ladies group that just met together to have fun, no projects, etc. Through that group I made new friends that I was able to go on some short outings with, that we have lunch one a month and life has become really a joy because I decided that grief for a season is certainly real but we must go on and choose to be happy.

Retirement was thirteen years ago and, as you've probably heard many times. when did I have time to work.

Wendy: Just had to bold that one statement above! Love it!
Yes, it is difficult when plans change big time
by: plpGreen Bay

It's not a spouse but we lost our 38 year old son in the first year of retirement. Is that different...in a way but still a huge change in our life to make retirement too much time to think....too much time for intense grief....just too much time for sadness. We didn't even live the first year we were in so much grief.

I had to then find something, part-time to do. You say you still have your job so keep it for awhile.

I know you are sick of hearing time helps but it does in that you learn to live your new normal. You may not like it, but you have no choice but live the new normal. We cry and miss our son everyday. We see his sons miss him so dearly.

But we have to live on. No choice.
Turning the page....
by: Pam from Indiana

I lost my husband 20 years ago. Here I am at 63, thinking about retirement. Its scares me to pieces. What will I do with myself?

I am used to being alone but quitting work scares me too. I don't have any hope for a new "love of my life" and most of my family is gone. So I can feel for you.

There is no clear answer except to follow your instincts and be open to what this next chapter in your life brings.
( :
My own experience
by: Florida USA

Lost my husband after 30 years of marriage then lost my sweetie after 10 years. Realize this is not the same as your situation but I do have some advice for you.

Retirement is such a huge change for everyone that I think you should keep working as long as you can otherwise there will be too much time to brood about your life and loss. You are lucky to have a job you like without a forced retirement right now.

In time you may very well find things that interest you and can focus on them rather than on the sorrow you feel today. The sorrow will never go away but in time and with hard work on your part you can build a new life full of interesting things to do and to think about. That's the time to retire when your options are open not now when they are not.

A new focus in your life may seem foolish now but otherwise you will have a life of unending sorrow and you deserve better than that.

I believe that and I wish you less sorrow in the future and steady options for new interests coming your way.
sorry
by: Mia

I am sorry to hear that love of your life passed away. I can not even imagine how you feel now...it takes time. You would never forget her, but you would not be so lost as now.

Please take care of yourself and i would think that it is a good thing you have a job and like it. it is not time to retire right now, for you own sake.

with great sympathy and warmness, Mia.
lost
by: \

Hi...you did not give details on why your love left or how long ago.

As a woman we are often impulsive and crazy. I know I left my husband and was sorry a year later and he would not take me back (even with children).

If she left for someone else or if this was a long time ago, not sure what to tell you. But if it was recently and she didn't leave for someone else try cheerfully and pleasantly to get her back. Give her time and keep offering dates.
left or died?
by: Anonymous

It is always difficult to move on when life changes.

We do not have a choice however, we must do so, it is only the direction that we get to choose.
Change
by: P/ CT

Change comes whether we want it or not and this one sounds devastating.

My advice: Be kind to yourself, find support in some form you are comfortable with, and if I were you, I would keep working a little longer if only for the company and familiar routine. At some point you will feel better and then think about retiring.

Baby steps, taken gently will get you there eventually. Good luck!

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