My Early Retirement story
I am 55 years old and have been retired for 2 months. I planned for this retirement for years and I had multiple spreadsheets showing my past spending compared to my retirement income. Will my pension and Social Supplement provided be enough?
But when the big day was upon me, I began to have second thoughts (Cold Feet I thought). I have never been good at accepting the decisions which I have made. I always seem to feel that I made the wrong decision.
Well, as soon as I was retired I began to have panic attacks and began to ask myself questions:
What do I do now?
What if my company takes away the Social Security supplement before I begin collecting Social Security? (If that happens I only have my pension to live our retirement life)
What if my wife gets hurt/sick and we cannot keep her medical? (My medical is expensive and goes away when I reach Medicare age.)
I thought I had covered all my questions during my planning, but all these questions began to arise as if I had not already addressed them. All these doubts began to arise after I retired and I feel like I have let her and my family down.
I did not have a bad job but it was in a highly regulated utility with HIGH stress to perform. I was not happy with how the job had changed me. I was angry all the time, especially when dealing with other peoples urgent request. As I attempted to perform my job I felt like I was making more enemies at work every day.
My personal life was also beginning to suffer as I became angrier every day. After determining I could retire early, or so I felt, I made the decision to retire.
Now my retirement days are filled with regret and fear. When I look at my finances, I am able to make our bills and still have a little extra money. My wife enjoys her job and plans on working at least 5 more years, but I feel like I have trapped her into working longer so I could get out.
I ask myself: What type of husband puts his wife into that position? Even though I am actually bringing more home now than what we were previously living on, I get so nervous when making even the smallest purchase, something I never felt when working, I have tried meditation to relieve some of the panic attacks but I still get overwhelmed but the emotions.
How am I going to keep going? Every day is a struggle to make it through the day.
I do not want my wife to have to deal with me like this the rest of our lives together, She does not deserve this.