Moved to Calif from Pa

by Linda
(Long Beach Ca. )

I've lived in the Pitts. Pa area all my life, married and had 1 child, a boy .


After my husband died in 2000 I stayed there for 9 yrs , flying back and forth to see my son and his wife. I told them when they had a child
I'd move out .

Since I have no family in Pa . , in 2010 I packed up and moved to Long Beach .

I have close contact with my Grandson but with my son it's not as close as I wish it was. He has a responsible jo , I realize and family of his own but what do I do with my life now is the question.

Any suggestions?

Comments for Moved to Calif from Pa

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Moved to Ca
by: Linda Long Beach

Thanks Patty, I have started to make new friends. I have always been able to , but for some reason it's harder in Ca. I'll look up that meet up group here . Linda

Make some friends
by: Donna / Texas

You need to make some friends. It's hard when we're older. It takes time to become friends, as opposed to acquaintances. But you must take some steps to do that.

Check www.meetup.com to see if there are some groups in your area that you'd be interested in. A walking group, a group that eats out, whatever.

Thanks
by: Linda. Ca

I needed to hear your comments I know that is what I,m doing feeling sorry for myself .

I am a retired LPN from Pa or LVN here in Ca . I know I can go to a med. facility and volunteer I just haven't found my niche yet .

I just had a visit from a friend I. Pa and she is a negative person ,that's when I wrote this . All your comments have helped me to get out of this mood and I will follow through on something . I use to go to the sr. center and maybe will have to go back to see what is there .

I appreciate all Yoir comments . I was very close, keeping my grandson when he was younger but he is 7 now and is growing up so your right I have to reinvent myself .

Thanks everyone for your comments.

Linda in Long Beach

What Rose Said, I agree
by: Nancy

A lady in my Bible study who is 20 years older than me had advice for parents with adult children:

They look at your house as their own and come and go, but remember you are a guest in their houses.

The reason why it stuck a responsive chord was because my parents didn't respect my boundaries when I was an adult and had my own house. They came into my house without my knowledge or permission when I was away at work. Not that you would do that, I just wish my parents had respected my boundaries more.

Also, the idea of Rose and you developing a relationship with your grandkids. My grandmother has been gone for 30 years, but I still treasure the relationship I had with her. We lived close and spent a lot of time with her. It was wonderful.

I wish you well, and as Wendy said, let us know more about your life, interests, past job etc.

Live YOUR life!
by: RICARDO

Linda, your son has a life just as you had a life when you were his age....let him live his....you need to reinvent yourself......it's a wide, wide world out there and you have to settle in with what makes YOU comfortable.....NOT relying on others.....you made it this far, you must be strong and resilient....you can do it!

Questions for Linda
by: Elna Nugent, Lenox, MA

Linda, Could you tell us a little more about your life.....what kind of work you have done in the past, whether at home or elsewhere and what kind of interests turned you on?

You have a great deal of energy and skills inside you that are dying to be expressed. And now you have the time to consider them. As you look back on your life what excited you the most? And what did you enjoy at home or out in social situaitons?

Have you ever thought of going back to school or taking adult education classes in things you know you could be good at?

And by the way what do you think of life in California?
E.


relating
by: Rose Raintree Arlington Wa.

I can relate to you more than you know, I too live just 2 miles from my son and my granddaughter and his wife, after their asking me to move closer when I retired.

However, you cannot allow yourself to think their life is going to change once you are closer much. The first year of my retirement was challenging and I discovered I had to dig in and discover what caused me to continue being passionate about my life.

That meant re-discovering who I am today and things. I used to enjoy doing and got lost in raising a family and working. I cannot expect nor did I want my son and his family to view my being close as a burden to them and prevent them to live their life fully just as I did when I was at that stage in my life.

And while I spent a great deal of effort until my granddaughter went to 1st grade this year to spend 1-2 days a week with her and we discovered we love to do crafts together and we have built a relationship that she will cherish long after I am gone. And that is what God has revealed to me is what of value will I leave behind for them.

And that is what has been my focus, in becoming passionate about life and building a life for me at this stage of my life, developing new hobbies, reaching out and building a few new and special friendships. Get up each day thankful for another day to use the wisdom I have been given living these 71 years to share that in love with all who come my way and be thankful I am still here.

So I suggest you get up each day and get to know who you are and what do you want to leave behind for your son to remember you with joy and not allow yourself to become a burden because he feels guilty that he can't make you happy.

One thing that God taught me... it is my job to make me happy and be a blessing in their lives. The more our adult children can see us happy and making a life for ourselves the more they want to share in that.

Who wants to be around anyone that is always whining, or depressed and sad because their life is not what they want it to be. Not saying you are doing this but I have seen it so often and seniors than wonder why their kids don't visit or include them.

I have been there and since I took control and accepted where I was and began making decisions to create my life where I am today. my son while still very busy with his own life, which is as it should be, is making much more effort to see and visit with me than when I was exhibiting signs that seemed to be self pity and expecting him to do something about it.

Now that is now how I felt but that is how son's see us, as men are fixer's and when their mothers live alone they can easily cause their son's feelings of guilt even though not intended to do so because they feel like they should fix our lives.

God bless and go to the senior center and look for volunteer opportunities and develop some hobbies you can enjoy and make new friends in your new life.

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