by Barb
(Ft. Myers, Florida)

I could use some input: husband is overly-focused on finances. We are fine, but he seems obsessed with it.

Another thing, is his unwillingness to communicate without becoming highly defensive. He wants nothing but praise, even when he's crossed boundaries.

He has no friends, hobbies and is on anti-anxiety meds.

He just seems miserable.

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Self Care
by: Anonymous

I have found that sometimes we can only do so much to help another, even our spouses. Then, the focus needs to be on ourself.

We need to be sure that we are practicing good self care regardless. When we are taking care of ourselves then we will be more apt to be patient with another person’s needs and be a good listener.

Marital stress is difficult and can take a toll on both parties.

If you find that you have not been successful in making a breakthrough seek couples’ counseling. If spouse won’t go with you, you have the option of individual counseling.

The best to you and your spouse.

Sit together and have a money discussion
by: Michael, Venice Florida

I think this happens with a lot of men. It comes from having to still be the provider, and making sure that his wife will be taken care of should something happen to him. It might also stem for having to show that he is successful through accumulated wealth.

Tell him that you love him, and that you are thankful that he has been a good husband and provider. Then, tell him that since you are getting older and you never know what might happen (i.e., hospitalization, nursing home, or death) you have been thinking this might be a good time for both of you to sit down together for a money discussion so that you are both fully aware of the amounts of income, expenses, and investments that you have.

Make 2 columns and list the income on one side and the expenses on the other side. Total the two columns. Hopefully, the income will be more than the expenses so that he can worry less that there "won't be enough."

You can also suggest that you set aside some of the extra for a "rainy day fund" in case there is a time when a little extra is needed.

by: Elna Nugent, Lenox, MAour Name/Location

Your letter concerning your husband makes me wonder how he acts if you become interested in something and therefore are less available, leaving him alone.

Finances are apparently a huge dilemma for him. Do you have any input as to your financial problems. Are you working or are you retired.

Also is this something new with him or has he always complained about the financial situation.

I wonder if he would ever consider downsizing to a less affordable home or apartment. Have you ever disucssed such a possibility. Please keep in touch- this has to change and as was suggested his meds may not be helping him.

Miserable Husband
by: Wendy,

I wonder if he is on the wrong meds... with depression and anxiety, often several meds must be tried before the right one is found for the patient. Get him back to the doctor for answers.

Sending prayers your way. This transition makes for a sad world until you "get there".

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